How do some people get partners so easily?

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In my extended family there are 3 women above 20 who have never had a boyfriend and 4 men above 20 who never had a girlfriend. (in about 2 years it might be 5 women and 4 men). Of course if most of your friends are male you will more often hear of men who have never been in a relationship or have trouble with relationships than of women with these problems. The same applies if you spend a lot of time online on forums that discuss this topic with more male members than female members (or where male members are more comfortable asking for advice regarding this problem). Sure I've also seen a lot more male people on WP complain about not being able to get a girlfriend than female members complain about not being able to get a boyfriend but I have not seen more men than women complain about this problem on dA for example (dA is basically about art and not about romantic relationships but some people like to talk a lot about their personal problems there).

Anyway, it's just examples and as such not really relevant but as WantToHaveALive ask about women who can't get boyfriends in another thread:

I am 23 years old: never had a boyfriend. It's not that I don't want a boyfriend but I am not sure if I'd be able to be in a relationship as, contrary to what some people here who have never been in a relationship appear to think, relationships do not fix all problems and there are not only positive aspects to relationships. They also are a lot of effort and can be stressful and I simply do happen to have some executive functioning problems and getting to know new people can easily be stressful, embarrassing, exhausting, headache inducing and cause a lot of other kinds of psychosomatic pains for me.
Theoretically I'd want to find a boyfriend and my 'ideal' future would include having two or three children. Practically I won't have an easy time finding a boyfriend because I simply am not a very desirable partner ( I'd possible manage to get 1st dates but there are so little 'normal' things I could say about myself I couldn't prevent the guy from realizing that there's something wrong with me on the first date thus chances to get a second date are a loooot lower). Currently I am not looking for a boyfriend though as my executive functioning problems fluctuate and have been particularly bad the past 1 1/2 years and I have trouble focusing on as many goals at the same time as most NT people can.
Anyway; I am not nearly as desperate as some of the men on here who can't get a girlfriend (neither are the men I know irl though).

My sister is 21 years old: never had a boyfriend: she has a kinda narrow range of interests and seems to be a bit judgemental towards some interests a lot of people have as well as of people who have a normal sex drive. I'd not necessarily say she'd never consider having sex but she might be asexual (as well as autistic). She isn't looking for a relationship but she talks way too much about things related to relationships to not be interested in them. I think she might be able to get a boyfriend eventually but I'm less sure she'd be able to keep a boyfriend. She tends to have irrational outbursts of anger.

My aunt is 49 years old: I'm not sure why she never had a boyfriend (probably scared of sex, but that's pure speculation) but she has some issues too and is quite irrational, immature and selfish. Anyway, not a lot of men would have been interested in her anyway, but if she didn't have whichever of her issues kept her from having a boyfriend she might eventually have found someone and probably not have kept him very long because irrational, immature, and selfish. (for the record, being scared of relationships or something that usually is part of them is not the same as not wanting them)

Now the men I know for comparison:

My brother 25 years old: has Asperger's Syndrome but much more severe than I do. He is on disability because jobs make him so uncomfortable he can't keep them. It also prevented him from studying at university and caused lots of problems at school. I don't know if he wants a girlfriend but I know that he can fall in love. He has huge problems communicating his emotions likely due to alexithymia.

My cousin 29 years old: I'm sure he is NT; but he refuses to work any job because he insists he'll be a famous writer; only he has been trying for years now and isn't really earning any money that way. Sex disgusts him; thus he'd never have sex. He has a lot of unpopular opinions some of which are rarely ever found in the same person. He also is a lot more selective than most of the lonely men on WP.

My cousin 22 years old: I'm not sure if he wants a girlfriend or not. I'm not even sure if he is straight. Personally I don't know anything that indicates he isn't but his sister has semi-seriously speculated he might be gay and it's likely we wouldn't know if he was because his mother is very religious and very intolerant. Anyway, he spends the whole day in front of his computer.

My half-cousin 26 years old: He never finished school, never had a job, he did drugs and he has schizophrenia. Some of this is his mothers fault because she's a horrible person. I don't know if he wants a girlfriend.

Anyway, the point of these examples is; all of the people I know irl who have problem finding a girlfriend/boyfriend have something 'wrong' with them and the women are not significantly more impaired than the men. (I have many relatives; they're not all like that) Of course these are just a few people and not enough to draw an 'objective' conclusion from but the impressions some people here get because they interact more with men either in general or in ways that would result in them finding out that the other person has always been single are no more valid sources for 'objective' conclusions.

These definitions you quoted don't match at all, can't you see it?

Hanging out with women doesn't make men gain much insight into women' secrets because there's a kind of social wall between women and men.

Only relationships do that (of any sort even casual sex); this barrier only falls within a relationship involving physical intimacy.

