Hey shy guys, some advice?

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Thank you, ToS. That means a lot.



Honestly, I've kind of been doing that all along. Just gently pushing him out of his comfort zone. Up until now, he has responded pretty well. Now, it's just cyberspace--no pheromones to run on.

Ultimately, he has his needs and he has so much to be dealing with right now. I'd like to help him and be there for him, but if I am added stress/a distraction at this point then probably the best thing I can do is to try not to take it personally. I appreciate all the insights into what might be going on in his head. I'm pretty sure he's not just 'blowing me off' because he really is not that kind of person. I suspect that he just doesn't know where to go from here or he's afraid he'll hurt my feelings if he says he can't do this. sigh

BTW, thank you Fudo for the chivalry. I'm sorry if I hit any nerves with my comments about relationships. I know people can be just plain crappy more often than not. I wouldn't make fun of anybody who is 'romantically challenged'. It took me more than 8 weeks just to say something totally lame to this guy.

Kitten, I wish I was him actually.

I'm just pointing that out... you did something for that man that most people wouldn't... if I were a terminal cancer patient, I don't think anyone outside of my family would ever visit me in the hospital... I'm just saying, you did a really wonderful thing just by being there for him...


Yeah that can be an issue... I would, in this case, send an email asking if he wants you to stop sending emails... it's a simple yes or no question, and should be easy for him to answer... and by answering, he will give you a clear notion of what is happening right now...


He could be feeling nervous because no woman has treated him this way before... that means this is completely uncharted territory, and he doesn't know where to go... if you ever do re-establish contact, remember that constructive criticism is always helpful, and doesn't hurt feelings as much (as long as you keep your tone helpful)... it's better to show him how to improve than to just say he's doing fine (although both are better than telling him he sucks)...

"BTW, thank you Fudo for the chivalry" no problem, from the way you're talking, you're clearly one of the "good" ones..
it's really quite touching to see that some girls can see the shy guys & give them a chance.. if only everyone was more understanding.
anyways "go get him" as the movies say

Tell me about it... so many women overlook the shy guys without even stopping to see what we have to offer...

take it slow

you can ask him questions to minimize your chance of rejection

yes it's a crying shame (no sarcasm intended) but what can we do? my "hope" is that a lady sees & hears me playing music & approaches me.. it COULD happen.

((Rare Pegs)) Would you tell him that for me??

Fudo--music is a HUGE door opener. You might be on to something. What do you play? (please don't say spoons or the saw because then I'll have to take that back... )

jemir1234-- sounds to me like you are in a no-fail position. If you can text her personal stuff, then ask her in a text to do something with you. You can do it. If you will, I will. If we both strike out, we can cry in our cyber-beer together. Wait, you are underage. Root beer, then.

ToS--asking him if I should stop emailing is a good idea, I might do that. I'm concerned about letting on, like typ3 suggested, that anything could be 'wrong'. However, abruptly cutting off contact is hard to interpret as being okay. At least, a week seems like a long time to me. Then again, as I said, I'm a chick. I need to communicate right now.

After reading all your posts, I'm almost feeling as if I could 'storm the castle' so to speak, but that might send him into apoplectic shock.

It does suck that most women won't give a shy guy a chance. I've also noticed most seem to prefer an "exciting jerk" to "nice but boring." A guy who's nice and shy pretty much always hears "I only see you as a friend."

"adapt"Fudo--music is a HUGE door opener. You might be on to something. What do you play? (please don't say spoons or the saw because then I'll have to take that back... )"
i play the guitar & less so bass guitar&percussion (not spoons but i would use anything)
i just have no band/musician friends to play with i play mostly "blues" at the moment, ironically.. ?

It's not necessarily "letting on" that anything could be wrong, but communicating your needs and desires on a wavelength that he will actually pick up on...


Well if there's anything I can do to help, just send me a PM...


Not quite shock, but he would be incredibly tense... just reassure him that everything is okay and try to show him the ropes, at it were...

Same here, except I'm 10 years younger. This is why I don't believe anyone who tells me "Oh don't worry, you'll find the right girl someday."


Correct. I sometimes wonder if boyfriends are valued for their "entertainment" more than anything else. I've tried to develop a sense of humor, but I guess that's not "exciting" enough. Being "nice but boring" does have its benefits... unfortunately, love isn't one of them.

But what's the problem -- do you blame the rest of the world for your situation, or yourself?

I don't conform to all the standards of "the rest of the world." I have my own standards.

That's not to say that I think I'm "perfect"... I do perceive myself as having flaws... many of which I blame myself for.

Makes sense -- but it also follows that if you reject some social norms or behaviors that attract the opposite sex, that it will be much harder to attract them, right? I'm not saying it's impossible, but it reduces chances considerably. So in the end, is it the womens' fault, or yours?

And what's your goal? A happy life? A principled life? A life with a woman? Or some variation thereof?

How do you plan to work towards that goal, and are you working towards it now? If so, to quote "Fight Club" -- "How's that working out for ya?"

Well, as the girl trying to give the shy guy a chance, at this point I'm on the receiving end of the shaft. Whatever his reasons, regardless of how valid, I'm still getting hurt. If it helps, there's a flip side, guys. Maybe not often enough, but my fragile ego is taking a hit, too.