munstead wrote:
That's also incorrect. Also, remember that loads of us on this forum are "aspies like me" as you put it... pausing on that may help you.
And many of them are chronically single and lonely just like me.
When I was a teenager, I knew a family friend who has AS. He never had any success with women. He died in his 40's having never married or had a girlfriend.
As for me, the only relationship I've ever been in was with an abusive sociopath who targeted me specifically for my vulnerabilities. That relationship ended in 2009, and no other woman has wanted to date me in over 13 years.
munstead wrote:
Honestly I would just try as best as you can to relax about the problem you are describing, hard as that may be. Try baby steps at improving yourself; I often view the world through a RPG lens, that I am levelling up attributes as I go through life. Those improvements bring greater confidence. I don't believe there is a way of telling if someone will find me desirable, so until that point happens I'd focus on trying to make yourself an incrementally better version of yourself. Forget societal doctrines of attractiveness etc. It may be the person or persons that do find you desirable are 'eccentric', so a norm is irrelevant and so you don't need to have worried about that. The better version of yourself you are, the better chance you have of making something of such an opportunity.
I understand where you're coming from, but the problem is that time is no longer on my side. I'm already 40. I've already missed out on ever being with a young woman, and it won't be long until the only women I can date will be grandmothers.
munstead wrote:
I would also not rush into meeting anyone IRL that you meet on a dating site. Build things in a safer environment; do the courting by written comms, and perhaps in time spoken comms on say discord. Save the IRL until you know each other well and are very much into the person's mind, what lies beneath the skin. That way you won't waste your time on people that run away when faced with certain behaviours that you have previously said have been offputting IRL. This method hugely favours the aspie dater IME.
The problem is that I cannot tell if I'm even attracted to someone until I meet her IRL. There was someone I talked to online for a few months, but once we met IRL I realized that there was attraction at all. Whatever time I wait before meeting IRL is time I risk wasting if we don't click when we meet.
27 Feb 2022, 7:09 am
