The only women my age I would be interested in

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Her first response was what am I talking about and that it is hurtful to hear I would never like her. Then I wrote a long paragraph describing "Catch a Predator" show in detail. Then she reiterated she is 18 and told me the legal age in Europe is 15. Well, I didn't look up these two countries, but I know that it can be anything between 16 and 18, but never 15. So she probably lies.

Now, would any decoy actually lie about the legal age? If the point is to test people's knowledge of the law, then sure. But since the point is -- instead -- to test the compliance as opposed to knowledge, then they should recite the law correctly.

She asked me why do I like that show. I told her I do because of its interesting twists and mentioned a few of my favorite ones. I then told her she should go on youtube and search "to catch a predator". She said "no thank you".

I guess "no thank you" reply doesn't sound like what the decoy would typically say. But then again what I was telling her doesn't sound like what predators usually say either. So she might well still be a decoy who knows.

I am glad that the conversation ended though. Talking to her for too long might have made it suspicious as if I was a predator trying to "test waters" so to speak.

Personally I suspect she's honest about who she is but that the conversation is unfolding in a way she's likely to not stay interested.

Begging has the same results throughout the world, and it's never a good strategy. It means you're scoring by manipulation with a person who doesnt want to be with you and doesn't believe it's a good idea, and taking advantage of their weakness, without controling yourself or your feelings. If feelings arent even involved, you're really not in a good mental place and are a danger.

Begging works in workplaces, it seems, if it can be in a way that you show interest in the special job and position and express how important it would be to you.

Kids who get what they want upon begging become spoiled, and spoiled children fail to see the value in essential things, and use material things to compensate for their sentimental needs. They are also brats, they aren't good children. The way your caretakers gave in to your demands and manipulation was surely detrimental to a healthy growth. Maybe you should look into how that alters your perception of the world and the way you think about relationships in adulthood. You are very confused and for good reason. Spoiled children aren't exclusive to Russian, they exist everywhere, parents are tired or burnt out and they just give in to the desires of the children. But that teaches children nothing, and having toys wrongly obtained doesn't help them but creates the issue. This is why when they act the same in adulthood, it also doesnt help them get what they actually need, but toxic relationships.

My Russian fiance who lives in America now says that Russians are more invested in their friendships than Americans. Thats why you probably found theyd put in all that effort to get you a girl.

You were also maybe young so they might have just thought you are a beginner, is what i'm thinking, since you mention in Russia you were a kid. Or maybe people your age would do it with more likeliness.

Why would I be a danger if I neither hit nor rape anyone? A kid who begs would not be a danger. The reason adult would be is that adult has a capacity to do other things besides just begging (such as getting violent). But in my case I don't get violent. In fact I do the exact things the kids would do. Thats why I don't see how I am a danger.



It usually didin't work there either, at least not in America. Although now that I come to think of it on occasion it worked. And those rare occasions were enough to save me. For example, back in 2006, I ruined the reputation at graduate school, in America. They told me they would expell me from graduate school unless I get an advisor by June 1. But they also ruined my reputation so that nobody wanted to be my advisor. I was begging people for 5 months to take me, nobody agreed. But then, right before June 1, one retired professor agreed. So thats what saved me, and I got my Ph.D.

So I guess the takeaway from it is that 99% of people at the American universities don't respond to begging, but 1% might, and that 1% is all that I need.

But what about Romania? Do Romanians positively respond to begging more often?



In my experience, 99% of the time I couldn't get a relationship by begging. But then again there were a couple of examples when I did. And those relationships ended up being rollercosters. So maybe its because my partners didn't like me to begin with so they were finding "other reasons" not to like me?



Yes that makes sense.



Actually I was not referring to when I lived in Russia. I was referring to when I was in America and came to Russian church. So that was only 2 years ago.

However you have a good point that people seem to give up on me becuase I am old. And in doing so they are also being hypocritical. For example one Christian guy said "wait on the Lord". But how can I "wait" if I am already too old, I should hurry not wait! But you see, like you said, the reason he isn't very helpful is that I am too old. So its like because I am old I should wait to become even older! Thats a hypocricy.

