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Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

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Raleigh
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20 Jul 2017, 10:46 pm

Loneliness has been shown to reduce life expectancy as much as smoking.
If you're lonely and you smoke you're extra screwed, I guess.


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cberg
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20 Jul 2017, 11:19 pm

Without knowing what we've seen how can anyone know why I'm so happy? <3

This anime explains coherently where we are. Angry people with programing questions go get some coffee, losers.


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21 Jul 2017, 2:39 am

ShadowProphet wrote:
Let's face it, people get lonely, people get horny, people want companionship. If people werne't lonely, werne't horny, they woudn't have as much of an incentive to go out there and try dating out.


I don't think it works that way, at least not for me. But, sure, you have to be really crazy to do dating NT-style, so I guess I'm pretty happy it doesn't work that way for me.

As far as I can remember, falling in love with a girl never was connected to being lonely, horny or wanting companionship. The resulting persistent interest wasn't either. It always was like a game I was happy to play, and I never had any script or time-schedule for it.

ShadowProphet wrote:
A part of being a guy is having this intense sexual energy and this often drives us. We see a hot girl, we think damn she's so beautiful, I have to talk to her!


Absolutely not. It's the reverse for me. The more sexual a girl is, the less likely I'm to want to talk to her, or make contact. In fact, that brings out extreme shyness in me.

ShadowProphet wrote:
If a guy isn't lonely enough or horny enough, he isn't going to pursue the women he likes. And if you never pursue anyone, you're not going to have any luck in dating.


I only pursue girls that involve in eye contact exchange. If they don't participate in that, they are invisible to me, no matter how beautiful or sexy they appear.

ShadowProphet wrote:
So when people say you'll find a relationship when you're not looking, that statement is a load of bullsht if you're a guy. If you're a girl who's attractive enough, that statement is likely true. No wonder it's always women who say to wait, because they're women and they never had to pursue.


Very attractive girls typically have problems with too much interest from guys, and often from the wrong types too if they are NDs.



rdos
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21 Jul 2017, 2:46 am

Outrider wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
Outrider wrote:
NO, a relationship WONT make you happy!!

You need to learn to be happy on your own first.

If you aren't happy bring single than you won't be happy in a relationship and will bring all your problems with you into it and make it worse for her.

You need to stop putting women and relationships on a pedestal.

If you can't be happy single you aren't ready for a relationship and it will be a short, toxic and dependent relationship!

/Sarcasm


Im.happy that you've found true love.

Everything I said above is all of the typical dating advice I get all the time, and it couldbt be anymore wrong.

So....I should put women on a pedestal? 8O :?


DrWho22 metaphorically(?) said he thanks god every day for his girlfriend being in his life. Sounds like him putting his girlfriend on a pedestal because as we all know, only single creepy nice guys put women on a pedestal, and people on relationships don't depend on their partner for happiness whatsoever.

Serious question. Do you think if two people in love put each other on a pedestal. It could make for a healthy relationship?


Good point. I think putting somebody on a pedestal ( = being very fond of them) is not at all a problem. I'd find that pretty ok from a girl too. In fact, it is just a strange way of saying that liking somebody "too much" is a problem, which I don't think is the case. Dependence is not a problem either. It's typically about having a stronger connection than typical, which really cannot be a problem.

I think we just need to discard these claims by NTs as the falsehoods they are.



rdos
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21 Jul 2017, 3:01 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
No way. It's a relationship killer! One day, someone will get fed up. It'll take a long time for the unrequited love to then heal.


It's a strange view that people always get fed up. Does that mean you think people in committed relationships will always get fed up as well? Or do you think an actual commitment (which is only words) will change that?

For me, words don't change anything. It's mutual persistent interest that counts, regardless if there is a commitment or not. Part of that is liking somebody "too much". So, if you never dare to like somebody "too much", then you are not likely to get together with somebody in a serious way.



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21 Jul 2017, 6:42 am

rdos wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
No way. It's a relationship killer! One day, someone will get fed up. It'll take a long time for the unrequited love to then heal.


It's a strange view that people always get fed up. Does that mean you think people in committed relationships will always get fed up as well? Or do you think an actual commitment (which is only words) will change that?

For me, words don't change anything. It's mutual persistent interest that counts, regardless if there is a commitment or not. Part of that is liking somebody "too much". So, if you never dare to like somebody "too much", then you are not likely to get together with somebody in a serious way.

My view isn't that people always get fed up, but that people who lead meaningful lives will struggle to maintain them, the meaningful relationship and whatever else it was that drew the two people together if there are such high levels of codependency. The longest relationships I have seen are ones that are dysfunctional, because those people have learned to live with the worst qualities of a person and enjoy them nearly as much as the best ones. When you try to maintain this idea of perfection and avoid all the troubles, it'll backfire.

Being in a relationship shouldn't be the only thing that makes you happy, or something that makes you happy all the time. It's OK for a relationship to suck now and again. Also, it won't naturally make you happy. Any brief and shallow contentment of not being alone any more will eventually be overshadowed by the sense of commitment, inadequacy or insecurities if someone believes the relationship will make them happy and they must maintain it at all costs.


