Another fielder

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I mentioned that I wasnt thrilled about hearing of her other dates and she said she was sorry to have upset me. I dunno, I'll be cautiously optimistic about that since she ALSO wanted me to "warm her up" last night since she said she was cold the way women do when they're in bed.

Telling her that was pretty good feedback, I would think - it's honest, neutral, direct. Sounds like you got a positive response, too.


M.

I'm glad you told her that you didn't like hearing about her other dates. Her comment about wanting you to "warm her up" was certainly very flirty, but again, don't read too much into it, will you? Remember, people often say flirty things in text messages, but she may be more stand-offish when you meet her face-to-face, so don't be disappointed. Best wishes, Jenny.

Good for you for letting her know what you thought (without being nasty about it.) Hope things go well this weekend.

Honestly, she sounds like a bit of a slut or maybe just a flirt/attention whore.

If she's a slut, you'll get laid, but you'll have to be careful, who knows what she has.

If she's an attention whore/flirt, she'll just string you along and waste your time, and never actually make good on her promises.

Either way, know what you are in for now, and feel free to get other pokers in the fire. The slut GF is not a ton of fun, though the sex can be good (if she doesn't give you VD).

My my, such cynicism! My past gf would always get flirty with me around bedtime by telling me that she was "feeling cuddly".

I think it's not so much the "feeling cuddly" part that is slu*ty, esp. from a girlfriend -- it's that this girl hardly knows him, but is throwing other guys in his face, and then switching gears and wanting him to "warm her up" too. Pretty disingenuous behavior from her, and in my experience, big warning flags of either being a slut (everyone gets a ride, and she's not picky) or being a flirt (no one gets a ride, but she leads lots of guys on to think they will, and gets off on that).

Well lemme just say this: If she turns out to be just flirting and is uninterested in going any further. That is-it becomes clear this is not going to lead to a relationship, or even just a good wham bam thankyou ma'am than Im going to break off contact and move on. Im really not interested in anything platonic with a woman these days, but I try as hard as I can not to be upfront because that would scare 'em all off.

That's good thinking. Some girls get their jollies off of jerking guys around and getting attention. For various reasons, they don't want or need sex (often they had some kind of trauma that makes them avoid sex as an adult), but they do enjoy manipulating men. Happily, this is a minority of women. Best of luck.

Im not so sure that women like this are a minority..... This behaviour seems to be very common among young NT women in the "college age" range(18-24). I think that most of them grow out of it by their late 20s but there are some which NEVER do either because they either had some traumatic experience with men in their past(like rape), have "daddy issues", or have some kind of mood/personality disorder(such as bipolar, borderline personality disorder, etc).

College age women are pretty spoiled in general -- they are at pretty much their peak in terms of popularity and power in gender politics. This is the age that men have the worst chances in terms of getting a date or a GF. Happily, things reverse themselves in your early 20s if you play your cards right (as I have been known to endlessly repeat in other threads). At least, I found this to be the case.

Um, I wouldnt say early 20s, more like ones late 20s. Women who are still single by their late 20s and/or newly single due to a divorce of the breakup of a LTR generally arent interested in playing these sort of games. What frustrates the living sh1t out of me is that those women who DO know what they want show ZERO INTEREST in me and the only ones who do either have issues or are too young and immature to know what they want.

You must be vibing something to attract those sort of women. It's hard, because sometimes it's a big Catch-22. When I was single, I couldn't find anyone, but as soon as I got the perfect girlfriend/wife, everyone in the world seemed interested. I even had an affair and two GF's at one point. Life isn't fair

Well how did you meet her? Im curious, did you find what you were looking for one day or were you not looking and it happened unexpectedly. And yeah, life isnt fair, but I really DO NOT f*cking need to hear that right now, k?

Sometimes life gives you something when you really need it. I was coming off of a really bad period of datelessness and loneliness where I had managed to pretty much wreck my own personal relationships and alienate all of my friends. I was pretty low self-esteem at that point, and starting to see the error of my ways. I saw that I did in fact have some serious issues in how I was dealing with people, how I was letting certain others use me (I shut that off right away), and how I needed to be more assertive in going for opportunities and being open to things not necessarily within my zone of comfort.

And bam, I met someone, right practically in my backyard. Not at school, but from the neighborhood, a new arrival, from another country. I know that there are a lot of stereotypes about foreigners looking to exploit needy guys, and it happens, but this was not quite the same (she was well-educated and intelligent, and spoke English as a first language) and our personalities immediately clicked.

I honestly have never met another woman who I clicked as well with -- some have come close, but none bring as much to the table as she has. We've been together for about 13 years, 11 of those married. They haven't all been great times -- sometimes we fight, sometimes we hurt eachother, and I've cheated on her twice, once while dating, once while married. Both times I went back to her, because no one else could compare.

And like I said earlier, as soon as you find someone, everyone else will be interested. The trick might just be to put yourself mentally where you feel like you already have someone (but of course don't lie and say that you do, just act like you don't care about it) -- something about that confidence attracts women. They are like cats in a way -- a lot of cats don't like it when you actively try to chase them down and pet them, but if you ignore them, they start sidling up to you, because they want the challenge.