Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

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A good relationship certainly can make somebody happy, while a bad or mediocre one probably will not. I think the idealized relationship shown in works of fiction can make people assume that a relationship will solve everything or can only end up good. And a lot people, AS or NT, want love and companionship. Affection, verbal and physical, are both nice things and can make one feel more worthwhile. For somebody who feels bad about themselves, the prospect of affection can give them a sense of self-worth.

The "partner" aspect of relationships is definitely nice. To both depend and be depended on by another person makes life more full/meaningful. When one has sensitives like those experience by some of us with Autism, an understanding and supportive companion can make all the difference sometimes. I think it is much better when you can relate to the other person. I have never understood the concept of opposites attracting. It is better to have things in common that you can share with each other. It does not mean you cannot have differences; everybody does. And some activities and experiences can be much better when shared with another. It is interesting that people's problems can make you feel attracted to them. I can find it attractive when a girl is willing to listen and be supportive. I have had times in my life in which there wasn't anybody who wanted to listen or be supportive. I also like looking out for and taking care of a romantic partner. "Acts of service" are something I am very good at.

Almost makes me glad I didn't go. That could have been me.

Just because my experiences have been unpleasant doesn't mean others can't enjoy university. Many do.

I haven't been able to enjoy much of anything lately. I'm still sat at the table, trying to ignore my awful perfect family.

I don't talk to them. I can't talk to them. They're all of talking about their exciting lives. I don't really have a life. I have nothing to say in that type of conversation. So I say nothing.

They ask me how my work is going. I just say "good". I'm too ashamed to tell them how badly I'm doing and how stressed I get at work.

I want to tell them how depressed I am but I can't. Maybe they wouldn't understand. Maybe I'm just too embarrassed.

I want to tell them how sad I feel. Being the last single adult in the family. But imagine how desperate that would make me sound. I'd look pathetic. The only thing more pathetic than being single is whining about it in public. So I pretend I don't mind being single. It feels like I'm ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room.

I can't tell them how I feel. I can't tell them I hate myself. So I say nothing.

I don't. I'd rather just have lots of friends. Romance doesn't always equal happiness. I don't think it would because I'd rather focus on my needs and wants instead of sacrificing everything I have worked for and am still working for.

You know what. I used to feel like I couldn't talk to my family about this stuff, but I had a breakdown and it all came out.

Honestly, they'd rather you told them than find you dead.

Choose wisely who to confide in though. If your cousin is a douche, don't tell that cousin.

Though I understand that this can be harder for guys because you're expected to be tougher. Remember we are always here to chat.

Being in a successful romantic relationship wouldn't solve all my problems, but I'd imagine I'd be happier if I were in one.

It would show me that I have the capacity to be desired by someone I find desirable, which would (at very least temporarily) eliminate or greatly diminish self-esteem issues related to feeling undesirable. I'd imagine this is probably the main reason for a lot of forever-aloners, even if they don't/can't identify it as such.

A relationship won't help your self esteem problems, not even a little bit.

If you consider yourself unlovable, how is it possible someone falling deeply in love with you and saying "I love you, and dont think you're unlovable" to you every single day, morning and night, will change anything?

This is illogical nonsense.

I can tell some of the less douchy ones a bit. Like my non-douchy cousin-in-law. I tried to tell her why I was down. She just didn't seem to get it. Not her fault. It's partly because I felt uncomfortable going into detail so I explained everything really vaguely.

The reason why I couldn't tell her why I'm depressed in specified detail is because I'm so ashamed of the details. I've told my Aunt in slightly greater detail and learned not to tell my other aunt because she's a super-arrogant mega-douche. The last time I tried to explain to her why I was depressed (nearly a decade ago) she called me a "namby pamby whinger". How can she be such an expert on depression when she's never had it?

It does too.

I mean sure I still felt ashamed about not being a university graduate and not being a homeowner but I didn't feel ashamed of being single because I wasn't single. Being single was and is one of the biggest drains on my self-esteem so being in a relationship significantly increased my self-esteem.

More than that, it made other stuff in life, all the little details, seem more meaningful.

Don't worry, I was being sarcastic. :

Oh. Ok.

I know you're being sarcastic but I'm gonna address this anyway for the benefit of the type of people you're parodying.

A lacking capacity to attract a suitable partner is the CAUSE of a good portion of my self-esteem problems. If I'd acquired evidence or had experiences that suggested I had just about as much chance as anybody else to attract a suitable partner, insecurities about not being able to do so would vanish.

Instead, my experiences are indicative of a product not selling itself. Enough recurring failures and zero successes in an area where one intensely wants to succeed will make anyone lose confidence in their ability to do so. How can you regain that confidence other than being shown explicitly that you actually are somewhat competent in this area?

Truth is, a relationship in its own won't make me happy. I don't imagine I'll ever be truly happy without one, but if things stay how they are now except with someone special in my life it's still not going to be enough.

I think some folks might not want to admit it, but this is what it's like for most of us, IMO.

The negative of a romantic relationship is having to live for that other person. It's like the two of you turn into a Borg cube. You are assimilated into the collective with your individual uniqueness added your (collective) own. You lose your identity in the process.

The only way you can hang on to your "self" is if that self is compatible with that of the other. If not, then a LTR becomes about mutual surrender.

Then it's about the bad stuff with the good stuff. If she is a miserable person, you co-own her misery.

Miserable people, unfortunately, aren't much up for sharing. When they do find little pockets of joy, you have to be happy for them. If you are bubbly and joyful, they are jealous and will quickly cast their cloud over your sense of accomplishment. If you are unhappy, they're upset that you're too self-absorbed to validate THEIR feelings.

You cannot make another person responsible for your joy and sense of fulfillment. If you have that on your own, a relationship with an equally fulfilled independent person will enhance and amplify what you already have.

Part of it is that it's dawned on me that I can't possibly be a good supportive partner if I'm crumbling under my own misery. When I meet someone special I want to be a stabilizing element in their life, not burden.