HopeGrows wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Excellent post!
I think that a lot of NT partners would be a lot less frustrated/confused if the could grasp the idea you've articulated.
It's like dating a quadriplegic and and then wondering why they can't go jogging with you.
We can discuss "substitutes" (artificial limbs, wheelchairs, etc) but the limbs themselves are never going to appear...
Again, confusing what is impossible and what is inconvenient is the self-limiting flaw in this line of thought.
Changing the physical structure of your brain isn't possible - an Aspie will always have a disability.
However, it is possible to change certain behaviors, thought patterns, knowledge levels, expectations, attitudes, and priorities.. From my perspective, the difference between Aspies in successful relationships and those who can't seem to make any relationship work is expectation (they know that relationships require compromise), effort, and honesty. IMO, Aspies would be a lot less frustrated and a lot more successful in relationships if they could grasp that.
Actually, neuroscience is not convinced that brain structure doesn't change. In fact, there is very good evidence that it does in children. Look, I would never go as far to say that brain structure could change in order to change autism. Also, evidence shows that the brain is pretty much intact by the age of 25. How intact may still be unknown.
Sorry if I'm derailing this thread.
As to the original question on marriage, my opinion is that there usually needs to be change BY BOTH PARTNERS, whether there is AS or not. Usually though, one partner needs to step up and initiate things. In these case, It may be the NT.
I have a AS friend who has been struggling with the relationship with his NT wife. I reminded him last week that he needs to be responsible also. He thanked me for reminding him of that. He said as someone with AS, it's not that he cannot be responsible; only that he forgets or gives up, or it's not the first reaction that comes to his mind. His wife is lucky that he has a few friends that he has opened up to. A lot of men with AS (and women too) don't have that.
04 Mar 2011, 12:49 pm
