Is it normal......

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Well first I still haven't totally convinced myself that I am in the ASD since my childhood was also fairy devastating... but I am roughly 95% convinced enough. The other 5% will come with the opinion of the campus clinical assessment psychologist's cumulative opinion. So anyway...

I really don't know if it's normal, but I am guessing not considering the absurd importance people direct towards being in a relationship and all that crap. It's like 90% of EVERY SONG EVER . That and one of the teachers at my high school felt the same as you, and managed to go I think 50-60ish years without a relationship, and said she tried intercourse once and didn't like it. Well, with that being common knowledge at the school, everyone I knew spoke of it being the most ridiculous thing ever, even calling it impossible. So I'm pretty sure in general... definitely not normal at all. Sex seems to be like 90% of normal human interest. Dying unmarried with no children and rumors of maintaining your virginity seem to almost outweigh accomplishment, as in Issac Newtons case.

My interest in sex/relationships is limited the same as all my emotions seem to be. Meaning that they come in very short bursts like when you try to start a vehicle with a broken fuel injector, and they are also extremely intense as well as rare. The part of my body that wants me to do the deed is (metaphorically ) like a Bruce Banner who is in control of the Hulk like a pet dog whereas normal men seem to be like Bruce Banner trapped inside a permanently changed Hulk. Every now and then a normal man's Bruce Banner will occasionally speak and think only to be quickly stamped out by The Hulk in an intense mind numbing horny rage that is almost constant. And for me the hulk only has control over meh private parts. When I see a face that my " hulk " see's as desirable for a mate he gets edgy and keeps running around my brain forcing her face back in it. At best this may slightly make me think about sex or arouse me, but for the most part is just an instinctual appreciation. However, if that type of girl is showing interest or affection the " hulk " goes apes**t. Apes**t = erection, arousal, but no affect on judgment, and I have never gotten with some random girl while drunk. In other words... the hulk never wins unless I let him.

( I just noticed that I spent two hours trying to perfect that metaphor ... hahaha. )

Anyway... with the " sex " question answered I would say that I don't feel love, and highly question it's existence in normal people too, as they seem so good at abandoning their current love for another girl who is instinctually more desirable for reproduction. What I have noticed regarding girls and myself relationship wise is that intelligence and imagination along with personality are about 65% of what makes a girl desirable. 20% is mostly invested in how the girl treats herself and respects herself. The less attractive less intelligent girl who is healthy and doesn't show any signs of potential problems down the road will out do a smarter and more attractive girl who is known to like her booze. Lastly, 15% goes to physical attraction and intercourse ... I'm not really proud of it, but it's a guilty pleasure. And I'll stop there before I embarrass myself further.

Side note: I start each paragraph trying to answer your question, then get lost in my head thinking of new ways to understand it for myself and explain it to others... next thing I know it's three hours later and 7:21 AM... and my chemistry book hasn't moved an inch since I started this rant. Hopefully the Hulk part is at least entertaining for you.

Haha yeah the hulk part was good
Yeah I suppose though that I do think about girls, I'd be lying if I didn't, and I do find one particular girl so beautiful that I have wanted her for five years, not that I have the slightest ounce of courage or stupidity to ask her. But its more that I realise how pointless relationships are I guess, its not that I don't feel, just that I don't feel much, not even to my family, I never really felt close to anyone, and I suppose that because of my lack of feeling that I find the concept of relationships hard to comprehend, and because of how I am I don't really know why I pick certain girls, I seem to go for blonds, constantly, one of whom had ADHD, so i'm assuming an autism/genetic connection, but the other girl I don't know why I like her, she's smart and amazingly attractive I guess, I just wish it was as simple as it is with other animals, atleast that way I wouldn't think too greatly about situations.

For the most part girlfriends, at least for me, are like a slightly higher level of best friend with benefits. Or at least from my experience. The key is to find the anti-social seeming ones... think hot librarian... which is easier said than done since you are unlikely to find them at party's or whatever. I found one who was incredible but whos fundamental differences = no chance of working ( she didn't enjoy rants about chemistry or cognitive anything ). All we did was talk online and text ... and I think we left the bedroom four times over two months. She was also in my room 20 hours after I first talked to her, then in my lap about three more hours later, then in my bed quickly after that. Thing is ... A: didn't work out at all because she HATED rants about anything and B: She sucked at expressing herself or even knowing what to express in general ... as do I. So problems that could have been easily resolved early on boiled over and burned her, and she = too dumb to remember anything other than the " burn ".

Point is... things can be tricky. The key is to avoid dumb high school flings ... I have never heard of a high school relationship lasting over four years... which makes perfect sense. I also realize that I was also about 4x hornier then than now ... which is normal, but I also have heard from every single person I know, which is a fair amount of people, that they all would rather have their virginity back and all their random hormone " hulk " fueled meaningless sex past experiences removed. For the record, I figure my virginity is debatable at this point, but I consider myself about 6/7th's still a virgin. And really, I can't tell what the big deal with everyone wishing their first time was special is either ... just like how my first kiss involved zero awesomeness and a lot more ( Hmmm... am I f'ing it up? Hmm, maybe her tounge is having a seizure? ... no ... are we thumb wrestling or kissing ... cause this is getting silly ) ... then my second one, which was with a far more kissable lipped girl, was more like ( alright, she's starring at me a lot and not talking ... oh, right. that means it's go time......... hmmm better, but still feels like purgatory with an erection). And while it's not terrible ... it's also not AT ALL as awesome as it's made out to be. So I'm not so sure vaginal intercourse would be anything outrageously mind blowing either considering how me and the sexy librarian girl ( who worked in a library ) did everything but insertion, and I don't feel like I would have regretted or refrained from doing it with her ... but she was a virgin too where it counts. Which has really been my only ideal as far as losing virginity goes... not the biggest deal, but losing it to another virgin always seemed like a perk.

Anyway, going off on tangents again... basically just don't A: get pressured into it... B: Accept that there is a good chance tha you're going to get screwed over and that it is going to such. A girl whom I had a crush on since I was six years, who I now know pretty much tried her absolute best and practically threw herself at me, has been going out with the same guy that she ended up dating after I screwed it up. And it took me three years to get over it... every time I saw her and talked with her I relapsed. So yeah, depressing to think about, and for all I know it could have been nothing to begin with, but she was incredibly attractive in every way I like and fun as hell/supportive person ever... anyway, I just felt a sad, which quickly vanished as usual... so... C: Never attempt to use advice from the internet or from friends or even from girls with any significant weight. At best audit a girls behaviors and reactions, because if you're like me you have as good a chance as a colorblind person has seeing red or green when it comes to the " subtle ques " ... and if you take some of the advice there is a good chance that you'll regret it. I have had girls fit a lot of the " she wants you " category's who also turned out to be lesbians.

So yeah... you're a wounded deer in Wolftropolis. Learn to hide it or they'll eat you alive from every side.

Thanks for the advice mate, yeah I doubt i'll really be wanting a full on relationship anytime soon anyway
As for the deer thing, too bad because I have rapid cellular regeneration!

simply put...ditto