Why are women on dating sites such hippocrites

Page 13 of 14 [ 213 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

LVBen
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 7 Jan 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 257

22 Jan 2008, 4:03 am

juliekitty wrote:

LVBen wrote:

Not only would I still have my money, but I wouldn't be wasting my time on someone that wants to be with me for my money instead of someone that actually enjoys my company.

As I said, my last boyfriend didn't make much money. To be exclusive with him, I turned down opportunities to date guys who made more money than he did. If I cared about money more than a man's company, obviously I wouldn't have done that.

Sorry if that's inconvenient to your new theory about me.

Well, I do have a lot of money, but if a girl expects me to "win over" her with it, I would be grateful if she left to look for someone else!! !! There are plenty of self-sufficient women out there that I'd rather be on dates with, and then if our dates turn into a real relationship, then I'd gladly share everything with her.

LVBen
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 7 Jan 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 257

22 Jan 2008, 4:11 am

juliekitty wrote:

So, juliekitty, what were your first dates with this guy like?

pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,892
Location: the City of Palaces

22 Jan 2008, 7:58 am

juliekitty wrote:

Because I'm into what I've heard described as "protector/provider males".

So he has to provide for you, but does he get to call the shots? If a guy is, for example, always the one to pay for a meal (not just when it's her birthday of something), shouldn't he order for the girl as well? Women are perfectly capable of making a living in most parts of the world now - bills should either be split Dutch style, or in proportion to income, or take turns paying (sort of what my parents do - and they're an older generation from a Catholic culture) or whoever pays calls the shots. he has to win you over, but you don't have to win him over? No 'mutual attraction'? In my view, this 'winning over' sounds like there is little initial attraction.
You are expecting all the advantages of gender relations generations ago (when men had to be providers because there was little paid employment for women), and all the advantages of an egalitarian world .
Incidentally, there's research suggesting egalitarian relationships are more succesful - which may partly account for the high failure rate of marriages - the man-provides-and-calls-the-shots model had the virtue of being consistent and functional, the expectations of many modern women have none of those virtues, and aren't that realistic (they give men little incentive to committ).

_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)

El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)

I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).

juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,540

22 Jan 2008, 10:47 am

LVBen wrote:

So, juliekitty, what were your first dates with this guy like?

Dinner at his place, a video.

Normally I wouldn't go a guy's place on a first date, but he was a friend of a friend.

juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,540

22 Jan 2008, 10:59 am

pbcoll wrote:

So he has to provide for you, but does he get to call the shots?

Yep.

pbcoll wrote:

he has to win you over, but you don't have to win him over?

Nope.

pbcoll wrote:

No 'mutual attraction'? In my view, this 'winning over' sounds like there is little initial attraction.

Sometimes there isn't a lot to start with. If a guy has a great personality and treats me right, it can grow.

pbcoll wrote:

You are expecting all the advantages of gender relations generations ago (when men had to be providers because there was little paid employment for women), and all the advantages of an egalitarian world .

Can you show that I'm expecting those advantages, and cite which ones I'm expecting?

pbcoll wrote:

Incidentally, there's research suggesting egalitarian relationships are more succesful

Yes, I saw that.

pbcoll wrote:

- which may partly account for the high failure rate of marriages - the man-provides-and-calls-the-shots model had the virtue of being consistent and functional, the expectations of many modern women have none of those virtues, and aren't that realistic

Your comments here contradict the results of the research you're referring to. If egalitarian relationships are more successful, then how does that explain the high marriage failure rate, if you blame that failure rate on modern female expectations and the loss of the man-provides model?

Keep in mind, divorce has risen at least partly because it's gotten a lot easier and more socially acceptable.

pbcoll wrote:

(they give men little incentive to committ).

Ah, again you misunderstand where the onus lies.

It's men who need to give us incentive to commit.

LVBen
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 7 Jan 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 257

22 Jan 2008, 12:07 pm

juliekitty wrote:

LVBen wrote:

So, juliekitty, what were your first dates with this guy like?

Dinner at his place, a video.

