Does money, distance, and culture matter if you're in love?

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There are a lot of red flags with this one. Not based on religion or culture, either. Age may be one. As stated, initially he was in a relationship with a minor.

And the fact he is a drug dealer, and the fact he has got in trouble with the law.

It doesn't sound like a situation that makes for anything stable, any sort of stable basis.

Yes, they do.




No, love alone was never enough.

how pessimistic.. love CAN work in any situation, lest you are so bitter as to deny it the chance to bloom..

Love can work if it's between people who at least once stopped in their lives just to consider what they really want and value.

However, people who are just steaming on and on without ever taking time for themselves will see love as an "ingredient" in their "life puzzle" (word used by career coaches a lot) alongside money, success, picking the right spots for vacation etc etc... These people, no matter how NT they are, tend to selfishly use others as chess pieces in their own life. Even a relationship is a sort of accessory to them.

If you get to know yourself well, money and distance are irrelevant. This is why some people who had "everything" from the beginning tend to end up with some lowlife from the streets while the people who never stopped would never consider anything but another person steaming through life. If that person would lose his job working for an international oil company or go bankrupt, their relationship would most likely be over since they weren't "equals" anymore and the life puzzle, the "perfect life" as imagined by these people, would crumble. They would have to seek new partners to balance their "life puzzle".

Look, idealism is nice and wonderful but it's real only in fables.

I am not being pessimistic yet.

ahh ok. enjoy being lonely then? meh

He wasn't a drug dealer in the beginning. In the beginning, he was working at a restaurant and had a visa. Then his visa expired and he went underground and started working as a lumberjack. Now I've seen firsthand, what kind of hard work that is and how it hurts a person. I guess an opportunity arose where he could make more money without hurting himself anymore and he took it. That just so happened to be drug dealing and he explained to me that he was only doing it so that he could save up enough money to come to the US. Yes, he was in a relationship with a minor, but I'm not a minor anymore. I'm 18 so that fact doesn't matter really. I'm 18 and he's 23. It's only a 5 year difference. That's really not that bad.

If you loved someone, wouldn't you want to help them out of their unstable situation? I mean he comes from Kosovo, a war-torn country. Now I don't have much experience with that sort of setting, but I can imagine that there might be a lot of difficulties coming from a place like that. I find his situation understandable, perhaps he's been stupid and made his situation worse in some respects, but I see it as that he's just trying to survive.

Yes, I think it's important to talk about what both of you want and value in life. My boyfriend and I have talked about those things plenty of times. I know him to be very open-minded and family-oriented. He rather make peace than war. He wants me to achieve my dreams and wants to make something of his life.



Are you saying that people with higher status might end up with someone of low status only because it doesn't affect their life a great deal, but if that person of higher status were to lose their status then problems would arise in the relationship? If that's what you're saying then I still don't think that applies to people who really love each other. I really believe that if you really care about one another, then you'll make it work somehow. I'm really not quite sure what you were trying to say.

I would have to ask what you think love is? Because to me love is, essentially, a selfless emotion. To quote Stranger from a Strange Land, "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Which is why I don't care about how much money my boyfriend has, or how long I have to endure his absence due to distance, and I really don't care if he comes from a different place than I do, especially because for me that's part of his appeal.

^^ if love is enough then why your relationship failed?

Love doesn't create a magical shield that protects a difficult relationship from all problems.

Well, kind of. People who don't really need to be a streber are usually free to consider what their hearts desire, and so they might end up with someone from a totally different class maybe even from a different country. People who feel they have to "become someone" and constantly work to boost their own ego and gain the respect of others tend to chose a partner which fits their situation more. Usually they don't understand true love, they are with someone because that person fits into their life puzzle and it's socially expected to have a relationship. The relationship is more of a formal showoff thing, "look I'm a doctor who married an architect!" than based on unconditional love.

An excentric millionaire is much more likely to pick up someone from a different social class than what a lawyer or an architect is.

Your right, it doesn't, but doesn't it give people the strength to make the relationship work?

And my relationship did not fail. Neither of us have given up just yet.

So, basically, I was right with my first point. You not interested at all in people's answers and opinions to your original post. Well, you're only interested if they reinforce what you've already decided, if people hop on your luv'd up bandwagon and tell you how fantastically romantic it is. But I use the word "fanstastically" for a reason.

You're not interested in any contrary views, or possible wake up calls.

You say you don't need to explain yourself to me, and nor do you want to explain yourself to anyone who disagrees with and fails to share your starry-eyed notion of your fantasy relationship.

It's funny how you don't feel it's necessary to explain your owns views or actions, but you're bending over backwards to justify your 'boyfriend's' illegal activities, wilfully overstaying a visa, dealing drugs...

Because he perhaps knows that an older woman will have more sense than a teenager who thinks she's like one of the two main characters in Grease, having a holiday romance, and then living happily ever after. Utmost respect? He was an adult while you were still a child, a minor below the age of 18, and he originally encouraged you to see him behind your parents' back, until you got caught out. How is that being respectful and responsible? Despite their disapproval, he manipulated you and your parents. And as for respect for you, how is it respectful towards to you, that he starts to deal drugs and then tries to abdicate responsibility for his own law-breaking by saying he's doing it for you. From what you've said, he seems highly manipulative, devious, criminally-inclined, quite mercenary and lacking in morals and principals.

The odds are really stacked against you living happily ever after.

But again, you don't want to hear that. All you want from this thread is for people to reinforce your own opinion that you're star-crossed lovers who are destined to be with one another.

Last edited by EnglishLulu on 24 May 2009, 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Avoid the middle-classes, that will make love work. Middle-class love is not real love and the middle-classes are the true scum of society.
Go for either a rich, excentric person or a lowlife. Not a middle-class scum. The only ones who truly believe there are economic and geographical limits to love are middle-class, just avoid them and don't listen to what they say. They live monotonous neverchanging lives anyway and will never have enough money to fullfill their true dreams, that's why they are so negative. Middle-class is s**t.

Also, prioritize people like artists, designers, authors and avoid the doctors, engineers and lawyers, also a good way to shut out negative elements who generally won't be able to see true love.

Last edited by Zoonic on 24 May 2009, 4:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Ahh I see. I guess I could say that I'm one of those people who could be considered to have everything. Makes me feel spoiled, but that just so happens to be the kind of life I was born into. Anywho, I love my boyfriend because he is respectful, kind, loving, funny, protective, and romantic. All good qualities in my opinion.

Then maybe I should start burning my money or trying to win the lottery in order to be a non-scum.