The real reason why you aren't hit on much by women.

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yes idk. see I've noticed a trend where what use to be skinny is now called fat, what was fat is now called obese and what was obese is not super obese.

yet I haven't adjusted to that trend so I don't see it that way hence why I see the trend. its a horrible trend that makes women feel bad about their bodies
however they don't see me as good enough, even though I see them as thin or average. I see them as beautiful and right size. perhaps it would be better if I was able to think like the trend and call them fat?

No, she's really fat. She weighs between 200 and 250 pounds and she's 5 foot 6 inches tall. To make matters worse she can't take phentermine because it would interfere with her asthma.

I keep on seeing these gorgeous girls in public and wonder why I'm with GF but then I remember most of my friends are with girls who are more or less average. I guess that's the fate of the average guy.

I get what you mean about thin or average girls thinking they're fat. Now I'm attracted to underweight girls just as much as the next guy but I still like average girls or slightly overweight buxom girls. Just not ones who fit the medical definition of obese.

She's nice though. She's fun, affectionate, good natured, practical... and sometimes sort of crazy. Not the good kind of crazy. Maybe she's bipolar or something. Gods know I've got personality problems myself. I'm in a glass house so I shouldn't throw stones right?

But sometimes she's the opposite of Kurgan's girlfriend. Instead of her calming me down it's more be me trying to calm her down. She said once she'd help me with my depression. She said I should talk to her when I'm feeling down. Now I'm not sure if she can help.

She's lost about 20 pounds this year, which is good. I could coach her to further weight loss but then she'll say "Why are you being so shallow? You didn't used to be shallow." One of my friends said she was too fat and it seems like a catch-22. He says if I don't get her to lose weight she'll die from a heart attack.

If I tell her to lose weight I hurt her and if I don't my friend thinks less of me. You can't please everyone, right? But I don't like that society has contradictory ideas. It's bad for a guy to be shallow, right? A guy shouldn't care about looks, right? But a guy should also be with a pretty girl. That makes me think that to fit society's ideal, a guy shouldn't care about looks, go into dating with no standards, and by pure chance end up with a pretty girl.

I think society is based on narrative structures that don't work in the real world. People expect the rules of fiction to work in real life but they don't. e.g. people always expect the underdog to win but in real life that rarely happens. People always expect the poor guy to bootstrap himself out of poverty but his disadvantages can't always be overcome by just trying harder. It's almost like our culture thinks a pretty girl is your karmic reward for not caring about looks but really that would happen only by the sheerest of coincidences.

I think most people who love their gf/bf don't tend to care what they look like ie being fat anymore.

idk though as I've never had a relationship. I don't mind fat women as long as they aren't super super fat.

I'm not that fat myself, I suppose its lucky I'm really tall or I'd be fatter.

The same with men though. I looked on an Incel forum once and half of them had turned down average women cause they wanted models.

I wouldn't want a model. though i don't find models pretty. i think they are too skinny.

Yeah, based on this logic I should stay with whatshername. She's losing weight and her appearance is increasing from terrible to near average.

I won't mind too much if she doesn't become super skinny. If she can go from very overweight to slightly overweight I'd consider that to be a great improvement. Also I'll no longer be worried about her having obesity related health problems.

because most women still expect men to make the first move, duh!

It's like the song says ...

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife!
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you!

A pretty woman makes her husband look small,
And very often causes his downfall!
As soon as he marries her, then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life!
An ugly woman cooks meals on time,
And she'll always give you peace of mind!

Don't let your friends say you have no taste!
Go ahead and marry anyway!
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match,
Take it from me, she's a better catch!

(lyrics attributed to Harry Belafonte)

Hey A « Revelation » just hit me ! Now, some of you know, I have this « woo-purveying » belief, that for every action, you get an equal & opposite re-action ! Just what if like, according to the thread-title, you are not hit on by members of the opposite-gendre, because you yourself have never bothered « hitting up flirtatiously » upon members of the opposite-sex How are you supposed to get « hit upon » when you are not initiating that « re-action » from « inputting » said desired action ?

Like, when you punch someone, surely you will get punched back, yes ?
Likewise, when you act all into someone, surely you will get some kind of similar interest in return, too ?

Holy cow I think I just might be onto something ! O_O

I think that's a good point Ban-Dodger.

Not necessarily. Act "all into" someone and risk being labelled a creep, or even a stalker.

It's easier to play the passive role, while simultaneously developing one's own interest in the things that the "someone" finds interesting. Sooner or later, it will begin to bother them that you aren't acting like all of the other guys do (e.g., you are not hitting on them). If she doesn't, then she likely never will.

