The reason why LJBF hurts

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In that case, what have you got to lose by branching out further with a plane ticket. Just save money where you can. Or if someone likes you enough you could help them come to you. My friend from N. Ireland didn't exactly have a pick round his way, either, and this is what he did. Romance and love isn't without risk.

I'm not willing to Risk what little I've got in order to attain it. I'd rather be lonely and miserable and complain about it on the internet than risk giving up what I've physically got in my hand for some nebulous promise of something else.

Well, at least you're honest!

It's something I always strive towards.

No sense in beating around the bush here, I know that being risk averse is what's holding me back in life. I had the opportunity to move to Oregon 2 years ago, and I didn't do it. I stayed here, because well.. that had no guarantee of success. I had no guarantee of getting a job.. no guarantee of being able to make it out there. So I came home, where I had a job (That I've since lost), back to my house with it's leaky roof, back to a climate that I hate (figuratively and literally) but.. better the devil you know.

Well here is my situation. So I got ph.d. in Physics in the states and then I moved to India for postdoc. I am not Indian at all (if anything, I am originally from Russia), the one and only reason I am in India is that on postdoc level things are very competitive and I couldn't get an offer anywhere else. Now Indian salary is only 300 dollars a month. It is fine in India since India is cheap. But plane tickets to Europe cost lots of money. Now, my mom flies me over to Europe for the purposes of my attending physics conferences which I need to do in order to further my physics career. But, for very obvious reasons, I am not going to ask my mom to fly me over to meet girls -- she is actually not that rich so she is doing me a huge favor in flying me for conferences. Now since I only want to date westerners, this pretty much limits me to either meeting a girl at the conference -- which is difficult to do since at the conference I would rather focus on physics than girls -- or be lucky enough for some westerner to visit India for a long period of time which hasn't happened yet. Finally the other option is get postdoc in the West, but I can't do that because physics is very competitive -- I mean I tried applying to like 100 places a year and i get all rejections from the West.

Now I guess my current situation has nothing to do with LJBF since there is no one around to LJBF me. But I guess I am more looking back to when I was in the states. Now, lets pretnd that I am in the states (for example, I improved my publication record so somehow I became more competitive) and so then I have more options. Now in htis case its not like I would be choozing between several different schools across all the 50 states. Rather its more like I would be lucky that ONE or TWO schools accept me while everyone else rejects me. Now, I am not gonig to abandone my physics career for a girl, physics was my life time goal since I was 9. So I know FOR A FACT I would be staying at whatever school took me in. Thus, I very much WILL have geographical barriers.

Now, you suggested I fly. I see two problems here. First of all, the postdoc salary in the West would probably be along 2500 a month. Now if I count the conferencese I would want to attend and so forth I probably won't have money to simply spend around. I mean, when I was a graduate student back in the statees I was getting 1600 per month, and I was using ALL of it up WITHOUT attending any conferences -- yes back then I was too stupid to see conferences are important. So the extra 1000 will probably cancel whatever I would now be spenidng on conferences. In other words, no extra money.

Now, suppose by some miracle I do have extra money and decide to fly across the country. Still this won't get me to DATE the girl. I mean, EVEN IF I fly there and our date goes perfect, the girl will know that I am stuck at whatever school I am at and I will only be visitting her occasionally. So she might turn me down for the simple reason that she wants to date someone whom she can see more often.

Bottom line: one way or the other I AM limitted to my geographic location whether you admit it or not.

LJBF is really only hurtful if she dates one of your friends afterwards and still plays games with you. Other than that, moving on isn't very hard.

Ahh yes, that.

Especially exciting if she spent months moaning to you about how he wouldn't take a hint and leave her alone.

It is hard if you have virtually no other options waiting around the corner. I barely meet any eligible women at work, and I don't socialise with women as often as I'd like to. I see my sister's social circle sometimes (she has a lot of attractive, single, female friends), but they all have standards as high as my sister!

It's hard to move on, when you don't know if your next opportunity will come in two weeks or ten years...

My thoughts are girls with high Machiavellian intelligence use LGBF among others things as a way of exploiting young aspie guys. Young aspie guys may have very deeply flawed models of how male female relations actually work and fall for these tricks and become very hurt. If they had a model of how things actually worked perhaps they would be less vulnerable.

Virtually none of girls wishing for a rich man will get it. Even more cruel is they will do nothing but oppose a guy working hard to get rich. They will make decisions that all but guarantee they will stay poor. But this is life. What is said and what is done is very different.