28, and never even had a date...

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LePetitPrince
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13 Feb 2009, 5:05 pm

oomogi wrote:

i think NTs are the genetic throwback, i believe autism is the future evolition of mankind have u ever noticed the eyes on the pictures of all those grey aliens if those arent autistic eyes what are? and what about the size of their craniums?.at the expotentual rate of increase in the incidance of autism it appears to me autism rules, live long, prosper, and breed tiny monsters .

.

Bullcrap.

Space
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14 Feb 2009, 7:55 pm

My advice (what I WOULD DO, some people might disagree) is you need to:
-Move out of your mom's
-get your own place
-get a better job that pays good money
-start working out at the gym and lose any excess weight, get some muscles
-lose your virginity to a prostitute, have sex with a few of them so you can at least say you've had sex with more than 1 woman
-make an account on plentyoffish and be persistent
-find singles events and go to them

This is what I would do. I lost my v-card to an escort and it was one of the best things I've ever done. Sure, it messed up my head for awhile, but I'd rather have that on my conscience than being a virgin at 28. By the way, 28 and a virgin is not the worst, but if you keep this up and are a virgin at 42 trust me, you will be f****d up in the head from it. I have read posts by virgins in their 40's and trust me, it's scary.

Bottom line is, no woman is going to want you if you keep living with mom and packing food, and being a virgin is the same. Women have some weird double standards about these things, and male virginity is something that society has the most ret*d standards about... yes it's stupid, no it's not fair, but in my mind, life as an adult with AS is tough enough without being a virgin who lives with mom working a s**t job (trust me, I was in a similar place when I was around age 21 and am I ever glad I am not there now).

oomogi
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14 Feb 2009, 8:54 pm

space speaks words of wisdom

Metalwolf
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17 Feb 2009, 10:16 pm

Hey D-man!

You aren't alone. I am a 28 year old single woman who is still a virgin, so its nothing to be ashamed of. I had several opportunities to 'lose it,' but I chose not to. Its NT society that forces that idea on us, you don't have to give into it.

I have only had one or two dates, but never a real boyfriend. I would like to find that someone too who isn't the shallow type, but sometimes that can be hard.

I hate being around all of the NT females who go on talking about dating, clothes, and gossip, when all I want to do is talk about video games, Star Wars, and horror movies. And occasionally talk about giant robots.

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BPalmer
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17 Feb 2009, 10:39 pm

Metalwolf wrote:

I am a 28 year old single woman who is still a virgin, so its nothing to be ashamed of. I had several opportunities to 'lose it,' but I chose not to. Its NT society that forces that idea on us, you don't have to give into it.

1. Being a female virgin doesn't carry nearly as much as a stigma as being a male virgine does. You'll be seen as "assertive and independent", whereas a 28-year-old male virgin is seen as, at best a loser, and at worst a potential rapist.

2. You admitted you had been given several opportunities. If you were male, you would've been written off for having even the slightest defect.

Therefore, you understand nothing.

Space
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17 Feb 2009, 11:17 pm

^^true.

Learning2Survive
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20 Feb 2009, 11:34 pm

As you get closer to thirty and even thirty five it will be SO MUCH EASIER to find a female partner. You will have more life experience and so will the women - they seem to be more available in that age group.

For me the problem is that even by looking at a person, i guess my face/stare/etc have this look that makes people turn away when they see me and i have the impression that people are just not comfortable around me. It's just asperger's symptoms and not much i can do about.

You have SINGING voice. that's a MAJOR plus to attract women. if you can find a group where you can sing with people via meetup (google it "meetup") or start your own group and if there is a single female who will maybe sing or play piano in that group that sure could lead to a good match for you guys.

It's not your fault that you are single - it's just the way society works.

Cyberman
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21 Feb 2009, 12:28 am

Learning2Survive wrote:

Your logic is inaccurate. While you might have more "life" experience in your 30's, you still won't have any relationship experience... and a guy who has gone through life without any relationships is not only a major turn-off for women, but is also completely unprepared for the challenges which occur in relationships. So the idea that we are just "late bloomers" is nonsense.

Last edited by Cyberman on 21 Feb 2009, 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

MissConstrue
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21 Feb 2009, 12:39 am

^I have to somewhat disagree with that statement being how my uncle was never really with any women or doing any dating.

He started having a serious relationship when he was 40 and is still married.

My dad said he was the same way until he met my mom and he was 34.

Sometimes I've wondered if my dad was a bit aspie-sh...not a very social guy.

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21 Feb 2009, 3:27 am

^^ What a sad waste of their young years. Later-age relationships are a lot more laborious, and not very satisfying. I should know, because I'm in one now.

EnglishLulu
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21 Feb 2009, 1:00 pm

Pugly wrote:

...I have a pretty negative self image... thinking back people probably appreciated and liked me more than I give myself credit for. I tend to view most social situations much more negatively than they actually are...