Here is the extend of our conversation:

ME: I see you are not originally from Estonia yet you live there. So since Estonia is part of former USSR, do you speak Russian? I am originally from Moscow, Russia, but I came to the US when I was 14

HER: Hello and thank you for your message, no we are from Norway that’s where we spend most of the time when my father is not working! Living in the mountains in a cabin that he constructed himself! Do you like being outside in later do you hunt and things like this? My father is exactly the same age as you so it would be perfect

ME: I don't hunt no. But I like being outside. Are you saying you want your husband to be the same age as your father?

HER: Yes. Very much so

ME: Well if your husband is the same age as your father, then your daughters father would be the same age as her grandfather. And then if her husband would be the same age as her father, then her husband would be the same age as her grandfather. And then by the same logic your granddaughters husband will be the same age as her great grandfather. As you see this can't continue indefinitely like that.

HER: I know but I think it is also a good unrighteous thing that the husband is older than the wife for many reasons And rightfully* Sorry the typo, I believe it’s a good thing that the husband is older than the wife

ME: But usully with other people its 7 years older rather than 24 yers older

HER: For me it’s different, I can’t explain it, if you have a problem with it it’s okay but I always wanted to have a husband that were my fathers age! It’s also very important for me that my husband and my father will get along well and That’s easier if they are close in age!

ME: I don't have a problem with it. I was just asking out of curiosity. Were you sexually abused by your father, is it what caused it?

HER: My father is a very good man and he has never sexually abused me, he has raised me very traditional and conservative and I love him very much.

ME: but then how did it happen that you are lookign for much greater age difference than most people do? I mean in conservative families, yes, husband is older than wife, but he is usually much younger than the father. So what is the difference between you and others that in your case you want your husband to be same age as the father while most people don't?

HER: I guess you are right, it’s a good observation and I want to learn from it, if you want to correct me and guide me to find someone younger I will maybe listen to you but I really feel attracted and it feels right! How are you feel too get married and to join in one flash with a woman my age? Would it be strange?

ME: It says your education level is "some school". Are you 18 or are you even younger? I know the dating site won't let you fill out an age younger than 18. Thats why I have to ask.

HER: I’m finishing last year in high school

ME: What is your age?

HER: 18

ME: Okay lets be honest with each other. You know you are sting operation decoy and I know it too. So I am nto going to be interested in you. I *do* however like to talk to you about your work as a decoy. So since you said you are in high school but 18, are you syaing that it is illegal to date 18 year olds if they are still in high school? Thats actually a great legal question I never thought of. But I think its a bit unfair to trap people tihs way since some people might not know this intricacy. I think it would have been a lot more fair to say you were 17, then you would know that nobody would bite the bate unless they want to be pedo. But like I said I am not interested in dating you at all so I have nothing to worry about. I do want to talk to you about some of the other stings and what you think of them. Have you watched "Catch a Predator" show? What do you think of it?

HER: What are you talking about? LOL what is the decoy you were talking about? There is not so much to this than two people getting to know each other and I am an adult and so are you but it’s kind of hurtful to read you say you will never be interested in me whatsoever

ME: There is a sting operation where people -- who are older than 18 -- lie that they are younger than 18, and then see how many adults would express interest in them. Then they arrange a "date" with them at a particular house. When they arrive they talk to them for few minutes and then they say they have to go to the bathroom or something. When they leave, Chris Hansen (a television person) shows up and asks them what are they doing there. Then he confronts them as to why they came to see someone younger than 18. They would often lie and say they were told they were older than 18. But then Chris Hansen would read a transcript to them in which it clearly shows they are younger than 18. And he would also read some of the explicit sexual texts they said to them, from the transcript. Now, Chris Hansen wouldn't tell them right away who he is. So a lot of them assume he is either the girls father or the police. The biggest fear is of course that he is a police. But then at the end he will tell them that he is just a video person who is doing a show about adults trying to meet kids online, and camera crew would come out. And then he will say if he has anything more to say he can go ahead and say, if not he can leave. Usually people choose to leave right away at this point, although some people do say few words such as "don't look for younger women". In any case, when the person learns he is not a police but a video guy, they would feel a sense of relief. BUt that sense of relief is not for long. Because when they leave, there IS in fact a police right outside the door. That police immediately arrests them and puts them into police car and drives them to police station. Some of what they do in police car and police station is also recorded, although they aren't told that. And then at the end fo the episode we are told about the outcome of the court case and how many months or years they ended up spending in jail.

