Slys dating site advice help thread.

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I wouldn't introduce you to women, either, and I can't fault your coworkers, friends, or sister for not doing so. It's not because you're not a well off doctor, but because you think you're a loser. Who in their right mind thinks "I should set my female friend up with sly, he's suicidally depressed, I'm sure they'll hit it off and start a wonderful relationship." No one wants to put that type of person upon their friends. You have to focus on your mental health first & foremost before you can meet anyone yourself or expect anyone to introduce you to someone they know.

As per another thread of sly's, chances are way more likely that they don't want to transfer him from where he is because it's an undesirable role that they have difficulty hiring for more than any other reason.

I've been stuck in jobs like that where I was particularly good at a terrible job so companies wouldn't promote me. I had managers tell me they didn't want to move me because they wouldn't be able to fill the role with someone who could do the job so quickly. A few times in my life I've then said I need a promotion/change of role because I need to earn more money than this, that's why I work as hard as I do at the entry level role. They've refused, so, they lost me. I just went and found a better job and pay elsewhere and never looked back.

I dont know but I do work in the clearance area, which doesn’t follow the same rules as the floor. There’s literally the sales floor and then us. We aren’t included in the sales floor. The floor gets priority for everything too so i dont know what a rack check is rack verify, zip strip, and many other things even are. My department is the black sheep of the store I guess, no one likes covering our breaks up there they go crazy from the boredom and heat.

No there was a opening. Transferring works like this. The store posts a opening on the site you apply for it like any other person off the street but have to check a thing saying your a current employee, we get no benifit for being an employee. They didn’t then. No it was my lack of sales experience. I’ve not tried for any departments since. I would wanted to either work gun counter, gun library or the ammo department. I own and shoot guns and they’re one of my special interests so I spend hours learning about different ones. They hired a attractive lady who doesn’t know anything about guns(according to other gun area people) but pretty women sell stuff to men better I guess. That’s why fast food hires all teenage girls.

Agree. I am sorry you are hurting sly, but you have unrealistic expectations of others & very few (if any) expectations of yourself. Not exactly a recipe for success.

This is unusual off me, but I actually side with Sly on this one. I don't doubt you when you say that you're not depressed despite being single, but the thing is, you and Sly are two different people. Just because the thing that is the root of his depression does not make you depressed it can still perfectly well be the case for him.

I agree that not being depressed would probably raise his chances in getting a girfriend, but there's no on/off -switch for depression. I'm sure he'd stop being depressed right now if he could. And yes, it'd be better if he got rid of his depression before getting a girlfriend because even if he did manage to get one, I highly doubt his depression would just be gone the next morning. Sure, he might start slowly getting better since his life (probably) gets better with a girlfriend, but it won't happen overnight since the on/off -switch for depression does not exist. It can work the other way around, or so I believe, but the chances for that are probably smaller.

There is a possibility sly’s depression is situational (lack of girlfriend), but I believe the bigger issue is abuse in his family of origin

It's not that being single never ever depresses me, it's more that I'm just not generally depressed. Sure, sometimes I get in a funk and have some depressive thoughts about the fact that I've been single my entire life & I could dwell on that to the nth degree and depress myself further, make myself believe that I'll always always be single etc - but that doesn't serve me, my happiness, or any other goal in life I have. I've posted before that I'll probably always struggle with those thoughts - thoughts that I Should remain single so as not to ever burden a partner with my ASD. But in general, I'm ever more content being single and have some very long term goals to focus on that have nothing to do with relationships - and could very well be more easily achieved without the distraction of a partner, anyways. Long term goals, I find, are a beautiful distraction from wanting a partner in life. Also, I acknowledge that in my situation as a fit gay man, being able to have about as active of a sex life as I could possibly ever want wards off a lot of the depression that would come with being single and involuntarily celibate.

Regardless, even though not having a gf contributes to sly's depression, I still do not believe it's the root of his depression. His own state of mind is. It's just amplified by his wanting a gf and not having one.

Sly hasn't posted about any attempts to manage or improve his depression. One or multiple proven methods may work for him slowly but surely, or like a switch. Could be a sudden epiphany, pharmaceutical intervention, or some other means like I've found for myself. As I've shared here for years, I had tried MANY things, but the one that made the biggest super quick impact was realizing I was deficient in some minerals (magnesium & sulphur) and dealing with that resulted in lifting the WORST depression & anxiety of my entire life almost completely in a matter of 5 days. So, some people improve their mood bit by bit, others in leaps and bounds - just depends how things play out for each of us.. but anyone who overcomes depression does so via some sort of effort to change vs. doing nothing at all about it and expecting a miracle to occur.

