How to use OKCupid (from an actual success story.)

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25 Oct 2013, 1:33 pm

Found a great article linked to that one, leafplant:

http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-05-29/gir ... ound-love/

It's written from a female perspective, but It's very much in line with what I've been saying. And, like mine, most of the advice can be applied to either gender.

leafplant
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25 Oct 2013, 1:43 pm

^ aww that's really sweet

and young

and normal akshully

this does not apply to a usual aspie scenario male or female - who of us find a prospect of 500 1st dates thrilling?

I think I'd rather join a monastery...

Geekonychus
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25 Oct 2013, 2:00 pm

leafplant wrote:

Well unless you're extreamly lucky and/or settle for the first person who shows interest you're going to have to have to waid through a lot of dates. That's just the nature of it. Just because she's some pretty NYC socialite make-up artists doesn't mean all her advice doesn't apply. I'll repost some highlights from the article to help get my point across:

Quote:

-Online, most daters try to present the best possible versions of themselves in their profile. Supposedly, this is the only way to get dates. Instead, I tried to present a more accurate.
-You got to describe yourself in three words and I always made sure one of them was “neurotic.”
-Traditional dating wisdom suggests that you let the man make the first move. Not being especially gifted with patience, I did most of the asking out.
-Why can’t things be meaningful and fun? On these first dates, I decided to break all the “rules” and hold nothing back. I took dates to coffee shops I actually spent time in, not some fancy, forced scenario at a restaurant I couldn’t afford. I even took two first dates to Lars Von Trier’s “Antichrist” just to see if they could handle a film with a graphic castration scene. When one of the guys covered his eyes, I knew it was not meant to be.
-I announced my kinky preferences right away. I just didn’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s. I had no problem talking about my life or past relationships, even in a “my baggage does not fit in the overhead compartment” way. And my baggage is heavy.
-When I’m getting to know someone in, well, any context really, I prefer to skip the small talk. I want someone to date or befriend me because they like me, not because they like some fake projection of me.
-I think a lot of people found it refreshing that I let them see behind the curtain right away, and it even encouraged them to be vulnerable in kind. I think people don’t really want to play the “wait three days before you call” game as much as they feel like they have to.
-I’m completely comfortable in my relationship because I’ve never hesitated to put myself out there. We know exactly who the other is, and it just makes us love each other more. It might be scary to bare your soul from the beginning, but it’s worth it knowing you’ve found the right person, and they know the real you.

Last edited by Geekonychus on 25 Oct 2013, 2:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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25 Oct 2013, 2:04 pm

See, that's the thing. I don't get the appeal of dates as a strategy for checking compatibility. Far too easy to 'fake it' for a period of time, for one thing, and for another it's just awkward... too much like a job interview.

Obviously, I don't 'date'. If I'm seeing someone, they were a friend first and things just naturally progressed. Perhaps this is the main reason why OKCupid hasn't worked for me.

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Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.

octobertiger
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25 Oct 2013, 2:17 pm

Yeah. You really don't know anybody properly until you live with them. Everything else is fingers-crossed (that is, if you see the whole purpose of dating as finding someone to live with for ever and ever and all of that).

leafplant
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25 Oct 2013, 4:24 pm

some people date for years and never co-habit..it works for them

the worst thing is trying to fit yourself into some sort of mold that you are told gets the results.

and TeaEarlGreyHot - you are right - people tend to put their best foot forward in the beginning and then cannot sustain it so you find out who they are after you've already expended considerable amount of energy and time into getting to know them - from that point of view, the advice does make sense, i.e. I want someone to date or befriend me because they like me, not because they like some fake projection of me. but you really would have to be an extrovert for this to work.

Quote:

Well unless you're extreamly lucky and/or settle for the first person who shows interest you're going to have to have to waid through a lot of dates.

EVERYONE says this. I refuse to accept it!! Waaaa. i cannae do it!

I'm doomed to be single forever. Whatevz

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Oct 2013, 4:35 pm

You really should move to here, lost, I saw that ad on the newspaper:

"A lady in her thirties, beautiful and well cultured, seeking for a Christian Lebanese man with good morals and high status, with the goal of getting married and having a good family and social life. Aged between 35 and 50"

:lmao:

octobertiger
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25 Oct 2013, 4:41 pm

More of your spurious lies, Boo.

It actually says: "I lost my hungry hippos game on a Hamra Street bus last Wednesday. If you find it, please call the number below. You will be rewarded with a free goat kebab".

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Oct 2013, 4:43 pm

You're just desperate for kebab, tiger.

octobertiger
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25 Oct 2013, 4:45 pm

Too effing right. Can I have a kebab?

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Oct 2013, 4:57 pm

If you don't mind cannibalism, I can give you tiger kebab.

octobertiger
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25 Oct 2013, 5:00 pm

You can go and f*** yourself, ahem, let's just be friends.

lost561
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25 Oct 2013, 5:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You really should move to here, lost, I saw that ad on the newspaper:

"A lady in her thirties, beautiful and well cultured, seeking for a Christian Lebanese man with good morals and high status, with the goal of getting married and having a good family and social life. Aged between 35 and 50"

:lmao:

I wouldn't need that ad. I would be viewed as an exotic animal over there and women would love me because of my blonde hair and blue eyes.

octobertiger
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25 Oct 2013, 5:08 pm

lost561 wrote:

I wouldn't need that ad. I would be viewed as an exotic animal over there and women would love me because of my blonde hair and blue eyes.

And target practice for extremists.

leafplant
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25 Oct 2013, 5:09 pm

@ lost women will look at your blond hair, blue eyes and US passport and see dollar signs. I am guessing that if you don't have the money, your looks will not be of much value there.

Stalk
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25 Oct 2013, 5:30 pm

Geekonychus wrote:

nice, it helps if both are open. It just doesn't seem to be that way currently.

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