HER: Oh please Anyways I am 18 Legal sexual age Here is actually 15. But I know Europe is much more liberal than your place Why do you like the TV show

ME: Because its interesting to see what those people would say when confronted "what are you doing here" and what excuses they would make. Plus there are a lot of intersting twists. Like there was that Maurice Wolin guy who spilled the drink and then went to wiped it off and saw camera crew so he tried to run off but then they catched him and later he was calling his wife asking for a bail. And there was a different episode when two different guys ran into each other which is rather unusul since Chris Hansen tries to avoid these situations (I don't know why: I would have preferred if they were to meet each other more often). And then there is an episode when a guy was caught twice and the second time he said "ooppss". Its really interesting, I think you should watch it. Just go to youtube.com and search "to catch a predator", you will get a lot of interesting episodes like that.

HER: No thank you.

I'm not sure about your experience as I dont know all the details but on dating apps statements about desires for the future if it ends up being a relationship (which no one will say in your face if theyre interested, the ifs, especially if they consider only you) are posted on profiles or are stated early on, because people who want to get married dont want to get involved with someone who doesnt wanna get married if they can prevent it, it could create a lot of complication for her family and herself emotionally if she desires it. Then again some people dont mention it until its too far, most people. For some desires change too, and the relationship dynamic can change better or worse.

If she is a decoy, she won't be that easily detectable.

"nobody ever falls in love that fast"- it's called keeping one's heart on one's sleeve. Young people may fall in love pretty easily, or maybe it's lust and they dont know how to distinguish. I still am not convinced if she is actually in love or she is wanting you to tell her if you're aiming for marriage or not and you might have misunderstood. But the age difference dynamic is pretty obvious at this time, she might want marriage right now while you're actually thinking about the future and dont want to speed it up.

It's possible that is the reason she wants old people, because she has exp with youth and they arent in for marriage and have that maturity she craves but cannot fully grasp herself at this age, so looking for older guys may not actually be helpful for her. Shes a teenager and a dream-focused one.

18 isnt a great age to be at, it wont make much difference in thinking than being 17. If you like them this young you have to understand their challenges and that their emotions control isnt as much as it is for older people. Teenage age, up into 20s with a lot of turmoil and trying out things in hopes for success or because they feel the need to become their own person which has been repressed so they may begin dressing eccentric or smoking or having unusual ideas, and mental state may be involved whether it's depression, hopelessness or something else. But that can affect adults too.

"If someone else were to come along and offer more than just that, I would improve with that other person." - this is the admission that you're unhappy and you are staying in unhappy relationships with the hope for something better. But if so, how do you epect to build something with the person you're with, if you expect to get out of there and how does that help you evolve genuinely in that relationship when its obvious even to strangers you dont care.

I have drawn conclusions based on what you have wrote you were with with all those people from the different points abc or 123 and how you reacted to them not giving you attention and their reaction to your behaviour as well as what they said their experience was with you.

How is it illegal to date an 18 years old? Is this just your idea?
At your age and yur exposure to dating sites it should be possible for you to google such things and concerns you have. All you have to do is type and press enter. Everyone is unknowledgeable at some point, but they should be able to search the information.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe

"The ages of consent vary by jurisdiction across Europe. The ages of consent are currently set between 14 and 18. The vast majority of countries set their ages in the range of 14 to 16; only three countries, Cyprus (17), Ireland (17), Turkey (18), do not fit into this pattern."

I would not suggest dating under 18, that may be illegal for your country's laws which you are a citizen of, you do not belong to the laws of that country. I would suggest dating 30 year olds as the lowest despite your fetishes for 18 year olds

Because using manipulation in hopes to find weakness in people is dangerous. Morality isnt that restrained, it goes beyond hit and rape. There are multiple levels of crime and moral faults and differences between years of enprisonment.