It’s entirely situational. I was happy back when I didn’t like girls and had tons of friends to spend time with. I was super happy during brief times I had romantic interests talking to me and hanging out with me. I think I’d be mostly happy with a gf, maybe in time if she accepted me I be entirely happy and no longer feel bad about my work.
But I doubt I’ll ever find out. From what people say here if I ever get a gf it won’t be til I’m 80, no thanks. I’d rather die thenlive past 35 single.

My uncles are mean is that what you mean? They from a different generation, it’s how their generation was. Doesn’t make it right and I don’t like them. I was sexual abused as a kid by moms friends son. I never knew my dad or he’d probably sexually and physically abused me like he did my siblings. That being that I grew up with no dad and few males involved. I was raised by my mom, grandma and older sister. I’m too feminine:( something my drugie cousin dislike and so constantly picked on my with my older brother.

Oh noes, single passed 35! Big deal. There are many people single at or passed 35. I'm one of them. Doesn't magically mean life is no longer worth living. There are other goals in life besides having a partner, and once you focus on one, single life is MUCH more palatable. My new long term goals may take 10-15 years to accomplish. Presently, I couldn't care less if I'm single the entire time - or beyond. There's SO much more to life than having a gf/bf. Academics, sports/fitness, friends/family, hobbies/interests etc the list is nearly infinite.

Focus on even just one thing that makes you happy and you'll have a better time of life than focusing on the one thing you don't have but want. Ironically, then as a happier person you might just accidentally attract the thing you want into your life.. but you won't find out continuing to dwell on things that make you miserable.

They get depressed when they're single because they only focus on what they don't have.

Great. So just be like that again.

That’s the same for me and most aspies at work. I’ve managed to deal with it by saying work is only a job I don’t come here to make friends. If your work is mainly university students then don’t bother. They generally want to hang out with other students. Look elsewhere for friends.

I’ll probably be single past 35. There is more to life than dating.

You have friends outisde work? I don’t have any anymore. Work is the only lace I interact with people and thus my only chance to make friends or meet women in person.

It’s 18-24 old women and some men, then 40+ men and women. There’s one woman my age but she’s a manager at 26. Do women 25-30 not work in retail? It really does seem sales target attractive young women since sex sells. Most stores, banks, and food places have 16-24 old attractive women. Who doesn’t like buying stuff from pretty girls I guess. Where’s the female shoppers’ eye candy :p

Where would I look? Seems most people my age are all working middle class jobs that take up 40-80 hours a week and when not working they’re with their wife’s and 4 kids.
The only acquaintances I know are two. One I met 8 years ago when I airsofted and the other I met in college. Both are in their 40s with lots of kids. We talk occasionally via text. All my past friends I met hrough friends, I have no friends to introduce me to new friends. Even then what’d we do? I bond via activists but I can’t afford actives and you can’t hang out playing video games anymore. I’m really at a lost of how to meet people. And there’s no freiendship matching sites. Maybe I should allow the government to pay someone to hang out with me. Atleast it’s get me out of the house besides to go work where no one likes me.

What? My expectations that people would like and treat people for who they are rather then how much they make. Yess in today’s superficial society that is crazy. People are only worth as much as they are useful not better then an object or cattle. It’s quite sad.

I only expect the same I’d offer. I don’t have superficial requirements of people. I don’t care if a woman’s fat, is it really so bad to want a woman to not care I’m poor? I see lots of women complain they can’t find a bf cause they fat and guys won’t date them, apparently lots of guys call them names and insult them via messages. Yet here I am willing to accept them and compliment them. All they’d have to do is be ok with me making min wage. Or maybe like those guys said they should just lose wieght then they can have their well off guy and the guy can have their thin gf. Win win.well except for me. But if they want a guy who accept them for who they are they need to be willing to accept men for who they are. Otherwise theyre just hypocrites. But from my view most humans are hypocrites who via blinders fail to see how they are hypocritical.

I use to feel bad for them, not so much any more. I now see it as karma. They don’t accept guys and as such guys don’t accept them. Though i dont believe in karma, if it existed I’d gotten good stuff by now. I help everyone I can’t. I am respectful and nice to people. No there’s no karma. Life is just crap to some people and nice for others.
What did kids do to deserve cancer at 5? Karma lol

0.o guess you don’t entirely hate me

Thanks for acknowledging people are different. Some people here are in the cult of the one true way to happiness. Some people are more made to be alone. That’s why there’s inoverts and extroverts. While most aspies are the first. I and others are the latter. Another one of God’s cruel jokes liking make a bird born with defective wings.