I hanged out with a lot of women as friends and in group settings; but I am totally sure there are things they never talk about in front of men, not even their male friends.

Same for the men, the way some men talk in front of women is completely different than the way they talk when they're in a males-only group.

One striking difference is the amount of swearing-words/jokes some men use while talking in a males-only group but once a woman enters the room these same men become saints secreting holy water.
Women in general also would yell/lash at a man who doesn't follow this etiquette rule.
(Using words such as F and S words (or any equivalent in other languages) in front of women is considered socially very rude and unacceptable; and this btw is pretty much cross-cultural.)

There *is* this kind of hidden social wall between men and women.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 Jan 2017, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well to be fair one can't really talk about men or women without some generalizations that aren't going to be true for every male or female. However generalizations like women don't deal with social risks, being viewed as a creep/threat and things like that are certainly inaccurate.

You like everybody though. Usually without any merit either.

merriam-webster: prejudice



Your definition matches the first dictionary definition (a)

I am using the third dictionary definition (c) to describe what you are saying when you use the term "in general," which is: "an irrational attitude of hostility directed against a group or their supposed characteristics.

When you say that a group has it easier you are othering that group and those who you include in it. It's a prejudice.

It really isn't cross cultural...I observe men and women both swear, and most guys don't think its unacceptable to swear in front of women. I'd be pretty annoyed if someone who generally uses swear words was careful not to around me because they think being female makes me to delicate for it. I swear myself....It is rude to swear at people however.

I disagree w/ you and agree w/ Boo on it being cross cultural. Maybe it's not quite as strikingly obvious as it is in the cultural environment Boo is describing, but in general swearing is definitely more socially acceptable around a group of males than it is around women & children.

Definitely can relate to the bolded bit! I noticed myself swearing in front of my friends' family and I noticed that they noticed but didn't say anything about it. It truly is a bit of a Tourettes tendency where it just happens & casually flows vs. intentionally saying something potentially offensive. Also, I certainly didn't swear AT any of them, and would not. There's a big difference between swearing in the flow of speech vs. swearing AT someone.

Um...what? Which planet....?

I stayed a lot in Turkey.

I have worked with French for a while.

I have been in Czech Republic where there were a lot of Brits and French too.

I have been in few other places of Middle East.

...and I have seen this pattern consistently among the men, like everywhere.

I've never been in the US though.

It is cross-cultural.

Maybe the Heavy Metal subculture is different.

Here some articles written by women on this phenomena:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens ... ve-a-.html

http://ms-jd.org/blog/article/cursing-a ... o-big-deal

and in your country, in the USA, there was a dead law in Michigan that specifies exactly that:

http://www.dumblaws.com/law/559



So I am not inventing something.

and Sweetleaf, even if some of your male friends use some curse/f language in front of you, some might be 10 times worse in front of guys only. I have seen these cases too.

No I don't.

The difference can be as striking like in the following example (no kidding):

Me: So how was your weekend?
Him: It was f*****g awesome dude! I went to the beer festival yesterday and met a hottie called Celine, she s**** my d*** in the bathroom and then I took her to my place and b**** her a** till midnight!
Me: Okay....

<2 mins later, the female colleague comes in>

Her: So how was your weekend?
Him: Oh it was nice, I went to the beer festival yesterday and I've met new interesting people there; I had a fun time overall.
Me: I see a halo shining from you.
Him (whispering): Hush...shut up you.

Well it doesn't seem all that common where I live, I know some socially conservative religious types might take issue with swearing in front of children or women or take issue with women swearing...but generally its not something I run into especially in my generation. Seems like something someones grandma might tell them not realizing it is an outdated norm from a time when women couldn't even vote or something.

Either way I disagree with that social rule....A grown woman is hardly the same thing as a child and shouldn't be treated as one and we shouldn't be pressured to act 'lady like'. I swear in the flow of speech quite a bit unless I am around people I know don't like it then I try not to, and I've never had anyone tell me it was inappropriate or had guys make a point not to swear in front of me.

All guys I know curse in front of me, and based on some of the subject matter thats come up in conversation when I'm around I doubt they're making an effort to curse less around me. If they are 10 times worse around just guys then I suppose I will never know.

Either way I was saying its not consistent in all places for it to be considered rude to swear in front of females.

Well I live in colorado in the U.S so I guess that planet...

Also I don't doubt that was a law at some point, it would seem though it was over-turned, which wouldn't happen if most people agreed with the law. There certainly was a time women where seen as essentially children you can have sex with so that law was likely a left over from that dark time.

IMO, it is. You're just.. different in the sense that you are autistic and likely behave as a bit of a tomboy, like "one of the guys," so they're comfortable swearing around you. I know I'm less conscious about my swearing around my (tomboyish) sister than I am around some girly girl I don't really know.