Why do you guys want a woman in your life so much? What is it that you think we bring to the table? (Other than a sandwich.)
The earlier posts indicate to me an element of resentment. But I don't understand why.

We're competing with each other to see who can become the world's first male-Golddigger.

People's expectations can be too high though. Especially with a partner. The cultural value ascribed to a partner is mythic. Reality never lives up and then we blame our partner, but really the expectations could never have been met.

love , companionship, someone to hold/cuddle/sex, play games with, walk with, hike/camp with, be there her when she sad/vice versa, etc

I would cook for her, as for sandwiches I don't want someone else to make me one, haven't had that for very long time. I think that would be super weird. i don't eat them much but when I do I like to make it a specific way.

I am starting to feel some resentment and it scares me but I suppose its the unavoidable path of ugly worthless men.

Hmm, yes, this can be a good point for those of us without discernment, because we cannot always tell the differences in age in others, and I've certainly had security called on me before when I first attempted to practice « social-skills » only to be suspected of being some sort of pedo-phile (I still retain many child-like & teenage-mentalities [perhaps due to not having been able to yet out-grow them for reasons of not having experienced or been able to experience them during my child-hood & teenage-years]).

I have also experienced insane amounts of coincidences in my life, and due to my wide variety of things in which I used to put my attention into, I could tell that there were girls who ended up indeed, interested. One extremely beautiful one (I suspect from Poland as her last name was Zolnowsky), from a university I once attended, sat next to me in a Calculus-class, and mathematics was her major & she even scored consistent A's on everything (I was having a lot of personal-issues during that time of my life though which caused me to be unable to function... almost at all).

Anyway, one day she sat in my seat for some reason (this seems to be a girl's way of telling guys that she really likes him, such as when you sat on a bus a previous day, then you see her sitting where you sat yesterday, and I know from experience that she will not resist you IF you decide to just « take her » with you to follow you, like reaching out for her hand, then the rest is up to you), but like I said, I had issues during that time, and never bothered talking to anyone nor looking at anybody. I would notice things out of the corner of my eye but that was about the extent of my social-interaction (and was even called anti-social by other peers due to my lack of social-interests).

This girl, I could see out of the corner of my eye that she had cartoonist drawings, and I even had a few animé-style drawings of my own in my binder/folder, that I could tell that she noticed out of the corner of hers (even though I had them not clearly visible due to being below a clean sheet of white-paper but you could still see the out-lines & silhouettes through the sheet anyway), and she started clearly looking in my direction more frequently (I never really made anything out of it though even though I really wanted to but then again my life had too many complications for me to be able to feel worthy of her plus the fact that I was already in-love with another girl, also extremely beautiful, due to ridiculous amounts of coincidences, even to the point of feeling like what some call soul-mates, but nothing came out of that, either, due to a variety of complications [upbringing was rough & the parents I used to have were such asses that it got me to the point of being unable and unwilling to trust anybody or even anything]).

Hind-Sight, how-ever, does tell me that the mathematical-genius girl would have been willing to help me through my hard-ships & math-problems, rather than rejecting me on the basis of thinking that I was too stupid for her (she did hear me speak frequently in foreign-language accents in class & even in other languages with some of the friends that came to see me in class who were from other countries). Also, mathematics used to be my strongest subject (something that I had historically always scored straight-A's in up until that time), but a past issue with a parental-unit caused me to go through extreme trauma which had since then somewhat « programmed » extreme trauma into me any time I attempted to solve any kind of complicated mathematical-formulas (for said parental-unit was largely responsible for causing me to eventually become psychotic in the first instance, and this is NOT because of some pseudo-scientific idea of brain-wiring gone bad, but more because anybody being chased around the house by a parental-unit when they have a knife in their hands is simply going to eventually make anybody really f*****g psychotic !).

Anyway, I suspect that for a lot of so-called autistics or so-called Aspies, abusive parental-influence causes them/us to feel far too embarassed to want to risk even trying for any so-called relationships, considering that it would probably be a common belief amongst many Aspies that their very own parents would probably just end up ruining any potential relationship that they could possibly have anyway. Eventually I simply stopped calling them mom or dad & would only refer to them on a first-name basis since as far as I was concerned they did not deserve the title of a parent (due to being extremely irresponsible as to how to properly raise & nuture, considering that they were abusive, despite my once-perfect grades in school, despite the fact that I never did drugs nor drank alcohol, despite the fact that I wasn't rebellious, despite the fact that I did not go about stealing cars or robbing banks or hanging around gangs & bad people, etc).

Also, reading this thread-title once more, I am also beginning to suspect that a lot of Aspies actually are hit upon by the females, just that we may either not necessarily recognise that we are being hit-upon, and as a result we simply do not react in a manner that could end up resulting in starting any kind of relationships with said females.