You probably need to recondition your way of thinking. Confidence is more attractive than negative self-esteem. Also, how can you expect someone else to love you if you don't even love yourself, if you yourself don't think you're worthy, don't think you're lovable.

You need to start thinking more about the positives. You half-heartedly admit there are some. I suggest you make a list. Of at least ten good things about yourself. And every day read it to yourself when you get up and before you go to bed.

There must be something. Even if people have insecurities about their looks or physique, and they're always mulling over their worst feature, instead they should be thinking about their best feature(s), whether that's a lovely smile, or nice eyes, or a cute dimple, or long and shapely legs, or nice hair. Or something. There must be something. I mean, my legs are awful, I'm quite short and have fat legs. And a big bum (although for some reason African and Caribbean guys seem to like that kind of thing, so there's even a silver lining to some clouds). But guys have told me I have a nice smile, nice eyes, or they like my long hair. Everyone has some redeeming features. And just as not all guys like skinny women, there are men out there who like a more curvy figure like mine, there are some women who aren't attracted to really muscular guys who work out a lot, there are some women who find lovehandles adorable and cuddly. It's just important not to lose any sleep over the people who aren't attracted to your body type not being attracted to you, it's nothing personal, they're not rejecting you, personally, you're just not their 'type'. Other people out there will think you're their type.

Space
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21 Feb 2009, 5:54 pm

Cyberman wrote:

Learning2Survive wrote:

^^this is what I have been thinking. It can go either 2 ways: the guy can meet the right woman and everything is fine, or he meets women who are extremely turned off, and see it as a signal that no woman finds him attractive in the least. People are pretty shallow now, so I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope of meeting a girl who can love a late bloomer. Yes there are nice women out there who would respect you, but they are very hard to find I think.

BPalmer
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21 Feb 2009, 8:00 pm

^^ For that reason, a lot of b*****s deserve to have their own "travis the Chimp experience". :twisted: :lmao:
You see, they realise that by rejecting us, they can cause others to reject us down the track as well. What they've done to Cyberman, and so many others, is reprehensible.

billsmithglendale
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21 Feb 2009, 11:57 pm

Space wrote:

Cyberman wrote:

Learning2Survive wrote:

But you're ignoring the fact that women have a ticking biological clock that goes off big time in the 30-35 age range. To be blunt, those that aren't already married at that point and who want to have children start lowering their standards in an intense effort to get married and start on kids. Guys they wouldn't give the time to when they were in college suddenly become a lot more attractive. Men, on the other hand, have time on their side -- they can father kids for pretty much the rest of their lives, and only get richer and more experienced (even if they never had a relationship) than their younger counterparts. I speak from experience, having observed this principle at work time after time (though I got married early).

Rocker82
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06 Mar 2009, 8:37 pm

D-man wrote:

I'm 28, turning 29 this August. I am still a virgin, and I've never even been on a date throughout my life. I sometimes feel like I'm every bit the definition of a "loser".

Ever since I was growing up, I was picked on, for one reason or another. I've always been heavy (though not morbidly obese. I do have man-boobs though, that no amount of exercise can seem to remove.

), and I've always been awkward in the art of spontaneous conversation. Some girls thought I was nice during Grade school, but once middle school hit, they were just as nasty towards me as the boys.

I was never an exceptional student, and I was never physically gifted (In fact, the test that confirmed my AS diagnosis a year ago revealed that I had below-average hand strength.), and in high school, I was described by a friend as having been "tapped by an ugly stick". The only real strength of mine has been my singing voice. But even then it's more operatic, in a world that seems to have turned against vibrato, and we all know how fickle the music industry is... :lol:

Although I somehow managed to graduate college, I'm currently stuck in a cashiering job at a Grocery Store, and still live with my Mother. I sometimes joke that my sister will be the one to carry on the family bloodline, since she got all the good genes, being good looking and a good student at the same time.

I don't even know why I'm posting this now...I guess partly to air out some of my frustrations, and partly to show the others who post here just how lucky so many of them are. I don't even know if there's any hope for someone like me to ever find love. I sometimes liken myself to a laggard in Darwin's "Survival of the fittest" race, or one of Nietzsche's "Bungled and botched".

In a more artistic sense, I relate greatly to The Phantom of The Opera (without the murdering, of course), a ruined, angry, but deep down artistic and beautiful man, who was ultimately fated to face eternity alone. But before he vanished, he finally received the one morsel of kindness and love that had been missing from his entire existence. It's my one hope that someday I will be able to experience the same before I go.

I thank anyone who was willing to read all this, as it feels good to finally unload so much of this from my chest.

Rocker82
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06 Mar 2009, 8:43 pm

I turned 27 this February,and still no date!I probably had some opportunities,but I didn't took advantage of the situation.For me it gets frustrating,but on the other hand I got used it for a couple of years.If I had a girlfriend,I wouldn't be in my room on the weekends.I have to admit,I also don't know how to drive!For me,there's a scarcity finding a woman that can understand you and show compassion;also educated.

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