You can't win arguments with women?

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Oh...

Marry me.

I'm not sure how to cut contact when kids are involved. She won't let me take full custody but she also won't accept sole responsibility.

Just leave. If you take the kid against her will it would be like kidnapping I think. I don't know any of the laws around children.

https://www.wikihow.com/Leave-an-Abusive-Spouse

Gather evidence of abuse then go to the police station and make a domestic violence report on her.

Oi!
I'm weak too.
Rub my furry tummy!

Stand in line.

Are you seriously considering nuclear options here?

How long have you been together and how did your relationship work before? Sorry if you've already explained it elsewhere.

Is this a new problem or was it always like this even before you had the kid?

You will never be able to cut contact if you have a child together. A few things could theoretically happen:

- The marriage will end but you'll still see her when you take turns caring for your daughter (pick up / drop off), which invariably includes discussion of how to raise your child cooperatively.

- One of you will stop seeing your daughter completely, and / or remarry, and / or move away, but continue contact by paying child support and negotiating expenses (submitting receipts, etc). The court will likely order that you continue to live within a specified distance of each other, in the child's best interest (usually about 20 km max).

- You will see each other on holidays and important events (your daughter's graduation, wedding, etc). One day you and Jane may be grandparents, even if you've been apart for decades. You'll have to co-grandparent.

- Your extended families will become involved in raising your daughter and your arguments will start to include grandparents' rights, cousins' rights, and the way you are treated by your ex in-laws.

It's almost impossible to just cut a person entirely from your life when there's a child involved. I know you don't want to do that, but I'm just rambling I guess.

Please realise though, that what your wife wants, and what will be ordered by a judge and child psychologists, are two different things: (She won't let me take sole custody but she also won't accept full responsibility). Don't forget that it isn't up to her. Sure, she might fight with that position in court but that doesn't mean she'll win. There's not a bias toward mothers in family court.

Both parents are considered vital to a child's development.

Removing my ovaries sounds just about right now.

[insert that usual thing I do]
This thread is upsetting to both of us. This stuff is not healthy to look at.

Ooh I love my ugly fish~

Warning, cussing in intro of song


We better start making me a wedding bathing suit. It's gonna get very wet.

Teehee <3
Well its the harsh truth, there's only one way to run from it, to face it.

Truth is, they don't know WTF they're doing, that's why they're in that situation. I mean I witnessed the beginning of it 5 years ago...

Anyway, I'm just gonna go.

But precedent will have a major bearing on the outcome.

What country are you from?

I know Retro is in Australia, but here in Canada, family courts Almost Always heavily favour the mother and fathers end up paying exorbitant & unaffordable child support/alimony payments. It's become so common and so bad here locally that I see posts from divorced fathers every week discussing wtf they can do to keep a roof over their own heads while they make payments to their exes. There's Zero consideration for how much mortgages/rent cost here, Only the % of their income the courts say their exes and children are entitled to - leaving them with not enough money to rent a Room (never mind a bachelors suite) & have enough leftover for transportation and food. Some of these guys end up living in their cars/trucks or an old RV or something. Others rent a room, or even just a couch to sleep on, and take the bus.

Situations where there's a fairer more equitable split tend to be ones agreed to between the divorcing couple outside of court - sometimes informal, others drafted up between lawyers.. but not through the courts. It's quite rare to read that a father was happy with the outcome of a family court decision. It's so much the opposite that there are coalitions of fathers hiring lawyers to fight the family court system for access to visiting their children and reductions in the exorbitant amounts they're court ordered to pay.

"You can't win arguments with women." was a slogan generated by men who were too stupid to learn how to. I guarantee it. Not to say that women who lose arguments are somehow bested, but you'll find yourself in a whole heap of trouble if you begin winning arguments without a common rule I like to keep handy -

Apologize if you realize you're wrong. Use the A-word when apologizing, not "sorry." And, make things right as best you can if you're wrong.

You're talking about trying to make people happy is what it sounds like. As someone who found out they were autistic after learning how to deal with people, I have a lot of little rules to help me mask effectively. Several of which deal with arguments, their fallout, and managing roommate/partner relationships.

When you live with people, you have to play by a different set of behaviors than those at work, but similar. You have to be respectful because you get to see an intimate side of people that they don't have a choice about sharing. How they treat their kids, themselves, their pets when no one is looking can tell you a lot about someone.

