90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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I'm 28 and have 5 ex-girlfriends. 4 of them I met online and my first one I met by being introduced to her by a friend I also met online. So basically, the Internet was my way out as well.

Problem is : all my exes were mentally unstable. I need a more stable relationship with a more stable woman and I'm graduately losing confidence in finding that online....

In many ways, I've always been more mature than boys/men of my age. I'm still disappointed I have only a Bachelor's degree and no Master's, though. I could have been a Civil Engineer under different circumstances....

Stop these idiotic generalisations, please. You're getting on my nerves with them.

I just said this on another similarly themed thread and I thought I'd say it here too.

Anyone who is saying it can't be done is simply making excuses to cover up their fear of failure. This is true in many things in life, and true here too. Everyone is scared that going up to a girl won't work, even a lot of NTs, and even people who happen to hide it very well.

By saying "I can't do it, the odds are agaist me, it'll never happen" and all that crap, you right there have just doomed yourself to failure. Not anyone else, not your Asperger's, but YOU have doomed YOURSELF to failure.

Yes, it's true we have a few disadvantages, but letting that completely stop us from even trying is fruitless and simply depressing.

So, if you want a girlfriend, try and get one, or wait for something to happen. Don't make excuses about why you're not even willing to try.

Getting a girlfriend is not too hard. Getting a stable girlfriend to have a stable relationship with is what's difficult. I haven't found in online and in bars I can't get past the basics....

Learn from your mistakes and try again. It's as simple as that. But saying you can't do it just because you've failed a few times isn't doing anyone any good, least of all yourself.

If you want to talk to girls in bars, practise and learn how to. If you want a certain type of girl, there's nothing anyone - yes, even the most confident NTs - can do but wait for one to come along, no matter where you're trying to meet her.

It's not always easy to learn without already knowing what to pay attention for. Sometimes I really don't have a clue what went wrong, making it hard to figure out how to improve things the next time.



I'm not really that specific regarding the type of girl, really. Only criteria important to me is that she's intelligent and openminded, that we connect in some way and that she isn't ugly.... The problem is that women tend to be pretty defensive when approached by men and it's often quite hard to move around or penetrate that barrier. A lot can normally be achieved with proper empathic interaction and as an Aspie I find it hard to overcome the lack thereof.

Salonfilosoof, check my reply in the other thread.

Done... And replied back.

Wow I've never felt cooler to have my Bachelors of Civil Engineering. It's the 'in' thing it seems...

Any how, I think it's possible for Aspies to get girlfriends. I've had two, the last one was some time ago. I've had some strange experiences with this stuff, probably no more than most people. There are varying degrees of socialiability when it comes to Aspergers, and if you don't have that network and a high sociability, I can understand why it can be hard just meeting people, let alone asking them out.

It is possible to do though. Myself, I fantasize way too much. Like they say in Sleepless in Seattle "You don't want to fall in love. You want to fall in love in a movie."

why does Lonermutant think that we are all obese, ugly, have only a junior high eduaction, and are only interested in hookers?

im 6'2" and 165 pounds so im not obese, im rather scrawny actually

im a senior in high school, certainly more than an 8th grade education

im not ugly

im interested in alot more than just hookers


all that obviously proves him wrong

Try telling the moderators that...

So what about someone like me, I have failed at getting girls 99.99% of the time I have tryed. I have pretty much been getting rejected from dates and getting "friend zoned" all my life, every single time. I feel I have learned from my mistakes and adjusted from them, but I keep getting rejected. So I should keep trying and keep getting dumped on? After getting rejected for 25 years I am pretty much not trying anymore. Its a defense so I won't get hurt.

The problem is that trying just isn't good enough if you don't know exactly what you're doing. I agree that not trying anything is the worst alternative, but trying very hard without any guidance by a teacher/mentor can be just as pointless and even more frustrating.

I have a strange case I feel normal trapped in a messed up mind im aware of it but i cant do anything about it. I love girls but im 19 and never had a girl freind but I hang out with girls I wont live in this prison of aspugers so I have been trying to fix me though means other are to immature to handle aka partying and its working senice I smoked weed when i was 15 to robo xtc at 16 ect... the fist time I took shrooms we were askin my sober freind if we where normal enof to go into my freinds paraents house and my freind look at me and said I was too NORMAL I was too then LSD temporaily compleatly cured me and permetly moved me a little closer to freedom THC cures my day to day and alcohol cures my social probles after a few beers I need more LSD it could be somthing it has to be resurshed it works for me fo real

I have had many friends over the years help me, teach me. I have been aware of what I was doing. But all the women that have rejected me say the same thing when I ask why they are not interested in me romanticly. "Just something about you." Thet say. When I ask what it is so I can change it they tell me they don't know what it is. Very frustrating.

The reason is your lack of empathy. Women expect men to behave in a certain way and this is normally regulated by empathic impulses. Aspies are not empathic and because we don't receive those impulses we don't respond the way they expect us to which makes women feel unfomfortable about us.