So how do I get a boyfriend?

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01 Oct 2010, 6:26 pm

I don't agree about the "wasting your youth" thing. Wasting your youth is being in a relationship too young imo, and wasting your youth is having kids too young. And most normal parents agree with this.

Whoever is telling you that advice is not normal. I am 25 years old and If I had a kid and got married my parents would feel sorry for me and tell me "Your life's over Fiona" - Because it's TRUE.

MotherKnowsBest
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01 Oct 2010, 7:00 pm

Yep, I had my daughter at 21. Much as I love her, I wish I'd waited 10 years. I feel like I missed out on the best years of my life. I should have been out having fun and living, instead I was home alone cleaning, cooking and changing nappies. Now she is 17 and I have my freedom back, but I'm too old to enjoy it.

ToadOfSteel
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01 Oct 2010, 7:28 pm

MotherKnowsBest wrote:

But isn't 30 too old to be starting a family? I could understand waiting like 5 years, but 10?

nick007
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01 Oct 2010, 7:43 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

MotherKnowsBest wrote:

But isn't 30 too old to be starting a family? I could understand waiting like 5 years, but 10?

No it's not. My paretns had me when they were 30. I think it was a good thing that they waited because there lives were kind on on track then

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Hector
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01 Oct 2010, 8:07 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

MotherKnowsBest wrote:

But isn't 30 too old to be starting a family? I could understand waiting like 5 years, but 10?

Don't you know women who started having children in their 30s? It's the norm in much of Western Europe.

hyperlexian
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01 Oct 2010, 8:57 pm

i had my daughter at 22. i felt so young. too young. but now i get to have my second childhood at 40! i would not have the energy to raise children at my age (though lots of women do). but 30 would have been fine.

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bewarethebob
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01 Oct 2010, 10:04 pm

my parents adopted me at about 35. they had all the finacial support gained already.
the reasoning for that was; my birthparents are A: too young with no money and B: dead.

so yeah. I would say wait till mid 30's. im going to do that.

marry at 20 sumthin, kids later.

whatever.

isnt this still off topic lol?

ToadOfSteel
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01 Oct 2010, 10:50 pm

bewarethebob wrote:

isnt this still off topic lol?

yeah a bit sorry... i'm just worried that if i dont have kids sooner it wont happen at all. Of course my main objective in the short term is still to finish college and get my career going -- no point in having kids if you can't support them, after all -- but I also remember reading a study where men over the age of 30 are more likely to father autistic children (and more severe cases), so, given my own diagnosis and my family history, i'd rather minimize those chances.

nick007
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01 Oct 2010, 11:56 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

bewarethebob wrote:

isnt this still off topic lol?

I've heard similar stuff here before Toad. I think adoption would be a good idea. It's possible you could adopt a kid who has things worse than autism but it's not like you taking a chance & are creating & bringing a kid into the world. I know having kids with my genetic make-up would be one of the most irrepressible thing I could ever do. I'm not fit to survive; I'm Darwin's weakest link

menintights
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02 Oct 2010, 2:01 am

Wow. There's something really sad about thinking your life is over once you have a child (or get married). If you really believe marriage and parenthood are that burdensome, maybe you should never get married or ever have a kid...

Quote:

a study where men over the age of 30 are more likely to father autistic children (and more severe cases

More years = more mutations =

But I would guess it's not so much a problem at 30 as it is at 40.

Edit: My father was 55 and my mother was 40 when they had me. So I guess we now know what they did wrong.

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02 Oct 2010, 6:29 am

nick007 wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

bewarethebob wrote:

isnt this still off topic lol?

firstly, at menintights, your parents did nothing wrong, dont worry so much.

allrighty. yes, my parents were a bit old, and I was adopted myself. didnt change the fast I have ASD however LOL.

seriously though, if you want to be a parent, adopt, there are many kids out there who need a family, no need to make another when there are so many ones who may never have one.

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02 Oct 2010, 6:54 am

menintights wrote:

I certainly don't plan to. All my parents meant by saying "you're life is over" is you're not free anymore. You have to have your kids back forever (Especially me as a woman, when the man usually buggers off and leaves the woman to care if there is a split) and you also have a partners feelings to worry about.

The benefits may outweigh the losses, but I wouldn't know. I still feel like a kid myself. I'm not ready to grow up and be a parent.

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02 Oct 2010, 9:36 am

Wow, this is depressing. I'll be lonely if I'm single but my life would be over if I get married and have kids. No wonder so many people walk out on their spouses, oy. D:

I would love to adopt a child if it wasn't so friggin' expensive. Seriously, I'll be paying for the child all my life so why do I have to be thousands upon thousands just to take it home? That's why most people can't adopt and find it's cheaper to make their own. I've only seen richer families being able to adopt a kid and this is why. Foster care is another option but you don't get to keep them unless they want to stay. I'd have my heart broken every time a child would leave for another home.

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02 Oct 2010, 10:10 am

Erisad wrote:

I think you'd make a darn better foster parent than some people. Abusive a***holes they are.

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02 Oct 2010, 10:18 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Erisad wrote:

I think you'd make a darn better foster parent than some people. Abusive a***holes they are.

Awww, thanks. I think I'd be a good mommy. Not now, just whenever I has my degree and all that jazz. ^_^

I've heard horror stories about some foster parents from some friends of mine who were foster kids. Some parents will do it just to collect money from the state and use it for themselves instead of the child. That's tame compared to some of the other ones but I guess you already know how bad it can be.

Sallamandrina
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02 Oct 2010, 10:23 am

You shouldn't worry so much about it Toad, you're still very young. My sister just had her first baby at almost 38 and everything went very well for her.

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