Who are the Self Proclaimed Nice Guys here?

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Believe me, if anyone, be it female, male, relative, or partner tried to go to bathroom with me all they would get is a very rude comment on their personality and manners. I can't even stand my cats being in the bathroom with me when I go. The toileting together habit is filthy and disgusting and I cannot convey enough the depth of my revulsion about it. On an outing, the only reason to go with another female is for safety - so if some creepy man/men approaches and tries something, there is someone to call for help.

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Aspergian Mutant, you had the option of regular counseling like everyone else - That IS help. You decided that cannot help you without even trying. Your belief system is keeping you prisoner because you believe that only this one particular thing will help you, you won't even allow chances for things that have been shown to actually help people in your situation help you. So nobody is blaming you, already, people keep trying to help you but you just don't want to be helped.

Going to the bathroom is, for me, also a solitary activity.

AM, I get the pain you are feeling. What you may not be acknowledging is that women experience their share of pain and humiliation, too. Being treated like an accessory instead of a person, only for the ego boost that it gives the man you are with. Being told you are loved, and then being abused by the person who says they love you. Being promised fidelity, and then being cheated on. Being rejected for being less than perfect. I don't know any woman who has not had the majority of these experiences in their lifetime. Along with many other types of abuse, rejection, and humiliation.

Women are not your enemy. Men are not women's enemies. INDIVIDUALS may treat you poorly, but as mouthyb says, women do not operate with a hive mind. There is no conspiracy. All humans want the same thing, to love and be loved. Some are incapable of loving themselves, much less another. Those INDIVIDUALS are the ones you want to stay away from. Sadly, for many of us, the way we are raised is the only model we have for human interactions. If we truly want something different for ourselves, we have to make those changes in our own lives, our own perceptions. No one else can do it for us. It may only be possible for some of us to find that path with the help of a mental health professional. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going that route. You have to acknowledge the need for a change, have the desire for the change, and possess the tools to make the change. The first two must come from within. The third may require assistance - again, that is what mental health professionals DO. They give us the tools to make the changes that WE want to make in ourselves. They don't do it for us, they only help us find the methods and the paths that will work for each of us as individuals.

Yes, all men are evil until proven otherwise.
Thats the default, thats the way I was treated.
Guilty first. then had to prove my self innocent,
Even when I was a victim my self.


You Assume allot, yes I got counseling, lots of it.

I am just Mr Evil, the creep next door, because you don't even want to know me. isnt that right?
I just love how people judge me simply because I am male, and they don't even know me.
This is one of the reasons I isolate my self.
I got blamed even for my own rape, simply because I was male.
All men are evil by default, esp the poor ones.

Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 09 Mar 2014, 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You are the one assuming a lot.

a) I have a right to protect myself first and should not be expected to expose myself to the dangerous men just to spare your feelings

b) you are the one who said yourself that you didn't want to have counseling because it doesn't help. Now, maybe you worded it in such a way to make it seem like you never had counseling, because this is what I had taken from your posts. If you have had counseling and you still think that all men are guilty until proven innocent etc. then you need to have some more counseling. Nobody says you are Mr Evil, we are just saying that this particular way you are thinking about the world and yourself is not healthy and not likely to be helpful to either you or other people who you come across.

Look, if I had a particular way of thinking about something to do with other people and 20 people came and told me that I was wrong to think like that then I would seriously consider that maybe I am in the wrong.

You have been brave and shared what you think would be a solution for dealing with sexually frustrated men, and you have been told that what you suggest is not at all a good solution and have been told why. You don't need to take away from this that you are a bad person. All you need to take away from this is that in this particular instance, you have not offered a sensible solution to a problem. Time to put the thinking cap back on.

What support? No one held my hand, or offered to help me. In fact, every time I tried to tell someone what was happening, they ignored me, beat me, told me they weren't going to impinge on my parents' religious freedom by interfering, told me my parents seemed nice to them and therefore I must be lying, told me what was happening was my fault and otherwise did everything in their power to blame me. The schools that I went to with a black and purple ass made the religious freedom comment and the social workers I finally got the courage to call told me my family seemed nice and made me apologize for reporting them. When I told my family what the babysitter had done, they beat me and called me a whore for the rest of my life. When I tried to report the next rape, my best friend told me it was my fault for talking to the guy--I had a necklace of bruises from being choked out and I could barely walk.

No one told me they felt any sympathy for me until I learned to be more socially acceptable. There is no magic support for women. Like everything else, it is contingent on being socially acceptable.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

Off-topic, but respect to you, mouthyb! Not for having suffered, but for having fixed yourself.

I didn't read anything of the last 3 pages but something telling me that we need a group hug.

babybird...go!

sly: From earlier, thank you.

FMX: I'm not done, by any means (or I probably wouldn't currently be as steamed as I am). But thank you.

I suppose I should adjust what I want here. I originally wanted AspergianMutantt to see that what he was suggesting wasn't going to work out well, and that women are individuals who also get hurt in the process of being in society. I don't think that's going to happen, so perhaps I'd better leave it at I hope that it's clear to at least one other person that women are also people with problems, and not magic sex machines who can cure mental and emotional problems by sleeping with you. :-/

Also, people who are hurt tend to want mommy to fix it. Wouldn't that be nice? Sadly, once you are an adult, that option becomes lost forever. You have to take responsibility for your own self. Sure, others can help, but it's never going to be like when you were a baby and mommy fixes it when you are upset.

I think AM could probably do better if he were to experience positive, nurturing male care. He doesn't seem to understand that men can be nurturing and protecting and loving people too.

+1

Every time I read about what mouthyb went through it freaks me the hell out. I've seen stuff like that growing up and it killed me not being able to do more for those kids.

^^
this.

Go where?

Completely OT: What kills me is that I have all these memories of them and now they are in their 50/60s--older and starting to be frail. My mother, in particular, finally got medicated for her bipolar disorder with psychotic episodes, and she is constantly shaky.

And now I feel sympathy for them. No one stays bad forever, nor are they always bad. Instead, as they age, they become complex and I begin to understand them. Not that I'm not still angry, but people are complicated.

And that brings us back to the topic in hand.

I can't think of Nice Guy (TM) (now that I know what it means)

There are a number of charming men who come here though.

Did someone mention a group hug?

((((HUGS ALL ROUND))))

I know I could do with one.

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))) BB

Sqwerty's very generous with the hugs.

Does that make you a Nice Guy (TM) or just a really nice guy?

I reckon the latter.