any women here who have never dated, never had a boyfriend?

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Personal attack...nice.

So when you have a disagreeing opinion with someone make an outrageous ridiculous unrelated comment, accuse the other person of acting childlike and then act like a pretentious snob.

You said women were 'the selectors', and called this a privelege. You're now agreeing men can 'select'? At least have the decency to stand by what you say!

Incase you were unaware - and I'm sort of sarcastic, sort of serious here - if a woman approaches you and expresses romantic or sexual interest, you're not obliged to go along with it. It's okay to not find her attractive, or not be in the mood, or whatnot.

I created a dating profile. Women initiated. The sky did not fall in, and Satan did not ice-skate to work.

well, to be clear, i'm not really talking about any type of dating per se. i talk to people in internet forums. i'll give you one recent example:

a complete stranger (on another website) pm'ed me about my avatar because she really liked it. she said "it just makes me smile and i had to say it. i hope you're having a good day. cheers". i took the bait, and i kept chatting as if i already knew her. i realized she was someone i could possibly be interested in, and i realized she probably thought i was female (which she did think), but i didn't say anything. later we ended up chatting every day for a couple of weeks. for that period, she was the main person in my mind throughout the day, and it was clear that (for that period) i was important to her too. at one point she said something sexual, and i said "lol i wasn't really wondering what you look like until now, but now i sure am! disclaimer though: i'm average-looking". she was confused, but not put off. she seemed more interested and curious about me after that

on one hand i display interest, but on the other hand i show that i'm only talking because i'm having fun at it (which is genuine. i entertain the thought of a relationship with all my female friends and newly-met acquaintances. it doesn't imply any expectation. it's just part of what a friendship means to me, regardless if it's superficial or not). then i keep talking like an equal, but i say or imply that i'm below her level at something. i make it clear that it doesn't bother me. so the natural implication is that i believe i'm probably above her level at something else. she has her strengths, and i have mine. when she saw my picture, she said i'm good-looking. i wasn't surprised (although i was surprised about how specific she was with her compliment). she wasn't the first to say it. but i wanted her to think so, on her own, because i know it's a matter of taste and opinion. i do try to take care of my appearance, but i don't want it to become a priority, and i don't want to be tied to someone else's taste

for me the whole process is about dissipating preconceived pressures and expectations. it's how i ended up attracting a girlfriend, except it was literally by accident. i had completely given up on relationships, and i had no idea of the effect my behavior was having. i just really appreciated that i had a friend who kept talking to me day in and day out despite all my flaws, and appreciated how it allowed me to fantasize. but as far as i was concerned, my fantasy was exclusively one-sided. until one day i was informed that it wasn't. the fact that i had no idea what i was doing or what was happening definitely caused a lot of problems. but still, it worked, and now i know why

It's a sad distraction. It's hard enough already - it's not like the amount of time and effort put into arguing men have it worst when it comes to dating couldn't be put to better use.

The cliche of the aspie is the intelligent, hyper-rational mind, parsing arguments and ideas with disinterest. I think too often we're just better at hyper-rationalising the beliefs we're really fond of. Unfortunately the former cliche feeds into the self-conception, making it ever harder to shift bad thinking.

I got you. Oh absolutely men can be the selectors. And I totally recognize that women can be initiators and plenty of relationships and hookups have happened when women went after the man. There are a lot of women have faced a lifetime of rejection and loneliness. And I do sympathize with them.


I'm just having a laugh at people who seem to think power is perfectly balanced in the dating world.

but it's not a linear scale either. it's apples and oranges

Well, your post kinda reminds me of my PM conversation with that guy...I think I really blew it. He was awesome. He knew all about my special interest and in a panic I blurted out a load of rubbish. Poor guy.

You sound wise...basically appearing down to Earth and non-threatening, but an equal still which is important.

I think if she was having a conversation with you at all then there must have been some sort of attraction there, at the least a little bit of curiosity. I'm always having to remind myself of that.

So whyever were we arguing? You know how it upsets the children.



So... no-one? You're laughing at no-one. Well, I suppose it's good to keep a cheerful attitude, and I'm led to believe the ladies appreciate a sense of humour.

Thanks mate . And I seriously laughed out loud how you copied and pasted a section of the dictionary.

Is the flamewar over? Is it safe to come out now?

http://notesonrhetoric.blogspot.co.uk/

Not a dictionary, except in that it somewhat apes Bierce's Devil's Dictionary. It's a collection of ironic (but also not) definitions of common rhetorical flourishes. Though birthed/based in the arguments around the war on terror in the mid 00s, there's much that applies in most online arguments. You accused those who disagreed with you of being 'emotional'. As I said, it's a rookie mistake.

now i'm curious about the story. probably getting too off-topic for this thread though


lol, so much kumbayah going on here. anyway, thanks . that's really what i try to be like and what i want to be like. it's always an ongoing effort. unlike my appearance, it is a priority to me, and i want it to be. i appreciate it when someone recognizes it


i'm not sure if my post was clear enough (i guess there's room for confusion), but the "recent example" i was talking about was someone else, a few months ago. i stopped talking to her after those few weeks (there was no offense or anything. it just got boring because of certain developments). my ex was a much longer and complicated story

been there... i wasn't even aware it was supposed to be an offense. the reaction took me completely by surprise

Emotions were flying everywhere. I don't want to quote others because I've hurt enough feelings today by not backing down, but generally typing a bunch in capitols and a bunch of exclamation points just shows anger and anxiety.

I've have had plenty of bouts in online debating also. Obviously Hitler and the nazis are responsible for problems in dating

in soviet wrong planet, problems in dating are responsible for hitler and the nazis

Yeah. Hitler couldn't get a girl which gave him low self-esteem which lead to an inferiority superiority complex in which he tried to boost his self-esteem by trying to take over the world