The difference between flirting and just being nice

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The only time I can tell is when they're being ridiculously direct.

For example...

A friend of mine took me out to a bar for my 21st birthday and there was a guy there. He kept buying wanting to buy me drinks (which is pretty obvious). But the guy had a wedding ring so.... yeahhhh... no.

Then when my friend and I got up to leave he goes, "If you're going somewhere else you should come to my house."

So it has to be pretty in my face before I'll pick up on it.

I've been caught out with this before, until it was pointed out that perhaps I am mistaking females as being more interested than they are and that this is more common in Aspies. So yes, probably better to err on the side of caution.

Is touching part of flirting? Or just asking for nurturing?

I have an Aspie friend who much younger than me. Lately he's been touching me alot. I don't mind because I come from a very affectionate family and culture and I'm really hippie-dippie so touching friends, hugging friends, massaging friends, etc...is NORMAL for me.

I'm as old as his mom. He's having lots of trouble at home with her and he's pretty scared as the situation is volatile.

He has never clearly stated the nature of our relationship other than he feels close to me and safe with me. I could be big sister, 2nd mom, friend, etc...

But several times in the last few weeks, in front of colleagues, he has touched me (arm, shoulder, fingers, hand) and once, when he was really stressed out, actually took and held my hand and didnt' let go until i had to gently let go.

We've shared 4 or 5 hugs in the last two weeks, which, is normal for me. He's not the only person I hug during the day.

Any opinions about touching? I certainly don't feel it is inappropriate. If he was in a child-like emotional state, he would want some kind of comforting or connection or feeling of being supported...

So, is it flirting or is it wanting safe nurturing or neither or both or?

This is what I want to know, seeing as how I meet so many Aspies, including many female Aspies.

How do you tell the difference between flirting and just being nice when you are both Aspies? How do you tell if someone is interested in you romantically when they are an Aspie?

I had to ask since generally, both parties would have reduced non-verbal communication behaviours, which is exactly the essence to flirting among NT's.

I'm hopeless. I just don't notice if a guy is flirting until he puts his arm around me...at which point I usually panic!
Apparently, a friend of mine flirted with me for a couple of years, and I just didn't get it!
I generally have to assume that someone is just being nice, since who would really be interested in a clumsy, socially-inept geek?

no, of COURSE it's not a bad thing. i was just answering Keeno's question (above) with as much detail as i could...

i've had lots of long term relationships in my 4.5 decades of life. most of it has been confusing and painful overall. in the end, they all fizzle out.

Then what difference does it make whether he's flirting with you or not? It sounds like you wouldn't be interested in a romantic relationship with him anyway. So if his touching starts to bother you, just tell him to stop.

cyberman- i PM'd you about this...

everyone else,
what are YOUR signs of flirting and showing interest? what would YOU do to try and capture someone's attention in a romantic way?

I can't really tell either. I learned teasing someone can be flirting. So that means I can flirt because my bf has told me I am flirting with him when I be teasing him, giving him a hard time and seeing what his reactions be when I say things to him.

I know when a guy pokes at your underwear and sticks his fingers in your pants or tugging at the elastic of your pants or underwear, that is flirting.