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AngelRho
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21 Jul 2017, 7:06 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
rdos wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
No way. It's a relationship killer! One day, someone will get fed up. It'll take a long time for the unrequited love to then heal.


It's a strange view that people always get fed up. Does that mean you think people in committed relationships will always get fed up as well? Or do you think an actual commitment (which is only words) will change that?

For me, words don't change anything. It's mutual persistent interest that counts, regardless if there is a commitment or not. Part of that is liking somebody "too much". So, if you never dare to like somebody "too much", then you are not likely to get together with somebody in a serious way.

My view isn't that people always get fed up, but that people who lead meaningful lives will struggle to maintain them, the meaningful relationship and whatever else it was that drew the two people together if there are such high levels of codependency. The longest relationships I have seen are ones that are dysfunctional, because those people have learned to live with the worst qualities of a person and enjoy them nearly as much as the best ones. When you try to maintain this idea of perfection and avoid all the troubles, it'll backfire.

Being in a relationship shouldn't be the only thing that makes you happy, or something that makes you happy all the time. It's OK for a relationship to suck now and again. Also, it won't naturally make you happy. Any brief and shallow contentment of not being alone any more will eventually be overshadowed by the sense of commitment, inadequacy or insecurities if someone believes the relationship will make them happy and they must maintain it at all costs.

In my relationship, we don't really have codependency. We could possibly stand alone.

The term "interdependency" is more accurate for us. While we don't technically NEED each other, we've reached a state of synergy and symbiosis, whereas codependencies tend to be mutually parasitic.

All relationships will have a degree of dysfunction, yes. That's only because nobody is perfect, and there's no such thing as two people who are perfect for each other. It's more a question of whether a pairing is mutually beneficial.

Nothing wrong with a sense of commitment, either. It's whether you want to commit. I don't look at other attractive women because I only want to be with my wife. Sure, dating had its fun. But what we have now is better. We've been together nearly 20 years, and nothing has really changed. We see no need for anything to change. We've really enjoyed it.



TheSpectrum
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21 Jul 2017, 7:10 am

Great :)
(Sorry, short response I know.)


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AngelRho
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21 Jul 2017, 7:24 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
Great :)
(Sorry, short response I know.)

Brief is always best. I'm just a motormouth when it comes to topics I'm passionate about. :lol:



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21 Jul 2017, 7:43 am

drwho222 wrote:
cberg wrote:
I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.


Oh the greenhouse effect is very real. But WANTING the world to end? That's nuts.


Ok so I don't really want the world to end but we allow the Earth to fall victim to a runaway greenhouse effect because we listened to "research" funded by oil companies than we will get precisely what we deserve.


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BuyerBeware
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21 Jul 2017, 8:47 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
BuyerBeware wrote:
Not true. I've had to do quite a lot of the pursuing both in friendships and relationships.

The only guys who have pursued me, other than my husband within the bounds of marriage, were either desperately downtrodden and looking for someone to fall on, f**k, and forget, just looking to f**k, or controlling creepy psychopaths who didn't even want to know ME but still wanted ownership of the cute skinny girl (not so cute and skinny after 4 kids, so I guess they would have been disappointed if they'd managed to cage me) to prop up their self-esteem.

Every relationship and friendship I have had has required me to do at least half of the pursuing/initiating to get off the ground and maintain.

In other words....the buyer must beware :jocolor:


Of me?? ALWAYS mwahahahaha... Hence the name.

Of course, anyone who honestly believes a meat popsicle isn't going to melt and run and puddle with time probably deserves what they get down the road... :twisted:


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21 Jul 2017, 1:25 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
drwho222 wrote:
cberg wrote:
I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.


Oh the greenhouse effect is very real. But WANTING the world to end? That's nuts.


I think he was being facetious.


That and frustrated. Not all of us are fortunate as you drwho222.


I hear you. And up to the time when I met my GF I was the same way.



RetroGamer87
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21 Jul 2017, 7:43 pm

drwho222 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
drwho222 wrote:
cberg wrote:
I've been saying for quite a while now that greenhouse effect deniers are like the dept. of Homeland Security for the Martian atmosphere.


Oh the greenhouse effect is very real. But WANTING the world to end? That's nuts.


I think he was being facetious.


That and frustrated. Not all of us are fortunate as you drwho222.


I hear you. And up to the time when I met my GF I was the same way.


I'll probably calm down when I get another GF and I'll probably calm up when I get dumped again. Same as the last few times.


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23 Jul 2017, 1:55 am

I would want one because we could look out for each other. I would want someone who I could relate to and be able to share each other's personal experiences. When I hear about someone's problems it sometimes causes me to be physically attracted to them.

I also crave physical affection.



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23 Jul 2017, 7:03 am

Raleigh wrote:
Loneliness has been shown to reduce life expectancy as much as smoking.
If you're lonely and you smoke you're extra screwed, I guess.
What if you're lonely and you smoke and you're overweight?


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RetroGamer87
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23 Jul 2017, 7:07 am

My concern is that I probably will find a partner one day but it will take so long that more than half of my lifetime will have already elapsed. e.g I meet my partner at 50 and then live to be 80.


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