Catch 22. Like people only want experienced plumbers but to get experienced a plumber needs work but people won’t hire them cause they aren’t experienced.

I’d need a gf to be happy. I’m not meant to be alone but I am and have been for all my life. Slowly over time I became depressed and more depressed. I won’t be happy dancing in the street if I get a gf, I’ll be happier and if it last in time I’ll be mostly completely happy, I say that cause no ones happy all the time, I’ll still have bad days at work but being as most my bad days is in relation to my lack of relationship and how women treat me that’d be gone if I was in a relationship. And that won’t put any stress or whatever on said gf. Just as it doesn’t for billions of people in relationships. Everyone one derives happiness from their relationships and friends and family that’s why we have such things or we’d just knock up some woman and she’d go make a pack with other women like Lions. Humans are social creatures. I’m way more happier when I’m dating or cheating with women, and I’m not even around them we just texted throughout the week.

I don’t talk to anyone, I haven’t be touched or hugged in 5/6 years I’m emotional starved. No different then when in a relationship one spouse neglects the other. Everyone is supportive of them, but when it’s a single guy going though the same thing it’s bash bash bash. Also it’s very night and day how people here treat guys vs girls
With girls it’s all about how they find a guy and how they deserve a guy etc, guys it’s you just need to learn to be happy alone. Why do girls deserve relationships but guys don’t? What makes women more deserving of love and emotional and physical support then men? I think with guys it’s cause we’ve been taught to care and see women as needing protection, while men are just suppose to suck it up and pull themselves up by their boot straps. There’s all kinds of videos about how differently a female crying and a male crying are treated. I dont know know why women do it thougH, besides womanhood where women protect and side with each other. Men though turn on each other, we don’t unify in a group like women do. There’s no manhood where it’s all for one and one for all lol. It’s strike him now when he’s weak.

I just wish I’d be treated like the women here get treated. They don’t get the Told to be happy alone. Or to give up on finding a bf.

Honestly I’d take a long distance short relationship at this point.
Or a short term relationship. I’d prefer long term but it’d be nice to be wanted and have emotional support even if just for s few weeks. And maybe more women would be interested in me since women find men in relationships attractive.

Would you be willing to help me write a new ad. My past one had zero effect, even the spam bots ignored it. Sad, I usually got one real message and 10 sex spams from past ads. Some hot Russian nude lady wanting to hook up is clearly a spam lol
She’s way to attractive for me for one and two I don’t live in Russia.
There’s a lady who wants a sugary dad on Craigslist currently and one who needs rehomed since she moved out of state for s guy and now they broke up.
If only I won the lottery. I’d take one of them in. I think honesty that’d be my only chance., t date a good digger. There don’t seem to be any homeless women my age. Would they consider me dating up if there was? But then I can’t shelter them. Maybe I should try eventually to get my own place then maybe a lady would pretend to like me in order to get free place, food and gifts?

If I’d had my own place when I was 25_______ probably would keep pretending she liked me instead she left and week later started sleeping with and then moved in with a guy. She’d lost her place since her roommates moved out. I could t let her stay with me so told her no.She’d slept with a guy before staying with me then left half way to sleep with another guy. She didn’t sleep with me cause I didn’t actively push her to like they did apparently. Dam my manners and respectfulness, though 1. I’m too kind and doing so seems to walk the line of rape, 2. May been better though wish she hadnt had me Touch her down there. Mean in hindsight I wouldn’t done so if I knew hours before she’d sleept with her ex, or was that the other guy she was trying to date same time as me and she left mid week to sleep with th ex. I can’t remember.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. You need to meet more people.



Sex sells? LMAO. The reason they employ young people like students is because they can get away with paying them less, it's nothing to do with "Sex sells". From my experience people tend to either use retail as a stepping stone to a better career, or older people. I don't know, but a lot of women in retail equivalent jobs do things like beauty, hairdressing etc.

I can't tell you how to meet people, but there must be ways. Relying on work for romance is a terrible idea. Go and do things, Volunteer at places, go to events that happen locally, go to friendship or activity groups, offer to help at events and at places. If there is nothing in your city on meetup.com I will eat my foot.

It seems like you're relying on things like your job and online dating to meet people so it's pretty clear why you aren't getting anywhere. If you used all the time you waste moaning on here to do something useful, it would be a step in the right direction.