If a partner doesn't lead to happiness...

Page 12 of 13 [ 197 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

RICKY5
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Dec 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,201

29 Nov 2010, 12:22 am

Quartz11 wrote:

nick007 wrote:

I spent 6 years trying to find someone online but women who are desperate & unwanted still won't give me a chance :cry:

An arranged marriage is appealing because I could skip the social BS of trying to find a woman; It's about the only way I could get a woman.

Except how often do you see arranged marriage in western society?

menintights wrote:

Quartz11 wrote:

Just find some unattractive, unwanted girl on the internet that's needy and desperate. There's plenty out there, once you start running across back corners of the internet and among the awkward gals you knew from high school.

And with that statement, you just revealed yourself to a be a scumbag.

So far this year, I've had two women I met through another forum hit on me - both were willing to sleep with me, and both were married. And then I had a girl I went to high school with go all Level 5 Cling-on.

I don't have to do anything. Crazy seems to be attracted to me. Now if I was a scumbag, I woulda ran off and hooked up with any those three, then dumped em once my needs were taken care of. But, I didn't - however tempting cheap sex might be - because I rather not have cheap scumbag hookups.

Maybe run the emotional roller coaster on them. I bet if you treat 'em like crap and they'll come back for more!

nick007
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

29 Nov 2010, 4:18 am

RICKY5 wrote:

menintights wrote:

Quartz11 wrote:

And with that statement, you just revealed yourself to a be a scumbag.

nick007 wrote:

An arranged marriage is appealing because I could skip the social BS of trying to find a woman; It's about the only way I could get a woman.

Nick, someone has to say it: If the only way for you to be in a relationship is for someone else to be pushed/forced into having a relationship with you, then maybe you don't deserve to be in a relationship. It's one thing to have an all-around low self-esteem and be depressed 24/7, but to also view women as a commodity on top of all that... I don't know about lots of women, but I'm not liking you very much right now (and several times before that).

Quartz11, if slumming it works then go for it! :twisted:

Nick, this isn't Durkadurkadurkistan so get that crap about arranged marriage out of your head. It's funny you mentioned going for guys. If you are actually bisexual, go for it. Two bits of advice though, buy a shower nozzle and always use a condom.

Durkadurkadurkistan

I do NOT believe that I am an unlovable horrible monster. I believe I do deserve love because I almost always put my partner 1st & I do everything I can to keep em happy because seeing em happy makes me happy. It f#cking sux that women won't give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I think if they would give me a chance they might become attracted to me & be very happy with me. I see lots of women go for guys that they are attracted to but after those women get in a relationship with the guy for a bit they do not like em. I do not think attraction is all it's cracked up to be.
I'm a lesbian in a man's body. I don't have a chance with women because women who are attracted to my feme characteristics are lesbians. If women were attracted to me the way gay guys are; I would probably of been married by now

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

29 Nov 2010, 9:56 am

RICKY5 wrote:

Maybe run the emotional roller coaster on them. I bet if you treat 'em like crap and they'll come back for more!

that is nasty advice. being a nice and kind will carry a person through to the end of their lives, and is worth cultivating - both so that people can continue to be decent to each other, and also so that a person can live with him/herself.

why do you want men to be mean to women? i don't understand how it could help you resolve some of your own issues to advocate that.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

29 Nov 2010, 10:30 am

hyperlexian wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Maybe run the emotional roller coaster on them. I bet if you treat 'em like crap and they'll come back for more!

As long as one is genuinely nice and not just saying they are... the point i'm trying to make is that i'm doing what I can to be the former, but still end up being the latter...

nilescrane
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Nov 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 894

29 Nov 2010, 10:33 am

Not to get completely off-topic, but the problem with a lot of guys on here is that they are extra-nice to a woman, which isn't any better than being mean to women. A guy on here baked cookies for a girl that he was trying to get a date with and at the moment wasn't close friends with and not at all romantically tied with. A lot of guys, like him, also are overly-friendly to women, without displaying any masculinity whatsoever, which at best just leads the woman to think of him as just a friend, at worst she's creeped out by the over-friendliness.

The same guys get mad and bitter, usually at women or the world or both, when this doesn't work. I may or may not have mentioned that a friend of mine was stalked by an Aspie guy for not being attracted to him. They went on a couple dates, and he acted really, really nice, bought her a lot of gifts for no reason. She realized she wasn't attracted to him (lookswise and because of the over-niceness) and he said "That doesn't matter, you will be attracted to me." When she basically all out told him that it was a physical thing and that she would never feel any attraction for him, he didn't care. When she finally called it off with him, he threatened to show her mother dirty pictures of her that she'd given him, also threatened to go to her workplace and tell her boss that she slept with the manager (which she did, but that's beside the point)...he also threatened to kill himself if she didn't give him another chance.

Guys that are overly nice usually have a bitter, manipulative side when things don't go their way. So self-proclaimed nice guys aren't nice at all.

Kilroy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,549
Location: Beyond the Void

29 Nov 2010, 10:40 am

hyperlexian wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Maybe run the emotional roller coaster on them. I bet if you treat 'em like crap and they'll come back for more!

