Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

My gf seems to be bothered that I am 'white and privileged'.

Page 13 of 35 [ 556 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 ... 35  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

25 Feb 2022, 2:06 am

ironpony wrote:
But they are truckdrivers. How are people with blue collar truck driving jobs, who have to unload in the freezing cold winter, privileged? And the driver's are protesting against not only the vaccine mandate but other crappy working conditions made by their companies as well. Makes me wonder why she sets the bar for what counts as privileged, so low...


Continue to politely pose these questions to her, relationships require talking through things in the open rather than let them fester away.

But in the short term, can't you just agree to disagree?



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 2:23 am

I can do that. I can agree to disagree if she can.



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

25 Feb 2022, 3:00 am

ironpony wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I cannot remember the exact first time or a lot of the past instances, but usually it happens when I laught at certain jokes on TV or something. There was a funny gag in a movie, that had to with a certain culture that caused the last time she brought it up recently, in which it got a lot more heated than usual, which got me concerned.


Solution:
Never laugh again...at *anything./k*...*ever again*! :mrgreen:

Interesting thread I wasn't going to get involved with, initially.
magz's comment made me change that. lol

Is this the same gorgeous woman, many years younger than you, that you have been talking about for quite a while?
Is she the woman who wasn't adventurous enough for you in the bedroom, at one point? :scratch:


Yeah it's her. She has gotten a lot better in the bedroom though for a while now though.


Kudos. :thumright:
Would it be reasonable to say it was your sexual prowess that had something to do with her change of attitude?
If so, are you interested in having a coffee with me some time? :heart: :mrgreen:


Perhaps. In what way though likely? I didn't think anything changed on my end.

I'm also trying to understand her perspective on this too. For example, she has a problem with white privileged people to a degree it seems, but she says she doesn't like the trucker convoy protesters, because they are white and privileged according to her.

But they are truckdrivers. How are people with blue collar truck driving jobs, who have to unload in the freezing cold winter, privileged? And the driver's are protesting against not only the vaccine mandate but other crappy working conditions made by their companies as well. Makes me wonder why she sets the bar for what counts as privileged, so low...


Within is the tried and true answer to relationship harmony that has been successfully used for millenia:
Show Spoiler
Yes dear. :mrgreen:



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 1:15 pm

Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I cannot remember the exact first time or a lot of the past instances, but usually it happens when I laught at certain jokes on TV or something. There was a funny gag in a movie, that had to with a certain culture that caused the last time she brought it up recently, in which it got a lot more heated than usual, which got me concerned.


Solution:
Never laugh again...at *anything./k*...*ever again*! :mrgreen:

Interesting thread I wasn't going to get involved with, initially.
magz's comment made me change that. lol

Is this the same gorgeous woman, many years younger than you, that you have been talking about for quite a while?
Is she the woman who wasn't adventurous enough for you in the bedroom, at one point? :scratch:


Yeah it's her. She has gotten a lot better in the bedroom though for a while now though.


Kudos. :thumright:
Would it be reasonable to say it was your sexual prowess that had something to do with her change of attitude?
If so, are you interested in having a coffee with me some time? :heart: :mrgreen:


Perhaps. In what way though likely? I didn't think anything changed on my end.

I'm also trying to understand her perspective on this too. For example, she has a problem with white privileged people to a degree it seems, but she says she doesn't like the trucker convoy protesters, because they are white and privileged according to her.

But they are truckdrivers. How are people with blue collar truck driving jobs, who have to unload in the freezing cold winter, privileged? And the driver's are protesting against not only the vaccine mandate but other crappy working conditions made by their companies as well. Makes me wonder why she sets the bar for what counts as privileged, so low...


Within is the tried and true answer to relationship harmony that has been successfully used for millenia:
Show Spoiler
Yes dear. :mrgreen:


Well thing I don't understand is, she seems to be of the social justice type and she even said she was, but when it comes to these types of people, they think they can change the world, when really they are just trying to defuse bombs that have already gone off. But when I try to explain this to her she is just aghast. The idea that she wasn't able to stop a bomb from going off is such a blow to the ego, when it comes to this type of person, and they cannot accept it, and that is what I don't understand. It's okay to be powerless and not to be God, but hard for certain people to understand that.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,533
Location: Right over your left shoulder

25 Feb 2022, 1:22 pm

Should someone consign themselves to the idea that nothing can be improved when they know things can, so long as appropriate efforts are made?


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 1:29 pm

Well I think if she wants things improved to the degree that she wants she would have to become a Che Guevara type, really make dirty moral decisions and get her hands dirty, and perhaps have to sacrifice her own life in the name of the cause. But since she is not going to do that, why pretend that nothing less is going to make any change. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, but when I point this out, she can't handle it.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,533
Location: Right over your left shoulder

25 Feb 2022, 1:37 pm

I'm not sure one has to pick between becoming a guerrilla leader and not expressing any criticisms of the status quo whatsoever.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 1:39 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
I'm not sure one has to pick between becoming a guerrilla leader and not expressing any criticisms of the status quo whatsoever.


