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How can I tell my girlfriend she is fat?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Nov 2017, 10:57 pm

Claradoon wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Claradoon wrote:
Back when I was young and pretty and slender, a hockey superstar humiliated me in public. He had the whole Forum looking at me, thinking it was funny that he had caught me ogling him, and he was ogling back big-time, and I had nowhere to hide. It went on till I thought I would die.

I woke in the middle of that night shovelling a huge bowl of freshly-made spaghetti into my mouth. Spaghetti that I must have cooked in my sleep, because I didn't wake till it was half eaten.

I gained 50 pounds and gained some peace.

OP should consider whether there might be a layer of rage under that fat. It's communication time, y'all. Maybe this is her way of breaking up. None of you have suggested that he ask if everything is okay with her.


How old were you?

That was then a very bad habit of yours then for anger/sadness management; it’s as if you are cutting yourself.
Would it be ok if your man breaks his stuff everytime he gets upset/angry? or if he drinks tons of alcohol every time something sad happens to him?

Come on, adults should have some self control....

My ex used to do the same thing before we broke up. She gained weight to get revenge on me. She valued revenge more than she valued her own health.


I was 20ish, I think. I'm not the only one that turns to "comfort food." But weight gain can be a sign of needing comfort food, which is why I think communication might be better than threats.

As for my own incident, that was once and it lasted a lifetime. I cut all the ties and possibilities re dating immediately. I went incommunicado. I threw myself into a successful career and lost the weight once it was safe.

Back to OP's gf, she dates, so there is interest. She's gaining weight, so there is over-eating. Something might be off in the relationship. OP might have better success seeking out why.

Come to think of it, over all those years, every woman I knew that fell in love lost weight. And got gorgeous hair - how is OP's gf's hair? Nails -chipped? Is she falling apart? Any behavioural changes?



Seriously now, there are plenty of people who gain weight during relationship - it doesn’t necessary mean there’s a spouse abuse.



WallflowerAsparagus
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28 Nov 2017, 1:21 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!



Indeed! Of course, he is still single because he treats women poorly - like an object that he obtained.


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WallflowerAsparagus
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28 Nov 2017, 1:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!


He probably wanted her dead.


Nope, just wanted to see how much selfish control he could have over a woman.

He tried to control every aspect of my life for years, which was extremely cruel and psychologically damaging on top of my own issues already.

He had unrealistic expectations. Didn't understand that women in magazines are all photoshopped and that they do have fat on their thighs, butt and hips. :roll:

He's still single, still morbidly obese and is still unintelligent. I won. :D


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Sabreclaw
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28 Nov 2017, 3:38 am

WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!



Indeed! Of course, he is still single because he treats women poorly - like an object that he obtained.


You'd be surprised how many men treat women like objects yet have absolutely no trouble with them. It's much more typical in less-educated groups of people.

I'm not so sure 50kg is seriously underweight for 5'5". It's definitely on the borders of unhealthy though. Ideally you'd have some muscle mass which you're not going to have at 50kg.



WallflowerAsparagus
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28 Nov 2017, 4:33 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!



Indeed! Of course, he is still single because he treats women poorly - like an object that he obtained.


You'd be surprised how many men treat women like objects yet have absolutely no trouble with them. It's much more typical in less-educated groups of people.

I'm not so sure 50kg is seriously underweight for 5'5". It's definitely on the borders of unhealthy though. Ideally you'd have some muscle mass which you're not going to have at 50kg.


Indeed it is typical. I feel sorry for women who go through it, not realising how poorly treated they are, or they think it's just expected / deserved.
50kg is when I put on weight when I was eating more than less than minimal (despite his abuse to have complete control over my food intake.) and I was finally within a healthy range of weight. I'm probably a bit taller than that now, about 170cm. When I look back and see pictures, my face was gaunt, eyes bulging and my body was frail looking.


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Claradoon
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28 Nov 2017, 6:56 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope Claradoon isn't upset at me....

If I upset you, Claradoon, please forgive me.

I'm not upset - I was just thinking you always say just the right thing. :) :heart:



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Nov 2017, 7:14 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!



Indeed! Of course, he is still single because he treats women poorly - like an object that he obtained.


You'd be surprised how many men treat women like objects yet have absolutely no trouble with them. It's much more typical in less-educated groups of people.

I'm not so sure 50kg is seriously underweight for 5'5". It's definitely on the borders of unhealthy though. Ideally you'd have some muscle mass which you're not going to have at 50kg.



45 kg is underweight for 5'5 is really underweight, note that such illustrations don't show the bones.

http://bmijs.is.tuebingen.mpg.de/body_m ... culate+BMI


Image
Image



kraftiekortie
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28 Nov 2017, 10:36 am

45 kg is 99 lbs.....very underweight for 5 foot 5.



Claradoon
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28 Nov 2017, 6:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ It makes a difference if she realizes that, at some point (weight), she will become sexually repulsive to him. She may be thinking that "He will always desire me sexually no matter how obese I get" and this is delusional and she may keep overeating indefinitely thinking that she has nothing to lose. Remember, they are still young, so they are at their prime libido sexually.


Thank you for that reminder. It's many eons since I've been asked to recall that the young mate like demented rabbits.

