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Why not to go after an aspie girl

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Social_Fantom
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05 Apr 2009, 12:58 pm

I've closed my mind on dating altogether at least until I move to a new town. But even then my heart won't open up so easily. But should I meet someone I think I can be happy with, NT or not, then we'll see.


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hester386
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05 Apr 2009, 1:00 pm

If I ever met an aspie girl, I would be more than happy to give it a try. Until then, I will have to continue taking chances with NTs.



Tim_Tex
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05 Apr 2009, 1:19 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
none of my husbands, nor my many live-in relationships were with an Aspie man. Well, maybe one, but I didn't know back then, and he didn't know either.

but Tony Attwood says there are just as many female Aspies as male, we just present differently in social situations. I mean no one looks at a girl funny if they aren't into sports or competitive games. Being quiet and shy as a symptom of AS is over looked in girls, too.


Merle


I agree about the number of female-male Aspies being roughly equal.



Hector
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05 Apr 2009, 4:29 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
Hector wrote:
If you're going to be picky enough to only go out with women with AS, you're probably also picky enough to not feel comfortable with women who may or may not fit the diagnostic criteria. So in practice, the pool of women to choose from would only (or almost only) be among those who have already been diagnosed.

Men diagnosed with AS outnumber women diagnosed with AS. If WP is any indication, a large proportion of women diagnosed with AS marry early. Also, a relatively large proportion of women diagnosed with AS are asexual. Besides that, you have the touch and intimacy issues already mentioned in the original post. Overall I don't think it is a good criteria for someone who hasn't had success in dating in general.


Are you serious?

Huh.....never been married. :(

See the poll on the women's forum.



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05 Apr 2009, 4:36 pm

Yeah I know, I've never been married is all I'm saying.

I still haven't figured out this need to get married.... :?


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05 Apr 2009, 4:56 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I still haven't figured out this need to get married.... :?


The modern definition of marriage (not counting older polygamous definitions) was instituted in more patriarchal times... since generally speaking men are the ones that usually want some stability in life (vs. women who are often a bit wild all the time or otherwise may feel repressed), men used that institution to control women...



techstepgenr8tion
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05 Apr 2009, 5:35 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
Yeah I know, I've never been married is all I'm saying.

I still haven't figured out this need to get married.... :?


Buying your own place costs half as much :D



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05 Apr 2009, 6:52 pm

I don't know for sure but it just seems to me that aspie guys are more interested in aspie girls than the other way around. Among NT girls there is still a range of how extroverted they are. Although, I wouldn't even care if she was extroverted as long as she likes me.

For the record, this thread isn't aimed at the lucky ones who have found a girl, although feel free to put in your input as to reasons not to limit yourself to aspie girls.

MissConstrue wrote:
Yeah I know, I've never been married is all I'm saying.

I still haven't figured out this need to get married.... :?


Maybe it's because you're hot? Hot women don't have to hurry like homely ones.


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05 Apr 2009, 7:20 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:
We outnumber them. Yet it seems that many aspie men claim to limit themselves to only aspie girls so they are always slobbering over them. The odds are not good. My guess is that the aspie girls are sometimes annoyed because, being aspies, they don't like having that much attention. So we have a lot of guys going after a small group of girls that is largely not interested. And if you're looking for "the loving touch of a woman" my guess would be that they are also not the best place to look because many of them will have tactile sensitivities. I'm not bashing aspie girls or saying that it can't work, but I am saying that it would be foolish for an aspie guy to close his mind to NT women just because he has a stereotype of them as "brainless barbie doll c**ts." I have met a few barbie doll look a likes that are very intelligent but get a lot of disrespect because many people equate their blondness with dumbness and superficiality. No guarantees but an open mind should help the odds.


I think you've hit the nail on the head.


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05 Apr 2009, 8:57 pm

We shouldn't limit ourselves to aspie women but on the other hand aspie girls need luvin too! :P

AS or NT, they are all women, all beautiful and precious in their own ways. :wink:


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06 Apr 2009, 9:43 am

Being with another girl with aspergers is something I at one point thought about but I don't think it would work. First, the only aspie girls I knew in school were incredibly strange an unattractive to me(I don't mean that for all aspie girls so please don't get that misconception). Plus girls with aspergers have just as bad of a social impairment as myself(maybe worse) so if I were to try to be with them, my social skills would probably only worsen. I've come to the conclusion that I'd probably have to go with a neuro-typical girl. One, they outnumber aspie girls by a lot since any form of autism is much more common in boys. Two, I think perhaps I'd get socially better because not only would I have to but I'd eventually get use to it.



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06 Apr 2009, 11:22 am

dalekaspie wrote:
I would but the male aspie gene is stronger than the female, infact i havent met a single aspie girl in my whole life


That you know of. :wink:

I agree with what has been said previously that A) AS women can present differently, and B) There are a lot of undiagnosed/misdiagnosed women with AS.



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06 Apr 2009, 11:38 am

Why should people limit themselves? You could go out with an NT girl and she could have been lovely and the AS girl could have been a right cow or vice versa, aspie or NT there will always bee nicer girls than others.
Although I am a girl that finds myself more attracted to aspie guys lol. I did go out with one once when we were both 12, we only lasted a week but I don't care he was an arse and fancied my friend more and never hesitated to tell me so!


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06 Apr 2009, 11:43 am

MONKEY wrote:
Why should people limit themselves? You could go out with an NT girl and she could have been lovely and the AS girl could have been a right cow or vice versa, aspie or NT there will always bee nicer girls than others.


I wouldn't limit myself to exclude NT women, I exclude women that aren't genuinely interested and only show "interest" in attempts to use me...

The problem is trying to figure out if the interest is genuine or not...

Then it hit me: all the "interest" i had experienced from women thus far was fake... the women that were "interested" in me generally had less respect for me as a human being than the women that weren't interested... hence I now know that I am unlovable...



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07 Apr 2009, 3:42 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

I know that in theory the idea sounds great but in reality, unless your real heavily hit with your AS and you'd need an unwieldy amount of understanding, its about as sensible as being a diabetic and thinking that your best bet is to go online to find another diabetic to date and marry all the while thinking that it'll be so much better than dating or marrying a non-diabetic.


I understand, but, AS isn't comparable to a purely physical problem.

I only know 2 other AS'ers, but I find that I understand them better and am much happier being around them than NTs, because they're made the same as me and think like me, and I don't have to put on a veneer to act 'normal'. So I understand why someone would specifically want an AS boyfriend/girlfriend.



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07 Apr 2009, 4:04 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:

I know that in theory the idea sounds great but in reality, unless your real heavily hit with your AS and you'd need an unwieldy amount of understanding, its about as sensible as being a diabetic and thinking that your best bet is to go online to find another diabetic to date and marry all the while thinking that it'll be so much better than dating or marrying a non-diabetic.


I understand, but, AS isn't comparable to a purely physical problem.

I only know 2 other AS'ers, but I find that I understand them better and am much happier being around them than NTs, because they're made the same as me and think like me, and I don't have to put on a veneer to act 'normal'. So I understand why someone would specifically want an AS boyfriend/girlfriend.


I have to agree with mechanicalgirl... a diabetic can communicate with a non-diabetic on all levels (verbal and non-verbal alike) without much difficulty... on the other hand, it's like trying to communicate across a language barrier that does not dissipate over time... even traditional language barriers are easier to circumvent than an AS/NT communication because the underlying NT non-verbal communication is largely similar (at least on the level of multiple dialects of the same "body language")...