Normally I wouldn't go a guy's place on a first date, but he was a friend of a friend.

Oooh. Very cheap! He knew what he was doing!

pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,892
Location: the City of Palaces

22 Jan 2008, 3:47 pm

juliekitty wrote:

pbcoll wrote:

So he has to provide for you, but does he get to call the shots?

Yep.

pbcoll wrote:

Can you show that I'm expecting those advantages, and cite which ones I'm expecting?

If he's the boss then yes, fair enough. (My own preference: 'Do not follow me, for I may not lead; do not lead me, for I may not follow; just walk besides me.')

juliekitty wrote:

pbcoll wrote:

There's no contradiction; modern women tend to want and expect not an egalitarian relationship, but one in which they have the advantages of an egalitarian relationship, those of a traditional one and the drawbacks of neither. This is unrealistic and dysfunctional.

juliekitty wrote:

pbcoll wrote:

(they give men little incentive to committ).

Ah, again you misunderstand where the onus lies.

It's men who need to give us incentive to commit.

In practice, both need an incentive; while in practice divorce is skewed in favour of women, men can and do avoid it by resorting to 'the marriage strike.' If they're dissatisfied, they can walk out or cheat. Clinging to traditional romantic notions of 'men have to do all the wooing' does not change that.

juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,540

22 Jan 2008, 4:21 pm

pbcoll wrote:

in practice divorce is skewed in favour of women

Oh, is it?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jh ... rce107.xml

http://www.cbs.nl/en-GB/menu/themas/bev ... 461-wm.htm

Divorce is financially damaging for both parties, but studies show it's worse for women.

pbcoll wrote:

men can and do avoid it by resorting to 'the marriage strike.' If they're dissatisfied, they can walk out or cheat.

Those options are equally available to women, so I'm not sure what your point is here.

pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,892
Location: the City of Palaces

22 Jan 2008, 4:42 pm

juliekitty wrote:

pbcoll wrote:

in practice divorce is skewed in favour of women

It doesn't say if the studies are adjusting for how much each was earning, independently of the spouse, before divorce, and it isn't clear how 'income' is being measured (if one of them wasn't employed, is the income zero, and hence can't decrease or does the spouse's income count?). It does say, however, that men are far more likely to lose their home as a result of a divorce settlement than women. It is also no secret that women pretty much automatically get custody unless they don't want it - i.e. women get a choice, men don't.

juliekitty wrote:

pbcoll wrote:

men can and do avoid it by resorting to 'the marriage strike.' If they're dissatisfied, they can walk out or cheat.

Those options are equally available to women, so I'm not sure what your point is here.

Yes, these options are available to both - hence both, in practice, need an incentive to committ. I did not say that only men needed one.

MikeInVa
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 9 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Location: Manassas Va.

22 Jan 2008, 7:47 pm

LVBen wrote:

juliekitty wrote:

LVBen wrote:

So, juliekitty, what were your first dates with this guy like?

Dinner at his place, a video.

Normally I wouldn't go a guy's place on a first date, but he was a friend of a friend.

Oooh. Very cheap! He knew what he was doing!

Sigh... I think you're fighting a losing battle with this one as she's determined to "one up" you at every opportunity here.

Someone needs to tell Julie that this isn't bringing us any closer to resolving the question of why women,for the most part are such hypocrites when it comes to online dating....JMHO.

juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,540

22 Jan 2008, 8:25 pm

MikeInVa wrote:

Someone needs to tell Julie that this isn't bringing us any closer to resolving the question of why women,for the most part are such hypocrites when it comes to online dating....JMHO.

WHEE oo WHEE oo WHEE oo WHEE oo

It's the thread police!

Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

23 Jan 2008, 1:04 am

juliekitty wrote:

LVBen wrote:

No! You aren't supposed to look like you are keeping it cheap! You are supposed to look like you have lots of money, and that you don't mind spending money to have a good time, but the most important thing is that you spend very little of it on her!! !

Wow.

If I were dating a guy who I thought loved to spend money on everything EXCEPT me, I'd assume he wasn't that into me, and keep looking elsewhere!

