Anyone terrified of being alone for the rest of their life?

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I noticed you have a very small tail. ^

I agree with the notion that relationships are a burden and being alone is freedom. I pretty much enjoy focusing on myself only and do whatever the hell I want to do without anybody nagging me, which would happen in a relationship, a part from fights I have witnessed from partners around me, and for stupid things and don't see the attractiveness in that.

My main motivation in dating used to be the fear of being alone. I was in a pattern of obsessing over one girl after another until I met someone who’d never had a boyfriend and apparently had similar issues. Not unpredictably the relationship turned toxic. My first clue should have been how easy it was to cheat on her after the first couple of years. But as I was halfway into college I figured it was too late to start over. All it took was getting attention from one girl I’d met at a summer camp years earlier to think maybe there was hope for me yet. So about a month and a half before we were supposed to get married, I broke up with her.

I ended up impregnating one of the would-be bridesmaids a few times. It’s been a good life.

In between I went out with a few girls, a couple of dates that went nowhere to a short-lived fling with an engaged redhead to a relationship that lasted a little over a year (college freshman while I was getting my master’s). I don’t care how old you are, it’s never really over. My high school sweetheart toxicity problem was resolved when it dawned on me that choosing a life with her versus a life alone just wasn’t worth it. Even if I hadn’t dated after her or married someone else, I STILL wouldn’t regret leaving her. If it happens that you never find “the one,” give yourself enough credit considering how many bullets you’ve dodged. It’s entirely, logically possible you are much better off single.

my dad had somebody to take care of him until he passed. i will have no such luxury.

Yes, I know people in the comments are saying all you need is friends, but what if you don't even have that? I have no friends I can speak of, but at the same time I don't have the energy to keep up relationships, I get exhausted always trying to please the other person always being friendly, when all I want to do is lock myself in my room and be left alone. Then I get lonely, its just a viscous cycle that repeats itself over and over again. With this whole virus going on I noticed a lot of people aren't as nice as they use to be, that makes me want to avoid people even more now.

Covid was a good and viable excuse to avoid others . Made wanting to be by yourself quite politically correct