"Just be friendly."

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I'm new but will dip my toe in a bit here and prob end up on the chopping block, but oh well..I have been looking at Markins prior posts and they are repetitive and relentlessly negative. He will get the same advice repeatedly but refute good suggestions with more negativity. It's a downward spiral that leads to no place good. At some point, one has to decide to take their life actively in their hands and change. If they don't, they need to stop complaining. And this is not coming from someone who hasn't been there before.

There will continue to be a need for library workers.

There will continue to be a need for archivists. And people who "repair" books." And staff to maintain the computers. And to assist students in their inquiries.

Many people still happen to like to read physical books. Even after 20-or-so-years of computers in libraries, there still exist many physical books. There is no large-scaling "purging" of books going on.

I work at a college library. The vast majority of students still must take out physical books in the pursuit of their studies.

There are some online books----but, really, not all that many textbooks are online.

Marknis is entitled to express his issues till the cows come home.

Marknis has already had threads shut down due to members ( you know who you are ) complaining about spamming the forum with similar posts.

And for the threads that don't get reported members complain that he is repetitive.


The members who are complaining are the one with a problem imo as you clearly have nothing better to do than follow threads that you find "repetitive and relentlessly negative" with some sort of deluded attitude that you can get inside Marknis head and know what would work for him.

Go and find a different thread with positivity if you cant handle the OP's outlook , I don't see how complaining about the OP's outlook is going to change anything.

I'm all for offering advice but belittling comments just prove to me that you don't really give a s**t.

I made observations, not an indictment. I did not swear.
There is a difference being being honest and being hostile, and you are being hostile (I will speak only for myself) for no reason. I've never come across a moderator who feels the need to curse at ppl as much as you.

I'm British , I'm common , I swear - it's not personal.

Maybe it would be hard to attract “a lot” of women, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to attract any. I know a person who has physical and mental disabilities and can’t work because of them. He also was hugely obese had weight loss surgery and now has lots of hanging skin because of it, and he is in a relationship. This is anecdotal, of course, but time and again I see people with lots of stuff going against them who are in relationships.

I think the key, Marknis (and everyone), is to gradually work on areas that you can improve in. No harm could come from that, anyway.

When I couldn’t get a relationship, I shifted my focus to other things which really helped me, personally. Perhaps taking a class or joining a group around an interest you enjoy would be fun, and it would have the added benefit of allowing you to develop more social skills. This is just an example. Working on any positive changes would probably be really good for you. Hyperfocusing on negativity just holds people back, in my experience, so it’s really important to find ways to dig yourself out of that mindset.

I’m not sure if I’m missing the point of threads like this one. Maybe it’s more about wanting to rant than receive constructive advice. There’s nothing wrong with a good rant every now and then, but if you want to feel happier in the long run, you probably need to try to shift the focus elsewhere.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 07 Jun 2019, 9:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think that that gets lost in translation sometimes.

The problem I have as someone who wants to make this forum a safer place for all is that members appear to be pulling their hair out and resorting to belittling statements. Members claim they have been giving the same 'correct' advice for 3 years and have a problem because they are not being listened too - these members need to jog on and get on with their lives ( other threads ) , their advice is not wanted and is only causing the OP stress due to the OP's state of mind.

[MOD]
If after reading the above statement you disagree - you need to reevaluate what you want this forum to be.

This is not a debate , members do not make up the rules. If I think you are belittling - you are belittling , if I think you are harassing - you are harassing.

I have already been accused of protecting trump supporters due to members not knowing the difference between attacking an ideology and attacking a member.

What will I get accused of now
[MOD]

I agree with your statement, Ferris.
I read most of Marknis' posts. I rarely comment because I don't feel I have much to add. If I didn't like them then I'd use the time better... I'd watch one of my Thunderbirds DVDs and have a cup of tea and a kitkat.
I keep reading them because I rather hope he'll shock us all by inviting us to his wedding. If not, then we'll all keep calm and carry on.

That reminds me of the die-hard Chicago Cubs fans. They kept paying good money for 71 years to sit in the stands and cheer the Cubs on because they wanted to be there when the Cubs won a World Series, which finally happened in 2016.

Yeah, I'd also like to see him post pics with him and his girlfriend/fiancée/bride/wife one of these days.

Rather than being "toxic" I'm stating the facts. I made the mistake of trying help him three years ago and all I got was 10 pages of abuse.

yeah , maybe toxic was a bit strong but my question still stands

Please explain to me your thinking in adding "( I've read his whining )" to your post , what purpose do you think it served apart from belittling the OP.

You're certainly not alone. Many of us have experienced the same thing. Many others will likely experience it for themselves, as well. Thus, it's probably best to just sit back and leave any direct 'counseling' to the professionals.

Well if you take that he is not motivated in any way to help himself then his posts on WP reflect a mix of expressing his self-loathing and wanting attention so that he receives self-affirmation about how he feels. He gets angry about anyone providing constructive feedback or attempts to assist because he is never been in a state of mind to act (not motivatated) and so he lashes out. That's why the therapist telling him to smile at girls/be friendly is going to go down like a lead balloon because he doesn't want to be friendly (and frankly the therapist's advice was pretty poor).

So I think his constant self-loathing is a form of whining and he should know it's getting irritating for those of us like Fnord and Kraftie who have read this stuff for years

True

I think we should keep in mind that we don’t know everything that the therapist has said since we aren’t listening in on their sessions. We are just hearing bits and pieces secondhand.

I do think that going to therapy could be a proactive step in the right direction.