Might autistic women not be the best match for autistic men?

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I think the problem is more about categorizing people. Autistics are more likely to be asexual than the general population (although it’s still not the majority), but tastes, preferences, and feelings run the gamut. When you’ve been with one (autistic) woman or a couple, you’ve been with one (autistic) woman or a couple. We’re human like anyone else.

Sometimes I see almost a fetishization regarding autistic women here and elsewhere which is concerning considering the high rate of sexual victimization that autistics (and autistic women in particular) experience.

We are all unique individuals. Neurodiversity doesn’t necessarily inform our sexuality. Our preferences and experiences are as complex and varied as other groups of people. Some are asexual. Some desire sex in a romantic relationship. Some are sexual but aromantic, and there’s everything in-between. Preferences aren’t necessarily static either. Describing human sexuality in general terms is a daunting, if not impossible, task. Describing autistic female sexuality is no exception.

Generalizations are an easy way to categorize people, but they are often insufficient if not misleading or downright inaccurate.

I started this thread in response to some male participants who seemed to think that the answer to their lack of a love life was to find an autistic partner. I simply wanted to say that might not actually be as effective a strategy as they hoped.

The thread died some time ago, but then somebody (not me) resurrected it. It should have stayed dead.

I'm not trying to hate on you Max. I've seen those threads by lonely men too. Lots of women have responded to those threads but no matter what we say we're told that we're wrong. If we say we like autistic men they don't believe us. If we say it doesn't matter and we choose by overall compatibility they say we only like men with money and six packs (because a man on YouTube said so). If we had the audacity to say no, we don't prefer autistic men (which we don't say), we'd be called misandrists. It's kind of a lose-lose topic because nothing we say to lonely autistic men makes a difference, even when we go out of our way to try to validate and appreciate their emotions.

Yes lots of autistic women might be queer but the same goes with autistic men. I still don't see threads called "Might autistic men not be the best match for autistic women?", intending to show that autistic men might be gay or queer or very practical and robotic in bed.

I can hear the backlash now.

The last person to resurrect this thread was somebody who seemed to feel some animosity towards autistic women. Not sure if anybody noticed.

Yeah, I saw that.
That level of woman-bashing is so common on WP it doesn't even stand out anymore.

Did you happen to call him out for it?

I tend to think neurodiverse people in general are a good match for each other.

ND + ND > ND + NT in terms of relationships, I would say, in general.

It makes sense to be in a relationship with someone who is understanding of neurodiversity without having to explain it all or to constantly remind people of why you are like you are as an ND person.

I agree that in the past some people who claim to be women make accounts to spread hate about men. I say they "claim to be women" because really, we don't know anyone's sex or gender on here whether the poster says they're a man or a woman. There have been members attacking just about every demographic in our user base - homophobes, transphobes, racists, misogynists, misandrists, ableists, anti-religious people, etc. Some people even join claiming to be autistic and then spam the place with how awful it is to be autistic because we're likely mass murderers or we lack empathy. Then there's the sex trolls and groomers who want to exploit the user base for our vulnerability and naivete.

It's unbelievable how much crap gets peddled here, but the good thing is that our mods don't allow it to stay. Those members get banned because it's against the rules to attack groups of people for their identity.

I don't see anyone hating on men anymore. I used to call it out all the time to the extent that some women even accused me of being anti-feminist. Eye roll. Trust me, we've heard everything. If we call out misandry we're not real women, or we're likely gay, or we're being political. If we allow misandry (which we don't), then we hate all men which also means we aren't real women.

I do notice a steady influx of woman-bashing and woman-trolling here lately. I'm pretty sure warnings have been given but I'll give it a few more weeks to see if the trend continues.

I suspect that a lot of women have been driven away by the sex trolls, groomers, women have it easier crowd, and bullies over the years. A couple of the sex trolls engaged in overt and then covert bullying with me after I made it clear that I wasn’t interested until they were banned. Not all women would’ve been stubborn enough to stick around through all of that. Even I took at least one break because of it. I bet a lot of people wouldn’t have been comfortable enough to even report some of it.

Yeah. ^ At the time when I was reporting what happened to me I got in touch with a lot of former members. I forget the numbers of female victims they told me about, but it was staggering. If I remember correctly there were at least 30 women's names brought to my attention. They had all left because of unwanted sexual attention and/or grooming from male members. There were even death threats. Then there's your run-of-the-mill trolling like I experienced from that freak who followed me from site to site writing porn stories about me.

Meanwhile I put up with it for .... years (??) when it happened to me, because I knew a bunch of people would be butt-hurt and accuse me of hating all men or being in a conspiracy if I dared to report it.

That's exactly what some buffoons tried to do.