straw poll (for lack of a better thread title...)

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Well, I would prefer the loving touch of a woman, but unfortunately I don't quite have that...

Well, you've got to find something else. Life's tough, and you have to be tough to deal with it, otherwise you never get anywhere.

Try reading, or relaxation therapy, or tea or something. It's all about habit changing.

I'm reminded of this guy who I befriended who started complaining to me on and on (expecting sympathy) about how his toe was all rubbed and peeling and bleeding a little from his boots. I was thinking to myself that if I was in his place I would have stuck a bandaid on it, ignored the pain as best I could, and gone about doing everyday things. I doubt I would have mentioned it to anyone unless it was an interesting titbit/I was seriously worried it might fall off.

That was a very good sign -- women don't go to all that effort for nothing. Even if she's taken right now, it's a sign she feels affection and some sort of positive feeling from doing something like that with you.



This is just the way life is -- most good women are always going to be in a relationship, often serially (one after the other, without much pause in between). As I've said on other threads -- just stay friends, be nice, be polite, and don't give up hope. Line up about 10 of those kinds of women, and stay on their short list. Once their current relationship ends, you're high on the list for consideration. I used to fall into the "give up on that girl" trap too, but it was shortsighted, and women are all about the long game and long term. If they see you give up hope so easily, you're off the list.



In contrast to my advice above, don't let girls use you through false promises. If it becomes obvious someone is just using you (they only call you when they need something, and don't spend any other time with you that doesn't require you doing a service for them), kick them to the curb politely (stop calling them back). They may actually gain respect for you. And in some cases the girls were just using that as an excuse to get near to you -- try to be able to tell the difference. If she's willing to do something outside of you helping her, it's a good sign, and if not, she's a user. However, even users might be able to hook you up, if they play fair.

I've found this applies to good men too. They are nearly always taken. I never would have gotten into my first relationship if I hadn't stayed friends and not given up hope.

The defense mechanism of turning me off to taken women comes from the fact that I don't want to be confrontational with whoever her existing boyfriend may be... In my experience, those types of things don't go over well...

No need to confront anyone -- you're just a friend. When they both hate eachother and don't want to talk to eachother anymore, you'll not need to worry about him at all. And if the guy does view you as a threat, all the better for your chances -- just keep things polite, don't do anything inappropriate, and you have nothing to fear.

I've really pushed the limit on things like this, so I can tell you how far it can go with no confrontation. I've taken guys wives out, been sneaked into their house while they were gone (as a friend, not as a lover), and even banged the GF of a guy I worked with -- and he knew it. So I hear you on the confrontation thing, because once he did find out, I felt pretty awful (about that and a lot of things about myself at that point), and I left the company a couple of months later. I didn't want to worry about him shooting me one day or something. But you get the point -- things can get pretty tense, but no one ever called me out. I'm sure you wouldn't do anything as bad as what I did.

Yeah, about that... I tend to generate faux pas quite easily...


To me, all that stuff is just incredibly underhanded and goes against my personal moral fiber... I just can't bring myself to do such things...

This guy wasn't a character in Waiting for Godot?

Putting a band-aid on a toe is easy, and detailed instructions can be written on the packaging... on the other hand, the concept of finding a romantic partner has over 9000 books written about the subject and still has no definitive answer...

triple

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 13 Feb 2009, 8:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

post

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 13 Feb 2009, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

move out of Jersey.

But you also you should ask "is there such a thing called single guys ? " . Even if there are few honestly most guys around my age are not single and almost all girls I meet are taken too, so the problem isn't really because 'there's no single girls' since most guys could dated one.
My problem is that I am not fast and active enough, I am gonna explain that further :

The inter-period between a break up and a new relationship is usually very short among girls (if the girl still willing to date) while the average guy may usually remain single for months after a break up, that means that the period of singlehood in average girl's life is short so an average single like you had to act fast in order to get that girl ,otherwise she's ll be taken after few weeks ,if not days.



In order to be fast then you should be socially straightforward , have an active social life , to be in parties, events... and of course being attractive helps a lot (physically and social status).


Such things that aspies usually can't do and don't like to do =).

You mentioned many times that you take your time to know the girl.

If she had a boyfriend during the first month you met her then she'll surely mention the word once at least but since she never did then she was single during that time and then became taken later.


Also the chart that you posted (mental attraction/physical attraction) once explain a lot about your problem (and mine)..

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 13 Feb 2009, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is there such a thing as a "single guy"? Judging by this forum, I would think there's enough evidence to say yes...



It's not like they broadcast the fact that they're single either... How am I supposed to know if she's in a relationship or not? It's just easier to assume she's taken unless she explicitly mentions otherwise, since pretty much every time the assumption proves true...


So in other words, you're saying that society has inexplicably linked partying with love? That explains the high divorce rate in the US... That said, I'm extremely active in my church, the only issue is that there's nobody my own age there... the tendency is to leave after graduating high school and only returning when they have their own children (and thus its too late for me...)


Are you saying that most aspies are unable to do that, or are you saying that we shouldn't?




It may also not come up in the first month since I, by default, don't make romantic passes at women I haven't met before (because I like to get to know them first)... The more I know a particular woman, the more information about her I have stored in memory, and it makes it easier to predict what she's going to say next and prepare conversation so that I can (naturally) converse rather easily in real time, as opposed to the 30 second delay I sometimes have when talking to someone I don't know...



You mean this?


That was meant mostly as a joke...

We (WP guys) don't represent the majority of guys of our age, not at all....
Yes, about 95% of guys of my age I know are in relationships.



Body language, signs, the hints ......things with which aspies can really suck.




To great extent ....umm...yes. To be more accurate it's linked to 'socializing' , partying was just an example of socializing. A church is not a good place to find girls of your age, it's only logical.

Are you catholic btw? if so, then maybe you should become a monk lol , this way you would never worry about dating.






I usually write my post in Word before copying , there was a mis-copy/paste here.
Check the edited post.

As to answer your question, aspies should do that ...but can they do that?




That's your main problem, maybe you should know to get to know them faster...

It's kinda a problem of mine too (but in less extent than yours), hehe...giving advices is easy , applying them is another story.





It's humorous but not a joke since it's true, it shows how much the human behavior is predictable.

It may be funny, but it's funny but true.