Trying to get some people into schools can be difficult, and only like 1% agree, this is what I heard about people who got their rep ruined.

But like I was saying we cant compare begging to date with begging to get into a school. There are different things to take into consideration.

It's not the kid's fault they learned and continued to do it as much as the caretakers' responsibilities to stop it and teach it doesn't work, that there are rules to how people get things and how things are bought with money and that not all can be obtained. When that kid grows to be an adult, he starts being responsible for his behavior and choices though.

Last edited by Rexi on 04 Jan 2022, 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You need to have a level of trust and low level of spook, as well as a high level of research and low level of black-white sight. Like she lied about the age in Europe when she probably heard about it or read about it somewhere and then the age changed to 14 instead of 15. This doesnt mean shes lying about who she is. Moreover if someone is lying, playing cat and mouse is not gonna get you anywhere on debates. You have no way of knowing and it only makes you keep seeking for clues where there arent any, grinding more and more on your paranoia. There are better ways to test your trust of a person but there may be times when you are going to deal with paranoia.

To be honest how it begun you seem a great fit with this person.

She doesnt wanna argue about her preferences and be judged though. But you, as an older man, also messaged her, so questioning her so much begs the question why you actually contacted her in the first place if you didnt want a very young woman. So if she has issues for it, you equally do.

And this is too strange going on the theory you attract the same kinds of people as you.

"Were you sexually abused by your father, is it what caused it?" - omg, you're so funny. This is the equivalent of, you been rammed by bananas before, is that why you dont like them? Some people dont like them because of that. This question should not exist! This is the common conclusion people draw about people with different beliefs or religions, that theyre unhealthy for believing other things or liking other things. This is not the case. And when discussing sexual abuse, which a lot of women go through, it's expected more sensitivity and less judgement. But the way you and her ask and answer the questions I really like, cause it seems very honest (except when you said you dont have an issue with it, because you actually do, you think shes got huge issues, and because of it you wont date her, not that its wrong, its just the way you believe and think, and you made her realize it's not a viable option if it happens in a string endlessly with ancestors which is not how things work in real life).

Damn, then you suddenly spout all this paranoid belief, but at least it was soon, I think you have huge issues with understanding basic writing and meanings. For example when she said "How are you feel too get married and to join in one flash with a woman my age? Would it be strange?" doesnt mean she wants that, and even less that shes in love with you, but maybe she wants to know what you think about it or was flirting because she noticed you're worked up and worried to defuse and not talk about your disagreements. Now she probably laughs with her friends and dad about the creep she met, or theyre in awe about the strangeness of the way you reacted and think you're insane. But this is a very important exchange.

Also sending a long paragraph of text after you reveal to not be interested in the person and the person is hurt isnt great. Like the amount of mindpower it takes the person to care about what you write and your boring detailed interest that much is way over their ability.

Ah, "no thank you" in translation means, this show has wrecked you and your ability to date, I'd rather it doesnt wreck me or anyone else either because I understand that it can play on people's trust and make them paranoid. The show may be awesome and an interest, but it's not worth it because the downside is too great. And by the way, I'm still upset about you rejecting me without giving me a real chance, but I still respect myself and I'm a catch because I am polite and witty, and also honest about not supporting this show hopefully it'll help you.

And after all this, it's pretty clear that you and her are having very significant difficulties.

"I really feel attracted and it feels right! " - this is under no circumstances love, it's lust and, she likes the way you talked to her and the debates you had. And it's the reason why she feels like she made false hope and is sad and hurt now, because the spark is very important to women in dating.

It can't be a sting unless there's some indication that she's underage. They want you to knowingly commit a crime

What I don't understand is, why do a sting on someone who hasn't committed a crime yet. What would be the point? No charges, so it's jus a waste of time and resources.

Exactly.

The problem though is that she is still in high school. So the question is: does being still in high school make a person "technically a minor" despite being over the age of 18?

Case in point: I turned 18 in the middle of my last year in high school. My high school teachers continued to send home grade report as well as talk to my mom about my grades even after I turned 18. That shows they regarded me as a minor. Because at the university, at least in America, it is not allowed to tell the third party what my grades are.