Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

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Joined: 5 Jul 2017
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19 Jul 2017, 2:47 pm

Closet Genious wrote:

This post is based on observations on this forum. There seems to be alot of people here who strongly believe that if they just find someone, that it will make them happy and fullfilled. From my perspective, this seems like a ridiculous idea. Maybe it isn't, maybe we are just different? I know from experience that a relationship in itself is not the key to happiness(for me).

What makes you believe that a relationship will fulfill you?

My relationship DOES fulfill me. My girlfriend is also an Aspie and we understand each other *PERFECTLY*. We are both geeky Whovians. I don't see her love of scrapbooking as some mental disorder that needs to be cut back or cured. She loves to chat, I love to listen. She never thought she would find anyone who got her, didn't have a boyfriend until we met 2 years ago. I *GET* her. I thank God for her every day every moment I'm alive. I know from hard experience that relationships with NTs will never work for me.

drwho222
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19 Jul 2017, 2:48 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Outrider wrote:

Sometimes I wish the world was a happy, peaceful place, sometimes I want anarchy and disorder.

Anarchy and disorder please!

I can't wait for global warming to cause chaos and disaster so it can annoy my aunt/uncles/cousins who I'm jelous of becuase they're smarter and more successful than me. Hopefully there'll be a runaway greenhouse effect and/or an economic depression. The heat will melt them! :twisted:

That's pretty sick. Is your life really that vapid?

cberg
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19 Jul 2017, 2:51 pm

I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.

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drwho222
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19 Jul 2017, 3:01 pm

cberg wrote:

I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.

Oh the greenhouse effect is very real. But WANTING the world to end? That's nuts.

hurtloam
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19 Jul 2017, 3:11 pm

drwho222 wrote:

cberg wrote:

I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.

Oh the greenhouse effect is very real. But WANTING the world to end? That's nuts.

I think he was being facetious.

RetroGamer87
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19 Jul 2017, 4:44 pm

hurtloam wrote:

drwho222 wrote:

cberg wrote:

I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.

Oh the greenhouse effect is very real. But WANTING the world to end? That's nuts.

I think he was being facetious.

That and frustrated. Not all of us are fortunate as you drwho222.

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Outrider
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19 Jul 2017, 9:39 pm

drwho222 wrote:

Closet Genious wrote:

NO, a relationship WONT make you happy!!

You need to learn to be happy on your own first.

If you aren't happy bring single than you won't be happy in a relationship and will bring all your problems with you into it and make it worse for her.

You need to stop putting women and relationships on a pedestal.

If you can't be happy single you aren't ready for a relationship and it will be a short, toxic and dependent relationship!

/Sarcasm

Im.happy that you've found true love.

Everything I said above is all of the typical dating advice I get all the time, and it couldbt be anymore wrong.

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20 Jul 2017, 4:35 pm

:lol: good post outrider.

TheSpectrum
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20 Jul 2017, 4:40 pm

Outrider wrote:

So....I should put women on a pedestal?

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ShadowProphet
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20 Jul 2017, 4:42 pm

Let's face it, people get lonely, people get horny, people want companionship. If people werne't lonely, werne't horny, they woudn't have as much of an incentive to go out there and try dating out.

A part of being a guy is having this intense sexual energy and this often drives us. We see a hot girl, we think damn she's so beautiful, I have to talk to her! If a guy isn't lonely enough or horny enough, he isn't going to pursue the women he likes. And if you never pursue anyone, you're not going to have any luck in dating.

So when people say you'll find a relationship when you're not looking, that statement is a load of bullsht if you're a guy. If you're a girl who's attractive enough, that statement is likely true. No wonder it's always women who say to wait, because they're women and they never had to pursue.

BuyerBeware
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20 Jul 2017, 4:52 pm

People get lonely, really lonely, and think a relationship will supply loving companionship. Be the end of loneliness.

It doesn't, and it isn't. At best, it gives you another breathing human being (complete with needs, wants, demands, foibles, and pathologies). And they're very interested in you tolerating their issues, but usually not so interested in tolerating yours.

For the purposes of companionship, unless you are specifically looking for sexual intimacy or to build a family, I'd recommend good friends over a relationship.

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hurtloam
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20 Jul 2017, 4:57 pm

ShadowProphet wrote:

So when people say you'll find a relationship when you're not looking, that statement is a load of bullsht if you're a guy. If you're a girl who's attractive enough, that statement is likely true. No wonder it's always women who say to wait, because they're women and they never had to pursue.

It's not true for any gender. I have loads of single female acquaintances with no one interested in them. No amount of waiting around will fix that.

BuyerBeware
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20 Jul 2017, 5:11 pm

Not true. I've had to do quite a lot of the pursuing both in friendships and relationships.

The only guys who have pursued me, other than my husband within the bounds of marriage, were either desperately downtrodden and looking for someone to fall on, f**k, and forget, just looking to f**k, or controlling creepy psychopaths who didn't even want to know ME but still wanted ownership of the cute skinny girl (not so cute and skinny after 4 kids, so I guess they would have been disappointed if they'd managed to cage me) to prop up their self-esteem.

Every relationship and friendship I have had has required me to do at least half of the pursuing/initiating to get off the ground and maintain.

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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"

TheSpectrum
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20 Jul 2017, 5:55 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:

In other words....the buyer must beware :jocolor:

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Outrider
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20 Jul 2017, 7:41 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:

Outrider wrote:

So....I should put women on a pedestal?

DrWho22 metaphorically(?) said he thanks god every day for his girlfriend being in his life. Sounds like him putting his girlfriend on a pedestal because as we all know, only single creepy nice guys put women on a pedestal, and people on relationships don't depend on their partner for happiness whatsoever.

Serious question. Do you think if two people in love put each other on a pedestal. It could make for a healthy relationship?

TheSpectrum
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20 Jul 2017, 7:57 pm

No way. It's a relationship killer! One day, someone will get fed up. It'll take a long time for the unrequited love to then heal.

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Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?