Can Men And Women Just Be Friends?

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platonic to me is indeed without the desire for more.

It is perfectly possible for sexual attraction to exist in a platonic friendship, as long as there is no *desire* to act upon it.

As an aside, it is perfectly possible to have a heterosexual male-female friendship with neither feeling any attraction;
Some of my female friends are quite a bit overweight, for example, and others use more makeup than an average concrete wall.
Both of these types are completely unatractive to me.
(Yes, i also have some that are of normal or high atractiveness. Still, i have no desire to act on that, for several reasons)

platonic lady friends are ones you can play clapping games with, and not be embarrassed at all.

This thread got me thinking about some of the women in my life...

I have a female friend I went to school with. We have flirted constantly for over 20+ years and I can honestly say I would sleep with her and she feels the same way (told me directly as she knows I wouldn't understand otherwise). And this is an attraction that has lasted since we were both teenagers we just can't resist flirting with each other. And yes she is married and her husband knows there is something between us which obviously had caused a few problems. So we are avoiding getting into a situation where things can get out of hand . We are trying to maintain a friend zone but it's failing when we see each other. The reason we were never together was down to me been unsure about what our relationship is and not knowing how to explore it.

The other female friend I have (ex girlfriend) has also said she would sleep with me (said after 10 years been split) as long as it's just sex and I didn't tell her boyfriend (fiancée now) I have been tempted but have resisted. So success there I guess but she keeps hinting finding it a bit confusing. Especially as she said it recently and she is heavily pregnant!!

I am also trying to have a friendship with my ex-wife and we have ended up sleeping together several times this year since we split up. We are actually staying in a hotel together for a gig this week and she said that's the last time we do anything so I assume she is expecting/wanting to have sex with me. I think she is finding things a bit complicated, we know we need to be best friends for the kids sake. But I am coming to the conclusion I can never be friends with her, though she is actually my best friend so it's going to hurt when I cut her off completely. And hurt the kids when they realise they won't see her much any more main reason I am resisting doing it don't want to upset them.

God I wish genders didn't exist at times life would be so much simpler.

I honestly do just want a female friend with nothing between us. I find male friends to be a bit harsh when I need to talk about things. If I mentioned what I have above to them I know the reaction would be just "Get in there.." or something along those lines.

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( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me )

^Exactly. The fact two single men and women (and, in your case, sometimes even when one is single and the other is already married!) can't truly be friends without attraction is just sad.

Women can rarely be just friends with a male without him eventually developing feelings for her and her having to reject him and possibly lose a good friend.

Men can rarely be just friends with a female without eventually developing feelings for her and having to suffer unrequited love from someone who will never love him back, and in the end also lose a good friend because he never managed to get over her.

Desire is inevitable in sexual beings. It cannot be denied.

In a civilized society, it must be sublimated most of the time.

Ironically, in "primitive" societies, it might be sublimated even more than within "advanced" societies.

It's great if it's channeled well. Muses (which are, usually, objects of romantic interest and/or rejection) are extremely useful in all the Arts.

When suffering unrequited feelings, whether that be lust or love or anything of the kind, I do not develop hatred or resentment for the object of my feelings.

It is not them I resent but the situation. The situation of being in unrequited love.

It is however especially hurtful when you develop unrequited love for a friend as you know it can never be anything more than that, know that if you tell them your feelings you may ruin the friendship or scare them off and then lose a good friend, etc.

If I develop a crush on a classmate or acquaintance it is different as there is less attachment and trust built-up.

You have a weaker bond with classmates/co-workers/acquaintances so being attracted to one is nowhere near as hurtful, and you also have more of a chance of being with one of these people than a long-time friend who can only see you as a brother or sister.

"This is just stupid, anyone can be infatuated with anyone. It is not a male or female thing. Women may not let this on but they do feel this way, just maybe it is someone else."

For the most part it does not feel this way. Of course women can fall in love, of course they can for a male friend, but men tend to fall in love easier, harder and faster than women.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... ntics.html

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a57 ... tionships/

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... -date.html

I think a lot of time people are attracted to the idea of being with someone when they don't really know them.

If you have the tendency to become infatuated quickly, then if you are aware of that keep giving yourself a reality check.

Putting people up on pedestal is a bad idea. I know from experience.

I'll add my two cents here: I have a female friend whom I asked out a week or so after spending time with her; of course, she said no, but I thought that meant "let's wait and see." So I found out a month later that she really meant no, took a break from interacting with her, came back a month later, asked if she still wanted to be friends, and have been friends with ever since. It took me a while to realize that this person is someone who has one of the strongest friendships with me right now. I think it's certainly possible to have a mixed gender friendship, but it's best to get all feelings of romantic attraction over with from the getgo by asking her out, so that no lingering doubts remain.

That's assuming the romantic feelings happen before the friendship begins, not after.

Otherwise, when things happen in the reverse order, things become a little more complicated than that.

For all the advice of revealing your feelings to a woman from the beginning and not being her friend only to reveal your feelings later, much less can be said on when the opposite happens - you develop romantic interest far further into the friendship, and based on both statistical and anecdotal data, it's more likely for you to fall in love harder and faster with your women friends for them to ever fall for you back.