Your border is scared her child is going to abandon her. She's worried that if she doesn't keep the kid close, that her only familial connection will go wandering off into the wide world. But, she's not willing to admit that to herself or to anyone else. It's VERY common among immigrants. My grandparents did this to my aunts and uncle. They were torturous to the kids, but refused to let them "abandon" each other. They were scared the children would leave them alone, and that they would be alone in a new land. This mentality persisted for a few decades, as the kids were born almost 20 years apart. Part of me is glad they died when they did because my aunts and uncle would have come out in worse shape than they already wound up.

Ask yourself, does this person have many friends? Are they on the phone with old family from where they used to live? Are they out exploring hobbies? My guess is probably not. Tell me if I'm right- wake up, go to work, come home, eat, go to sleep. That lifestyle is very common, and it breeds a high amount of senseless conservative behavior because there isn't any fun involved.

I'm bringing this all up because if you're going to solve this riddle, you need to know what psychological frame these people are in, and determine how hard you are going to work to better it. 9/10 people I advise won't do the work. And they reap no rewards. The last 1/10 always see a huge jump in stability and happiness.

This lady needs security. So, you'll need to go after her identity. Help her realize that she's a strong independent woman. And make your suggestions useful. Buy her gifts that she can really use. And buy them often enough that a small bar of nice soap, or a cute new hat won't get wasted in a closet.

My mom has a tub of soaps she's received as gifts over the years stuffed under her bed. Whenever she has guests, she'll pull it out and offer them their choice. This is a weird practice she performs, trying to show people she cares about them. But, the thing I noticed is that she's missed the WHOLE POINT of fun. She got the soaps. Her friends wanted HER to enjoy them. And if you present this case, she'll argue that she enjoys giving them away. If you want to help this woman get her kid in a crib, then don't make her feel bad about trying to push cribs on her. Buy her passes to seminars or introduce her to a parents' group at her place of worship or a local community center. Help her meet the community of parents learning that sleeping with babies can hurt them.

Yes, you will need to do work to make things better for yourself. But I've found through my many friends that EASL people like it if you speak just a little slower to them. Not louder, just a hair slower. They'll take notice and they'll thank you.

When asked about care for babies and roommates, I often use the gun control argument to make a point. Stupid people who swear by sayings like, "you can't win arguments with women," buy guns to protect themselves. Sure, it's a simple solution to acquire something dangerous to protect yourself. Smart people buy or gain access to a cnc mill to protect themselves. It may seem unreasonable, but here's the rub - you can build countless guns with a mill, plus any number of other things. You can only shoot a gun. You'll need to educate yourself about her and who she is, incorporating several solutions into one that creates a safe, stable relationship. Or, you can choose one solution, like a saying that fixes your woes by making it not your responsibility to acquiesce.

Just wanted to add, the fathers being less likely to get custody than mothers is a gangland myth generated by a bunch of douche bag fathers who lost. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and I had a mother who studied the s**t out of divorce procedure in order to strip my dad of everything, which she did, after she had been cheating on him. I learned all about what happens in court, and what happens next.

Women and men have equal chances to gain custody over their children, and an equal shot at sharing that responsibility. What really matters is how reasonable they are in court before the judges, AND how reasonable they were to their partner beforehand. Judges don't like giving custody to men who never spend time at home anyway. Why would they? So, they look for things like whether the parent (read as gender neutral) spends time with the kids, knows what the kids need to have a stable lifestyle, and have the means to execute that lifestyle. My mom won the battle, but she lost the war. Neither my sister or I want anything to do with her.

Likewise, losing custody doesn't mean the kid stops loving you. This is a self-defeating trope these tough guys fall into once they're actually in a pitched battle for their slice of the family unit. All of a sudden, they need to care, and it's easier to explain that their wives are horrible b*****s out to suck their blood than to face themselves and realize they didn't put in enough work to make their relationships with their wives and kids work.

Psychotherapists ask you if you actually want to work it out, before helping you in that direction and if they notice you don't because you changed your mind, no sense in forcing you to. One should not pretend and keep servicing their abuser thinking it will improve. An abuser will only change on their own volition and terms. She sounds like she's beyond repentance in terms of involvement with you. She knows what bothers you yet she does it especially to control you.

When there's no love and you logically know shes not the one for you and even emotionally start to see it, giving out of the emptiness of your soul will 1 not help her change, 2 encourage her foul behavior and 3 leave you torn with every gift you give. But maybe then youll be convinced to get out.

Then love is not enough. It takes two to tango and if only one does, it's not gonna convince the other by keeping that work up.

Just be real with her. If you don't want her, can't pretend you do.