I don't think he means mean in the traditional sense, he means mean in the "exciting bad guy" a lot of girls like, because its exciting and they are cool and whatnot
you know all that social crap lol

spongy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

29 Nov 2010, 10:44 am

Kilroy wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Maybe run the emotional roller coaster on them. I bet if you treat 'em like crap and they'll come back for more!

I don't think he means mean in the traditional sense, he means mean in the "exciting bad guy" a lot of girls like, because its exciting and they are cool and whatnot
you know all that social crap lol

The problem with that is that you woud have to pretend to be someone you are not all the time and youll eventually get tired of pretending/be found out eventually.

As someone mentioned before nobody wants to go out with a fake.

_________________
Please take the time to answer this quick survey to help improve the community

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt255139.html

Kilroy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,549
Location: Beyond the Void

29 Nov 2010, 10:49 am

well what do you recommend then?
don't hate the game, when the "game" played by men here, ends in failure
and they come here and share it in great detail

spongy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

29 Nov 2010, 11:02 am

I would recommend being happy with yourself and most other things would sort themselves out(I think it was katzefrau who mentioned its mostly about self respect)..

I have only had one relationship in the past and it was when I lacked most social skills. I was 12 and I discovered most of my classmates liked/pretended to like my jokes so I started feeling great about myself and I started seing a classmate, we did most group works together and we spent most breaks just doing whatever we fancied.

A year afterwards I realized I had become a class clown I lost most of my recently gained self respect and the girl and I decided to go back to being friends because of some problems(she started having some issues on her family and I stopped paying attention to her for a while).

_________________
Please take the time to answer this quick survey to help improve the community

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt255139.html

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

29 Nov 2010, 11:18 am

nilescrane wrote:

Okay then, so understandably getting all bitter about that is uncalled for, but what could this guy have done differently to affect the outcome? Understandably the showering with gifts could be cut out, but then it's hard to find the balance between getting a response of "he's smothering me" to "he's ignoring me"... Perhaps being a little more gracious in the breakup than he was (particularly with this guy's intent to harm) would at least regain her respect (or gain, if he had never properly acquired it before rushing into the relationship). I for one was grateful towards my ex in breakup, because at the very least she gave me a chance when nobody else would, and as a result we're still friends (I still have intense feelings for her, but I just use my aspie ability to shelf those feelings so they don't get in my way again). So as it stands, there's hope for the future, no matter how miniscule the chance is, and honestly, a little bit of hope is just what I need to keep going at this point. On the other hand, if I had tried to pull the crap that this guy pulled, there would be no way she would even be talking to me at this point.

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

29 Nov 2010, 11:31 am

Kilroy wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Maybe run the emotional roller coaster on them. I bet if you treat 'em like crap and they'll come back for more!

I don't think he means mean in the traditional sense, he means mean in the "exciting bad guy" a lot of girls like, because its exciting and they are cool and whatnot
you know all that social crap lol

he said to treat her like crap, and i took that at face value. he is free to explain further, but judging from this post he seems to be advocating that men should treat women badly.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

nilescrane
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Nov 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 894

29 Nov 2010, 11:40 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

nilescrane wrote:

Yes, but your problem is likely that you were TOO nice but without the stalker behavior, putting you in strictly friends territory. From what I know of you, you probably were extremely compliant with her and submissive, which most young women don't want in a lover.

For instance, women have told me (and guys that get a lot more women than I ever will have told me) that women want a guy to make the plans. So instead of calling up and saying "Do you want to get together?" and letting her come up with the idea or being vague on plans...a guy should say "Let's go out to lunch and then go bowling" then she'll either agree or say "Well I don't like bowling, what else would you suggest?"

Most women don't want a guy that just merely exists and is just grateful to be in her presence. Even the more boring girls want a guy that has at least some leading ability and shows backbone.

The guys on this site (not saying you Toad) that constantly come on here with "A girl rejected me or told me let's just be friends" type of stories all seem to lack any dominance whatsoever. How do you expect a woman to know you like her when you act timid around her and nice to a fault? (Rhetorical question.)

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

29 Nov 2010, 11:53 am

nilescrane wrote:

Honestly, i'm more afraid of driving a woman away by being too assertive, or crossing the line into domestic abuse. If I don't make sure that she's enjoying the relationship, I might end up becoming all self-centered in it, and forget that there is another person involved.

Which is not to say that I don't just let her come up with everything either. In my last relationship, I would often ask "hey would you like to have dinner here?" or "wanna go grab a coffee?" and even at one point invited her to come see a show that I was working on lighting for (I could have gotten her in for free too), and other related offers, and they just kept getting shot down one by one (overall, only one offer for a coffee run was later accepted). Is there anything I could have done differently there?

nilescrane
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Nov 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 894

29 Nov 2010, 11:57 am

I don't know since I don't know her at all and weren't there to view the whole thing. Maybe she was just a downer herself which isn't your fault, it's hers.

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

29 Nov 2010, 12:04 pm

I can't help but blame myself though... and I still wonder to this day what I could have done differently.

Kilroy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,549
Location: Beyond the Void

29 Nov 2010, 12:54 pm

what you did is done, you got to move on or be sad forever

Page 12 of 13 [ 197 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 Next

Jump to:

If a partner doesn't lead to happiness... Post Reply New Topic

If a partner doesn't lead to happiness...