Are relationships always this complicated?

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yellowtamarin
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06 Mar 2015, 5:13 pm

You should break up with her, that's what you should do.



RetroGamer87
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06 Mar 2015, 5:18 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
You should break up with her, that's what you should do.
That's what she was saying last night. She kept on saying "You should break up with me, you should find a prettier girl", over and over again. Not once did it occur to her for her to break up with me. I asked her if she really wanted me to break up with her and she said "No, that would make me sad".


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yellowtamarin
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06 Mar 2015, 5:26 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
You should break up with her, that's what you should do.
That's what she was saying last night. She kept on saying "You should break up with me, you should find a prettier girl", over and over again. Not once did it occur to her for her to break up with me. I asked her if she really wanted me to break up with her and she said "No, that would make me sad".

Well, you can make her sad once by breaking up with her, or you can make her sad over and over again by staying with her.



Amity
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06 Mar 2015, 5:28 pm

You have worked hard to alter the direction of your life.
You have your accommodation, car, job/income, continuing studies, independence, this relationship is a misstep, the other accomplishments are solid.



kraftiekortie
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06 Mar 2015, 5:42 pm

Amity's right. You've attained many positives in your life.

It's inevitable that people make mistakes.

The key, really, is to acknowledge them, and to learn from them--rather than obsessing about them, and letting them affect your future life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Mar 2015, 6:15 pm

Image

That's a cute kitty.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Mar 2015, 6:20 pm

And that's the Palestine sunbird - one of the common birds in the area.

Image



DW_a_mom
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06 Mar 2015, 6:50 pm

To speak figuratively, the two of you aren't just from different planets, but different galaxies.

If you really want to stay with her, you need to have an honest discussion about what kind of boyfriend you are willing to be, and that will include specifically telling her that you are already aware of enough key differences to realize the two of you will never live together or get married (e.g., wanting v. not wanting kids - that is a long term deal breaker. Always). Also tell her that you are not the kind of guy who thinks $1600 purses are worth the money and would never buy one (personally, I'd be upset if my husband bought me one - I can think of soooo many things I'd rather spend $1600 on!). Don't become one just because you think that is what she wants; she has played it way too coy and you could be out of both the money and the girl, so forget it, don't engage and don't try. Make it clear that despite her romantic notions of how you should just "know" what she wants, you do not and never will, and don't want to play the game of trying to read into her statements and signals, as that detracts from the quality of the time you spend together. If she wants something, she will have to ask, and you will get to say yes or no. That doesn't mean you can't ever surprise her, but keep it to small things, like her favorite tea when she has cramps, or a single rose when she has had a bad day. Then MAYBE, after you've been together for a year, you can splurge $500 on a nice piece of jewelry for Christmas or Valentine's day.

Basically, you are the kind of guy who needs the up-front type of relationship my husband and I have. Women who want the same actually do exist, and you will find your relationship feels much, much less complicated when you are with someone who more closely aligns with your view on relationships to start with.

Tell her you think she is attractive and you enjoy spending time with her, but these conflicts confuse you and that, combined with the clear difference about wanting kids someday, makes you question if it is fair to either of you to continue dating. Tell her if she can accept you as you are you do enjoy her company and want to date, at least for the short term, but there will come a time when she will have to end it to pursue a relationship with someone who wants kids. Throw it into her court. And then accept whatever she answers.


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DW_a_mom
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06 Mar 2015, 6:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Image

That's a cute kitty.


very


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RetroGamer87
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06 Mar 2015, 6:55 pm

Boo, are you callinf me a p****? I won't fall for such a cheap trick. I'm not Marty McFly.

I'm not sure what the bird represents.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Mar 2015, 6:58 pm

Marty McFly didn't like to be called "yellow."

So what if he's kidding with you a little bit.

You know you're not a pussy--so there's no use reacting.

I wish it wasn't---but it's part of being a male--being able to take a little ribbing.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Mar 2015, 7:35 pm

Shr wants a $1600 purse?? Maybe she deserves the OP as bf after all.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Mar 2015, 7:40 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Boo, are you callinf me a p****? I won't fall for such a cheap trick. I'm not Marty McFly.

I'm not sure what the bird represents.


Nope, it was an attempt to derail this endless thread to some end.

Oh well, there's only one way left to do it:
Image



yellowtamarin
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06 Mar 2015, 8:13 pm

Yes perhaps I'll just shut my eyes and pretend they have ended their toxic relationship and all is right with the world.



sly279
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06 Mar 2015, 9:32 pm

girl ask me to spend 1600 on a purse would be a relationship ending. unless I'd won the lottery, no even then it just not practical. though I wouldn't spend it on a pc either. why not build one cheaper. if shes from a rich family and expects a rich guy. which is probably why i better off not being with the women in my area, cause they seem the same.

I'd recommend strongly you don't buy her things.



DW_a_mom
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06 Mar 2015, 10:02 pm

Silly me, all I saw with the kitten was a cute diversion ...


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