Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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You're right. Maybe I should head on over to FB to see if somebody sent me more naked pictures.

That's definitely more fun.

Not always. Some guys should just go on ahead and buy a monster truck and get it over with.

I would just get a picanto.

Whats that?

A mini car

No, actually I would stick with a regular, average car if I were you. You don't need a monster truck but you can't get away with just hoofing it either.

Oh you're so mistaken, I do.

I've seen it, remember?

The pronoun "you" was plural. It was directed at all people accusing me of craziness, not one person. You (OliveOilMom) were actually nicer than a lot posters, and I respect that. That's the flaw of the English language, I guess. My apologies for the misunderstanding.

I'm so sorry you had to go through violence in a relationship. That's a rotten thing to experience. I'm glad you took action eventually and gave him what he deserved, and that you he's not allowed to contact you. Let's hope he was, or still is, in the general population ("gen pop", "GP", or "jeep" in prison slang), with guys stronger and tougher than he is.

By the way, in the mail order bride community, which I wouldn't touch with a 100-foot pole, there are even scams where the bride presses false abuse charges against her US husband, to get an automatic Green Card (otherwise, there is a long waiting period). Unscrupulous marriage agencies even teach that idea in countries like Russia, Thailand, etc.

I don't believe in "ups" or "downs" in a relationship. It's impossible to "accidentally" disrespect someone (i.e. the "down" part of it). Going off on them on occasion, after a nasty workday, is not disrespect; it's a side effect of stress. In which case, I'd encourage my wife to look for a new job. Heck, I'd even teach her how to use my state's system to get the most unemployment benefits if she gets fired. But disrespecting a person is always a willful act. So why in the world would I want to "work through things" with someone who thinks low of me? If I can't win back her respect, I'd rather walk out for good, get a restraining order, and make a better first impression on someone else.

^o.o>

Well, no you wouldn't want to be with someone who has a low opinion of you, but someone coming home from a stressful day at work probably wants a listening ear rather than someone telling them to get a new job... in this economy jobs don't grow on trees. And what if they respect themselves and other people enough not to play the benefit system? That's tax payers money. It's not a free bank acount for people who had a couple of bad days at work and don't feel like making their own living anymore.

She means they have tiny dicks.

funny because thats the opposite of what women expect of men. we have to like our job , shut up and don't complain, or quit and find a better one. I often say the whole jobs are few but am told to man up and find a better one.

also I see you fall in the whole benefit people are thieves good to know.

well thats why so many men have anxiety about their penis, then women get mad that we do, but they the ones who caused it. so its a infinite loop.

There is more to ups and downs in a relationship than just snapping at someone because of a bad day at work. I've been married to my husband for 28 years and we have had some serious issues at times and almost split up several times. People have baggage and their own issues that they bring into relationships, it's just part of who the person is. Over time you get to know what the other person's issues are, and the way they effect you. Sometimes it's not good and other times it's pretty bad. Most times though, if you are right for each other and love each other, you can work it out.

We have had some screaming fights over the years and a couple of times when he was going through that nervous breakdown after his dad died, he did try to put his hands on me but I put a stop to that right then. We have both said some really mean things to each other when mad at each other for something that had been building up or an ongoing issue. It happens. You apologize afterwards and you mean your apology. Just because he's said mean things to me and I've said them to him doesn't mean we don't respect each other.

In 28 years of marriage, you are going to go through something or other, whether it's one person cheating on the other, or one of them going a little crazy for a while, or just something. Stuff will start to annoy you that didn't before, and there are ups and downs in a relationship. It's not all unicorn farts and sparkly rainbows. There are times that you just don't even want to be around the other person for whatever reason, but that goes away too in time. Both of you go through things like that during relationships that are this long. It's all part of it. I wouldn't trade him for anybody else in the world though, not even Russell Brand or Johnny Depp lol. I seriously wouldn't, and I honestly couldn't seriously imagine being married to anybody else, I wouldn't want to be. I love him, even with the flaws he has that drive me f*****g insane at times and some of the stupid s**t he does at times. He feels the same way about me even with my flaws and my crazy s**t too. You take the bad with the good, and there will always be bad to varying degrees at some time or other.

