To the arsty liberal people...

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Being myself hasn't worked. Pretending to be someone else hasn't worked. Trying to get others to pretend to be someone else hasn't worked.

What else is left?

Ok. I'll just say it. I am still upset about that one woman rejecting me earlier this year. And the first serious attempt to try to move on was botched and derailed.

Is everyone happy now?

Tim,

I write the following with due consideration of the posts you've made to Love and Dating over the years. I think you're way too focused on a potential date's/mate's religion and ideology. Most people just don't care that much about these things when they're just looking for a date. They just want to meet someone who's fun, interesting, and caring. Yes, some of your interests and opinions make you different from a traditional conservative Christian, which only makes the need to forgo these concerns more crucial. You seem like an all-right guy, so relaxing a little bit and just meeting people as people, without preconceptions, would probably help you a lot.

You're still in college, right? Trust me: That's a goldmine for meeting women. After you graduate and go off into the "real world," it can get much harder because you might not be surrounded by people in your age range most of the time; this is my current situation, and it sucks. Meet women in class, in the dorms, at the library, in the gym, in clubs/events/social groups, wherever. Just take the chance to say hi and try to make conversation with them. If you can point out something interesting or novel or say/do something that will impress her (but not in a try-hard way), she'll remember you more. Get to know them as friends if you're not a seductive charmer, so that way you know how to interact with women better.

If you want to develop any talent at sparking immediate romantic/sexual interest from women, you have to work on your nonverbal communication (very important), your personal sense of style, and your ability to project yourself as someone interesting, worth getting to know, who has it together. You have to understand the individual woman's motivations, needs, fears, hopes, and desires.

Overall, I recommend just getting yourself out there to talk to more women, to try new things, and to advance beyond the simplistic labels you've assigned yourself.

Don't pretend to be someone else. Be someone else. This is only going to happen by allowing yourself to learn and grow. You are expecting others to change, but you aren't considering that you yourself change. Pretending to be someone else is not genuine change. You cannot learn and grow by continually posting here. You can only learn and grow by getting out and experiencing life. As I said in your "Is Tim_Tex a loser" thread,

Turn off the computer.
Go outside.
Do something fun.



And to everyone else giving some very scathing comments:

If you haven't seen my post in Tim's "Is Tim a loser" thread, here's the gist: I know you're frustrated, but if you really want to help Tim out, DON'T POST in his relationships threads!! It's not helping, Tim just gets frustrated and defensive. Posting in his threads simply prompt him to respond more on WP, when what he really needs is to get off WP, go outside and do some life reflection on his own, and living life while doing it. Only then will he be able to make any progress towards tackling any problem, let alone this one. Thank you very much for the consideration.

I feel I don't connect with anyone, and that it's because I cannot be classified into a specific clique.

She's a wise lady indeed.....but a terrible fortune teller.

Turn off the computer.
Go outside.
Do something fun.


[ /quote]

This is a good advice, but easier said than done.

What you should realize that some aspies have zero social life, zero friends, going out and doing something outside like clubbing,partying,drinking or any kind of activities isn't easy when you no friends. In addition, people who club alone are automatically perceived as unusual and avoided.

I spent the day supervising a group of Americorps volunteers on a park project. The Americorp team leader was a young man that was probably no different than the men here. He wasn't Brad Pitt but he wasn't ugly either. The team consisted of 10 of the most beautiful sweetest nicest women in their late teens and early 20s, college student mainly.

The team leader planned some sort of post-project pizza party for this evening. I watched him systematically collect the phone numbers of every single one of these ladies so that he could inform them later about the when and where of this party. I did note that he failed to collect my number.

The man didn't go to a bar or a club or use any inappropriate compliments to attract these ladies. He didn't tap tap tap away on his computer or visit okcupid. He didn't whine, he didn't make any excuses, he got out there and did something, he took the initiative and now he knows several nice ladies that are available for dating.

How many more excuses are you going to make?

You are addressing to me?

I'm addressing everyone that is busy making excuses and whining.

Listen Granite, I think this was addressed to me since I am the only one who mentioned the clubbing. First, I am not really seeking any relationship and enjoying more to be with myself.Second , you have no idea about my circumstances.

Third, I was just stating a fact, not every guy is a sport or green-peace team leaders. In fact, go the autism section and you'll find out that most aspies suck in sports big time, to a scary extent.

And it's a very normal for a team leader for a such activity to take the phone numbers of all his members , there's no bravery here, it's just a normal procedure , any team leader of any gender and age would do it , he might not even intending to date anyone of them.

Fourth, yes those men are whining and making up excuses , why you care that much? Since you came to this forum and you didn't stop whining yourself about how men are whining here, leave them alone.

Sports? What sports?

We were cleaning up a park.

or scout leader or any_outdoor_activity leader

You don't need to have friends to go out and have fun. When I needed time to reflect on my own, I stopped posting on here for several months, and went and learned how to snowboard on my own. Didn't go with anybody else. Simply went out and did what piqued my curiosity.

You just need to have the determination to do it. Don't think too much about it, except "I have one life, and I can do what I want with it. Enough excuses, just do it." Stop thinking about what you can't do. Start thinking about what you can.

You're assuming that because he collected phone numbers that those women are all of a sudden "available for dating"? I get phone numbers and emails from women all the time where group events like that (or even something as simple as a college group project) as are concerned. It doesn't mean I'm going to try and date those women. There are other reasons to have someone's phone number you know...

There was a very good reason he needed the numbers. The Americorps leader was planning a pizza party for that night. He didn't have the details worked out yet. The man was going to have most of those 10 women in his home that evening and he was going to call each and everyone of them to tell them what time and to give them directions to his home. Once they arrived he was going to be able to talk to all of them during the course of the evening, and get more information.

The man didn't have to throw the party, he took the initiative to do so. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he turned in the cost of the party to Americorps for reimbursement.

10 pretty women, one guy. This was a man with a plan, most likely a very successful plan.

Kudos to you, 'Puppy, for being brave and taking the initiative. I need to stop making excuses, myself, and get on with things. It's so tough for me to motivate myself to do stuff alone, but...yeah.