But you are mistaken - boys peak at 17; women peak at 35. I've lived it and remember it quite well, thank you.



RetroGamer87
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28 Nov 2017, 11:48 pm

WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!



Indeed! Of course, he is still single because he treats women poorly - like an object that he obtained.


You'd be surprised how many men treat women like objects yet have absolutely no trouble with them. It's much more typical in less-educated groups of people.

I'm not so sure 50kg is seriously underweight for 5'5". It's definitely on the borders of unhealthy though. Ideally you'd have some muscle mass which you're not going to have at 50kg.


Indeed it is typical. I feel sorry for women who go through it, not realising how poorly treated they are, or they think it's just expected / deserved.
50kg is when I put on weight when I was eating more than less than minimal (despite his abuse to have complete control over my food intake.) and I was finally within a healthy range of weight. I'm probably a bit taller than that now, about 170cm. When I look back and see pictures, my face was gaunt, eyes bulging and my body was frail looking.

He controlled your food intake? 8O That's awful :(

I hope you're doing ok now.


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WallflowerAsparagus
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29 Nov 2017, 4:31 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WallflowerAsparagus wrote:
Thing is, how much do you think she weighs? How big is she? I agree with others, setting a good example will help, talking about your interest in getting healthy etc. She may come clean and say she is not interested in being healthy or slimming down.

I only ask how much she roughly weighs because my ex told me I was fat, no longer physically attractive and I was only 49-50kg (I am 5 ft 5 and very petitie) I was extremely underweight....he wanted me back down to 45kg (dangerously underweight) while he was huge and morbidly obese at 150kg. He isolated me from anyone else who could tell me that I was underweight and needed help. I am healthier now.

Personal things aside, when someone says that someome is getting fat, I'm interested to know what size they consider to be fat because a lot of people have a different view of what it looks like.

What? He's crazy to call you fat! 50 kg is really thin!!



Indeed! Of course, he is still single because he treats women poorly - like an object that he obtained.


You'd be surprised how many men treat women like objects yet have absolutely no trouble with them. It's much more typical in less-educated groups of people.

I'm not so sure 50kg is seriously underweight for 5'5". It's definitely on the borders of unhealthy though. Ideally you'd have some muscle mass which you're not going to have at 50kg.


Indeed it is typical. I feel sorry for women who go through it, not realising how poorly treated they are, or they think it's just expected / deserved.
50kg is when I put on weight when I was eating more than less than minimal (despite his abuse to have complete control over my food intake.) and I was finally within a healthy range of weight. I'm probably a bit taller than that now, about 170cm. When I look back and see pictures, my face was gaunt, eyes bulging and my body was frail looking.

He controlled your food intake? 8O That's awful :(

I hope you're doing ok now.


Yes, he controlled everything. I basically couldn't leave the house without him accusing me of sleeping with another man... and I didn't even know any men or have any friends etc. Nutcase.

Yes, I am healthier and getting support for my conditions. He didn't want me to even get help for my anxiety or anything. I have a wonderful supportive partner now and we are looking forward to living together. :heart:
Looking toward the future :)


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2017, 7:54 am

^ How long did you stay with him?



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2017, 7:59 am

Claradoon wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ It makes a difference if she realizes that, at some point (weight), she will become sexually repulsive to him. She may be thinking that "He will always desire me sexually no matter how obese I get" and this is delusional and she may keep overeating indefinitely thinking that she has nothing to lose. Remember, they are still young, so they are at their prime libido sexually.


Thank you for that reminder. It's many eons since I've been asked to recall that the young mate like demented rabbits.

But you are mistaken - boys peak at 17; women peak at 35. I've lived it and remember it quite well, thank you.


This is scientifically false. Update your knowledge.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/2016/0 ... _21383979/



WallflowerAsparagus
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29 Nov 2017, 8:59 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ How long did you stay with him?


Almost four years. I was 19 and very vulnerable to start with. Just what he preys on.

I cannot explain in short how selfish, ungrateful and abusive he was. I hope no other young woman has to endure such garbage.

Life is so much better now.
Leaving him was like being a battery hen being rescued - It was overwhelming how much freedom I gained and progress and understanding I have now been able to make with my health.


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Claradoon
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29 Nov 2017, 9:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Claradoon wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ It makes a difference if she realizes that, at some point (weight), she will become sexually repulsive to him. She may be thinking that "He will always desire me sexually no matter how obese I get" and this is delusional and she may keep overeating indefinitely thinking that she has nothing to lose. Remember, they are still young, so they are at their prime libido sexually.


Thank you for that reminder. It's many eons since I've been asked to recall that the young mate like demented rabbits.

But you are mistaken - boys peak at 17; women peak at 35. I've lived it and remember it quite well, thank you.


This is scientifically false. Update your knowledge.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/2016/0 ... _21383979/


This reports changes in the rates of reported STDs.
"Reported STDs" does not reflect "peak of desire."



kraftiekortie
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29 Nov 2017, 10:05 am

There are times when I feel like I'm at my "sexual peak" right now! Screw the statistics!

When a man becomes possessive like Asparagus's man did, run for the hills!

It might have been natural during prehistoric times---but it's not "natural" in a civilized society. Trust me....in prehistoric times, women had answers to that----sometimes involving a good kick in the nether regions.