Also, people change over time during relationships. What was cute and charming during the first few years can drive you insane later, and something that drove you crazy about them at first can end up becoming an endearing trait. Also, some things you just get used to and work around because it's what you do. Everybody has their own line that the other one shouldn't cross, and it's different for different people. You don't sound like you would be ok with having screaming arguments and fights that do everything except come to blows, but those things don't bother me or him and they don't mean anything to either of us. There are other things he knows NEVER to do to me and I know NEVER to do to him and those are different for each of us, and we don't cross those lines because we love each other. We are suited to each other this way. We also have different strengths that make up for the other's weaknesses, so we are good together. All those are part of the ups and downs of a relationship. Those are the things that cause the problems in one, and those problems are things you work on and fix because you love each other.

The only way you can have a relationship that doesn't have ups and downs is to keep it on a superficial and shallow level and never speak your mind. My husbands parents were like that. They taught him to be like that. He wouldn't say s**t if he had a mouthfull because in his family you didn't discuss anything that wasn't pleasant. That caused him a lot of trouble in life and a lot of emotional crap, and it frustrates the hell out of me at times that I have to pick things out of him to find out how he's feeling or he waits until he's ready to explode before he says anything, but he's gotten better over the years and I've gotten more patient. His mother flat out told me that she didn't expect deep love or romance in a marriage, she expected someone who got along with her and worked to build the life they both wanted. Thats what they had and how they raised their kids. He wanted deep love and feelings, he's told me he does and not just some shallow s**t like "Leave it to Beaver", and thats what we have. Emotions go both ways and just because you love and respect somebody doesn't mean that when they get on your last nerve or when they pulled some stupid s**t that you may not just tell them to go f**k themselves because you are going to be busy for the next few days fixing their f**kup. But you fix it, and then you try and helf fix the problems that caused it. It happens. I know you say that you don't think you would be ever respected by a wife that told you to kiss her ass, but I wouldn't ever respect a husband who couldn't just let that go and realize that just because I told him to kiss my ass doesn't mean that I don't love and respect him. I expect my husband to be man enough to not be seriously hurt or damaged by something that pisses him off, the same as I'm woman enough not to be. I respect him and I respect his strengths at the same time that I'm doing everything in my power to protect his weak spots. Do you see what I'm saying?

You say that a woman won't respect a beta guy or whatever, but every guy his weak spots. I'm a ballsy gal and stronger emotionally than many men out there, and a lot tougher than plenty of alpha guys, and I'm perfectly fine with the fact that my husband has his weaknesses, and many of them aren't the weaknesses that you would expect a traditional alpha guy to have, some of them would be laughed at, but everybody has something whether they admit to it or not. I would never laugh at some of his weaknesses like that, ever. They aren't his fault, he is aware of them and where he's weak, I'm strong and he knows to let me handle those things for him, which I do because I love him. He never lost my respect because of weaknesses that he has, he actually earned more of it by admitting them to me and allowing me to protect him when he's vulnerable about something. Thats what makes us equals. Sure, we have what looks like a traditional marriage here. He works and does the heavy lifting and I stay home and take care of the house and kids. He brings home the bacon and I cook, serve it, and clean up afterwards. But that is just the tip of the iceberg and it's only what you see. You don't see the emotional s**t that is just between us. You don't see me being the one that handles and thinks about and deals with certain things that would be traditionally his domain, not because he just can't be bothered to do it, but because he can't and he knows he can't and there are reasons behind it that would take the entire internet bandwith to explain.

TLDR: There is always s**t. You will step in it eventually. You clean it off and go on with your lives and learn to step around it because you love them.

You are stronger than you think you are and where you are weak, then it's a wonderful thing to have somebody else who you can depend on to have your back when you need them to. If you can't let her have your back at times, then you don't have anything worth preserving with her.