It's okay to express criticisms, but I feel she is putting responsibility on me because I am white. She cannot just let the criticisms be criticisms and leave it at that it seems.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,533
Location: Right over your left shoulder

25 Feb 2022, 1:47 pm

ironpony wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I'm not sure one has to pick between becoming a guerrilla leader and not expressing any criticisms of the status quo whatsoever.


It's okay to express criticisms, but I feel she is putting responsibility on me because I am white. She cannot just let the criticisms be criticisms and leave it at that it seems.


If the criticism involves you have blindspots because you've never had to consider it like this it's not wrong for her to frame it in that way.

Is she actually wrong, or is it just uncomfortable to hear? If she's not wrong it might be easier to consider where she's coming from instead of seeking comfort mostly from people with the same blindspots to avoid feeling uncomfortable.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 1:54 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
ironpony wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I'm not sure one has to pick between becoming a guerrilla leader and not expressing any criticisms of the status quo whatsoever.


It's okay to express criticisms, but I feel she is putting responsibility on me because I am white. She cannot just let the criticisms be criticisms and leave it at that it seems.


If the criticism involves you have blindspots because you've never had to consider it like this it's not wrong for her to frame it in that way.

Is she actually wrong, or is it just uncomfortable to hear? If she's not wrong it might be easier to consider where she's coming from instead of seeking comfort mostly from people with the same blindspots to avoid feeling uncomfortable.


It's not uncomfortable hear, it's just I have heard it all before. This is all nothing new, but she acts like it's a big revelation, and the fact that she cannot do anything about it, is uncomfortable to her more than me. It seems to bother her more, than me, as she is being caused conflict over this in the relationship compared to me.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

25 Feb 2022, 2:05 pm

ironpony wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
ironpony wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I'm not sure one has to pick between becoming a guerrilla leader and not expressing any criticisms of the status quo whatsoever.


It's okay to express criticisms, but I feel she is putting responsibility on me because I am white. She cannot just let the criticisms be criticisms and leave it at that it seems.


If the criticism involves you have blindspots because you've never had to consider it like this it's not wrong for her to frame it in that way.

Is she actually wrong, or is it just uncomfortable to hear? If she's not wrong it might be easier to consider where she's coming from instead of seeking comfort mostly from people with the same blindspots to avoid feeling uncomfortable.


It's not uncomfortable hear, it's just I have heard it all before. This is all nothing new, but she acts like it's a big revelation, and the fact that she cannot do anything about it, is uncomfortable to her more than me. It seems to bother her more, than me, as she is being caused conflict over this in the relationship compared to me.

I think the whole white privilege thing is trash. It’s a sort of fad. But I do agree that being aware of history and how people ACTUALLY continue to be racially insensitive is important. I’m not going to make racist jokes. But I’m also not going to go out of my way to acknowledge a non-existent privilege or racism on my part. I don’t believe everything people say is privilege or racism really is.



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 2:24 pm

Oh okay, that's interesting. And I do want to be open minded for sure, but I feel that my gf can be contradictory in her beliefs though, which makes it confusing for me. For example, she said she felt that the truckers in the trucker convoy are protesting the vaccine because they are white and privileged. But they are truckdrivers, which is hardly a privileged job.

And she talks about how if the truckers were non-white the government would have went in and slaughtered them all. But I feel that's ridiculous that the government would commit mass murder of protestors on media camera, just if they are non-white. But also, she relies on the government to help these racial problems in society, and wants the government to do this and that, etc. But this also seems contradictory, because why would she believe in relying on a government to help with racial problems, if that same government would commit mass murder against a whole group of non-white protestors the first chance they got?

I am just trying to see her points, but they have contradictions for me.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

25 Feb 2022, 5:34 pm

ironpony wrote:
This is all nothing new, but she acts like it's a big revelation, and the fact that she cannot do anything about it, i


That's because she's a young person ironpony :lol:

Nothing in life is eventually free, If you date somebody this young then you realise they are still trying to establish their identity and it sounds like she is still feeling her way. That's one price you pay to have a young hottie.

Among students I tutor in the 17-21 year age group they are completely caught up in idealism. It can be cute to listen to but for an older person you need to have a really thick skin and very high tolerance to listen to them 24hrs a day.



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 5:38 pm

But when I was that young, not even I had such idealism, nor people I know at that age I don't think. Unless I am wrong, and just not remembering?



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

25 Feb 2022, 5:41 pm

ironpony wrote:
But when I was that young, not even I had such idealism, nor people I know at that age I don't think. Unless I am wrong, and just not remembering?


You'd be surprised, I certainly would not recognise the younger me if I met my 25 year old self.

I'm not saying you would be a "dewy eyed" idealist, your social environment would perhaps have prevented that, but you would have been more open to ideas.

Everyone goes through that phase. It sounds like your g/f is feeling her way through now.



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

25 Feb 2022, 5:47 pm

Oh okay. Maybe it's a phase then. As long as she is okay with agreeing to disagree. She thinks of me is really cynical and negative though compared to her.