Asperger GIRLS in Love

Post Reply New Topic

One important thing to remember is that there are different definitions of love.
That aside...
I've never been in a relationship, but I have loved people outside of relationships in non-romantic ways. Is romantic love the same kind of love plus sexuality? That'd be my guess, but who can say?

you can have a warm relationship with a man even with AS - by trial and error
but you can have AS and be very capable of love and warmth and intimacy
keep in mind that sex and intimacy are different and it's better to have the two together.
just take relationships VERY slowly, build relationships over months and years, develop warmth and car and intimacy
with true aspie males we long for love and relationships but we just can't quite pull it off - we do not know how..

I'm not sure that I'm able to feel true love. I mean there are people that I like(liked), and like alot, but love is such a strong word. I have alot of trouble letting myself go to that next level. Maybe I haven't experienced the right circumstances, or maybe I don't recognize love when it is there? I think the aspie side of me doesn't recognize anything that doesn't have a clear, specific, definition.

Love always has me in a paradox, sad to say.
At this point, i've pretty much accepted that i'll never really find anyone for any kind of romance, and yet i can't stop obsessing over it...
I can't stop thinking about it, and it keeps making me very sad.
Gah... wish i could just turn that part of my brain off and be done with it.

And i just realized how whiny that sounded.

Word of advice, however. Don't go searching for a boyfriend for the sake of it. You might end up finding the wrong guy and making all sorts of mistakes.

G'luck.

Love isn't expensive... it's the damn accessories. *whistles innocently*


M.

I think love is acceptance of another. Being in love involves not only this, but additional processes to make you obsessive and high. I experienced it once; it was similar to how I experience and approach nearly everything else: with unmatched attention to detail, absorption, and consideration. There's lots written on love in the women's forum here.

Find it hard to agree to that - i`ve been way too high and
i have also been in love. Two completly different things,
can not be compared according to me. A high is a fake
feeling of nice, love is just nice. I would claim drugs to
be way more dangerous then love, i have never od`d on
love anyway but drugs almost killed me. And if by expensive
one means cold hard cash, i dont see it. So what if you spill
money on someone you love, you love them dont you?
money has nothing to do with love, its just a tool to get stuff.

Limerence:Limerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

if you haven't been swept away by the current of this mighty endorphin. . . you are either very fortunate or very deprived, depending on what happens when you are swept away . .

Merle

Actually, someone once said:

"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."

I'm not looking for a boyfriend for the sake of it, there is an NT guy I like and I think he might like me... maybe. He doesn't know I'm AS and probably hasn't heard of it either. I think he thinks I'm quiet and mysterious (well, I am!) and I don't want to blow it by suddenly being weird if he gets to know me. He seems like a decent guy.

I heard a phrase once:

"treat them mean, keep them keen" which I guess means that if you're not too available then you're more likely to attract/keep partners. People always want what they can't have, right? I think my taciturnity combined with the fact that I don't (can't!) look deeply into his eyes makes him more interested in me. The thrill of the chase (which I don't understand at all!!). It's tough dealing with NTs!

Hm. Interesting to see how many people agree with me here. Too bad I have not, as yet, met someone with these views.

Dang, just this once I agree with sinsboldly, but I ain't clicking the link because I know what comes next and I deeply love the kids I once had, but that's a totally different phenomenon, hardwired into the central nervous system and as fundamental as breathing.

Might be mentioned that romantic love, like professional sports and music, is a topic where it's common for non-aspies to have obsessions.

Since aspies are particularly prone to obsessions, well... put a helmet on your heart.

I used to be deeply in love with my friends sister, I honestly couldn't stop thinking about her. I have never even spoken to her at all; I just used to.........love her. I still kinda do, but not so much. I’m in a similar situation with another girl at the moment but I’m way too shy to say it to either of them. I'm a guy by the way.

That's a shame. But neither have I. I thought there were something wrong with me for being that way, but now I'm relieved.

Dang! There IS something wrong with me after all...

I'm pretty much the lone ranger, and prefer it that way. I'm so busy all the time, so I don't feel that desperation for love all the time now. Just a cuddle, and some sex would be nice now and again. Hate to say it, but I have too much going on and so much on my mind. I'm driven to succeed in life, and no-one or nothing will stop me, but death.

You sound very much like me! I had a guy friend at school who once told me that I was the most un-romantic person he'd ever met.

I guess my one success story with love once occurred when I allowed myself to believe that he liked me back. Of course, it took me almost a year of talking 6 hours a night to get to this point. I think the only way is to open your mind to that other person and allow for the possibility of them liking you too, thus exposing yourself to being hurt.

I'm very close minded these days, which probably explains my single status.

I think the best thing to do is to just go along as normal, and keep an open mind towards falling in love (this is where i fail), and you'll end up meeting and getting to know someone you'll develop feelings towards. Once this happens, you have to take the risk and act on your feelings. Accept that you might be rejected and face your fears (face to face rejection has happened to me before, and it's not nearly as bad as you blow it up in your head to be - a.k.a. it's not the end of the world).