Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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Yep. I certainly agree with that although I would prefer a vibrator over sex with a selfish or abusive lover or with someone I wasn’t really into.

Interestingly, asking a total stranger out is leaps and bounds easier for me than asking out a woman I know.

Don't get me wrong; I am a tad nervous about asking out a total stranger. But not nearly as nervous as I am about asking out a woman I already know. I illustrated on a previous post how asking out a woman I already know makes me so nervous I'm not even really able to function.

That being said, even though I've asked out total strangers in person before (with relatively little nervousness), I've pretty much given up on asking out total strangers. Why? As you pointed out, virtually no woman will accept a total stranger's advances (except online dating/hookup sites, where it's to be expected you'll ask out a total stranger). So it's pretty much pointless.

Hell yeah, of course. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. Masturbation is always better than abuse or being with a stranger imo. I can mb without a vibrator if I really want to but even that's quite rare. I'd rather just do without but of course everyone's different and can do what works for them.

Even if you haven't known each other for long, if you've gotten to know the guy well enough to where you'd be comfortable getting asked out by him, chances are you have some type of commonality that causes you to cross paths (after all, there must be a reason you and him managed to get to know each other in the first place).

I cannot risk getting rejected by a woman I'm going to regularly cross paths with post-rejection.

A therapist is a trained professional (and can easily spot a fake).

You're right, there's always the sex worker loophole for those of us who, for whatever reason, struggle to find a partner the traditional way.

It's just frustrating for me to be a guy with good looks, who likely could get a traditional partner if it weren't for my social phobia/being on the spectrum, having to go the sex worker route.

When I met my partner in a waiting room we'd been chatting for about ten minutes. He said he really enjoyed talking to me, and asked if it would be OK to give me his number. I don't know how to put numbers into my phone (without making a fool of myself fiddling around like a moron first) so he got a piece of paper from the receptionist. Truth be told I thought it was cute but I didn't expect that I'd actually call him back, him being a stranger and all. There was just something so .... genuine about him. He seemed sincere and kind despite the fact we'd just met. I texted him a few days later and the rest is history.

I know it's not common especially these days, but we're older than your generation so I think people our age are used to face-to-face rather than online dating. I'm just supporting what bee33 said. It doesn't have to be a cold turkey approach to a stranger. If a conversation has developed on its own there's a lot better chances than if you just walk up to someone out of context.

I'm sure it's frustrating for lots of women with good looks who likely could get a traditional partner if it weren't for their social phobia / being on the spectrum / having PTSD from abuse, having to go the sex worker route or masturbate, too.

All people want loving partners. That's the gold standard. It's not possible for many people, even NTs, despite how they look. Looks don't guarantee we'll find what we're looking for.

I feel the same way. I usually care a lot more about cuddling than having sex or not. That said if I woulda been able to easily pay for sex when I was single without major risks, I might woulda done so partly to feel close to to someone.

Precisely. Put aside having ASD for a second. Approaching a potential partner is already up there with public speaking and sitting a job interview as the top 3 most stressful things to do. For most 20 year olds the biggest problem is subduing the rampaging hormones when merely approaching an "attractive" other. In addition to having a "script" and pulling it off, the ability to regulate one's emotions is super critical. As Skinnyelephant mentioned, having crippling social anxiety just makes saying "hello" an ordeal.

Secondly many young men with ASD don't have friendship circles. Joining one is another hurdle. We aren't even talking about romantic stuff here. Getting accepted by a friendship "group" or clique is damn hard even for neuroypicals.

third what constitutes "creepy" is actually a somewhat ambiguous concept. Over many years I've observed some really creepy men get dates with really attractive women despite being openly despicable. But, they have other qualities, characteristics that give them a free pass and some women are willing to compromise.

But yes, if you are struggling to come up with the right words and blurt out something inappropriate then the probability is you are going to be perceived as creepy. And that's an another area where ASD males struggle.

So in conclusion the advice we give ASD males is "don't be afraid, just go and talk to women" and their response is "but I am terrified". You can't blame them if it's easier to just sit on the sidelines.

I'll try not to be too detailed here... Me & my gf were both virgins & we're really bad at having sex when we tried. It's one of the reasons we haven't done it in a couple years. Cass's might have some medical issues that are a factor. It's like we both need to be guided while doing it & due to our very limited experience & Cass being very unsure of things & getting confused, we cant guide each other. It might be very helpfull if someone was there to direct us & demonstrate. The idea of a sex therapist might be very helpfull for us or us poseibly having an experienced bi woman friend

I remember being really frustrated as a 29 yr old virgin and feeling like a a man dying from thirst being surrounded by flowing rivers and fountains. What helped me was eventually not giving a crap and finding other things to occupy my time. Having a hobby/passion certainly helps. At that low point reading was one good thing.

A bit of my family members have successful marriages with people they barely knew before they started dating. Like they were sitting next to each other on a plane traveling for business trips, they were both shopping at the same grocery store, or they both happened to meet at a festival. My parents were set up by a mutual friend while in college. Whereas I usually do not make great first impressions unless I'm interacting in a professional sense like they're my doctors & nurses, or working at a store I'm shopping at, or I was working at a store & interacting with coworkers & customers. It's like I'm living in an alternate universe like that Star Trek ep where Spock had a beard It's the reason I'm on this forum & why I met the three girlfriends I've had on forums instead of in person offline.

My parents met at some kind of small party in the 1950s. They got along because they were both English even though mum's family had just moved to California and dad's had just moved to Quebec. Mum liked some other bloke better but a couple of days later my dad offered to drive her to visit her mother, who was in the hospital. My grandmother took one look at my dad and told my mum he was the better man, and she should marry him. My nan liked his mouth (lol) but also his personality and humble nature (aka, his autism).

They dated long-distance until my mother finally left her family in CA to live with my dad and his parents, unmarried.

I think she was about 16-17 when they met, and maybe 17-18 when she lived with them.
She was 19 almost 20 when they eventually got married.

Excellent point about friendship circles.

After a lot of mess-ups with trying to fit into various cliques, I finally found a clique that accepted me during college. The clique was mostly male, but had a few female members.

Some of the dudes in the clique even dated some of the girls in the clique. I, on the other hand, was lucky enough to be accepted into the clique in the first place. I certainly wasn't going to jeopardize my social standing by shooting my shot with my newfound female friends.

I've only been on 2 dates in the past 8 years. One of which was a woman who made the move on me at a festival.

Unfortunately, there was no 2nd date (and no sex on the 1st date)

I went 17 years without dating.
Actually closer to 18.