I guess that might work on low-self-esteem girls, though...

I don't see it that way, I see it more as the guy having interests outside of me. I'd be seriously freaked out if a guy was obsessed with me and not interested in anything else.

In terms of paying for things, ideally I like to go Dutch with the guy. Sometimes it's ok to have dinner bought for me, but only if I can reciprocate and pay for his meal the next time. A lot of guys I've met have had a problem with this, I tell them that I can pay for myself and they get all sulky, I feel like shouting at them that they won't be any less of a man for letting me pay my own way.

_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I

juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,540

23 Jan 2008, 2:04 am

Who_Am_I wrote:

I'd be seriously freaked out if a guy was obsessed with me and not interested in anything else.

That's not what I said. Here's what I said:

juliekitty wrote:

If I were dating a guy who I thought loved to spend money on everything EXCEPT me,

Two very different thoughts.

Who_Am_I wrote:

I see it more as the guy having interests outside of me. I'd be seriously freaked out if a guy was obsessed with me and not interested in anything else.

juliekitty wrote:

ideally I like to go Dutch with the guy. Sometimes it's ok to have dinner bought for me, but only if I can reciprocate and pay for his meal the next time. A lot of guys I've met have had a problem with this, I tell them that I can pay for myself and they get all sulky, I feel like shouting at them that they won't be any less of a man for letting me pay my own way.

Hah! See???

Men LIKE paying for women on dates!!

juliekitty
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Jun 2006
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,540

23 Jan 2008, 2:04 am

I've actually dated a few guys who were appalled by the idea of women paying on dates.

LVBen
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 7 Jan 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 257

24 Jan 2008, 3:08 am

LVBen wrote:

juliekitty wrote:

Yay!

Don't cheap out.

Haha! It's a 2nd date, so I still have to keep it cheap if I want there to be a 3rd date, and dinner can be expensive, but I tried to do lunch instead, and that didn't work out. Oh well, there are tricks to keeping dinner cheap without it looking like you are trying to keep it cheap. I already eat healthy, so I almost always drink water with dinner anyway and that saves some money, so I'll just order a salad or something else that is light too and hope that she follows suit. I just rented a few movies tonight, so if dinner goes well, I'll ask if she wants to go back to my house to watch one of them with me afterwards.

Ok, so we had an OK time on our date tonight, and we seem to be able to make each other laugh and enjoy each others' company, but she has almost no hobbies, and it seems like the only things we have in common is that we both like to watch movies and cook. She seemed really open to trying new things on our first date, but I tried to get her to do some indoor rock climbing with me after dinner and she refused to, so we went and watched Sweeny Todd instead. She does seem like she'd be a great catch for someone who likes a sedentary lifestyle, but for me, at this point, I'd only consider going on a third date with her if she could come up with something fun to do on a 3rd date that she'd be open to.

Dokken
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 998
Location: DeeSee/Merryland Area

24 Jan 2008, 7:04 pm

MikeInVa wrote:

No,she's from Manassas like myself.If I notice in the person's profile that they're from let's say Fairfax or Centreville then I won't even bother messaging them.

I didn't tell her about my employment history(or lack thereof) because I knew that doing such would be a deal killer right there.

I was thinking that perhaps you'd be interested in writing a rough draft for me so that I can edit my POF profile so as to increase my chances of success? Obviously I'm not the best when it comes to drafting online profiles & could definitely use some help in that arena. I could PM you my POF profile so you can take a look at it & see what needs to be changed & improved upon if you'd like.

Good Call, Fairfax girls are all snobs, they seem to believe they are all that, even though they're brats.

On my profiles, I tend to distort the truth a little bit. You know, make me look better. You can PM your profile if you want. You should definitely add a picture, if you don't have one on there.

_________________
I hereby accuse the North American empire of being the biggest menace to our planet.

Page 13 of 14 [ 213 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 Next

Jump to:

Why are women on dating sites such hippocrites Post Reply New Topic

Why are women on dating sites such hippocrites