Beta males - why do woman dislike them?

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Ferrus91
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03 Sep 2015, 12:52 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:

Also, I never said anything about you driving. While cars are important to some girls and grown ladies too, for the most part the car the guy drives, or if he even drives, stopped being important after about high school. The area I live in requires a car to get around because we have no public transportation at all, but lots of people don't have cars and just get rides from friends of their significant other. Where did this driving business come in?

My youngest son doesn't drive yet. I've tried to teach him and it's HELL. Other people have too and it's HELL. HE's learned a little here and there and I'm sure will learn one day when he finds somebody he clicks with that way in the driver's seat but as of now, he's 20 and doesn't drive. His girlfriend drives him where they need to go and he gets a ride with a friend to work. He's the one I think may have a little AS like I do, except he's pretty social. His is other things, not so much not being able to socialize but lots of things I eventually noticed about him and thought back on much after I got my dx when I was middle aged. He's just too scared in the driver's seat. He can drive and has driven when somebody was sick or his ride got drunk or there was another emergency but he's NOT a driver and knows it. We just pretend he chooses not to in front of him so he doesn't get all pissy about it. He really doesn't know how very well and nobody will teach him because he b*****s and yells and this and that and no matter how you tell him to do it you told him wrong, yaddah yaddah. He's usually a very nice guy and gets along with people but he can be extremely bitchy and extremely negative.

So, he doesn't drive and has a gf he lives with and a job and pays the bills and all that. Not driving doesn't make you anything except not a driver, and unable to buy Sudafed in this town because they won't take state ID, only drivers license.

Who said something about driving?

I know, it was an example a lot of people bring up that seems a similar issue to me.

The irony is, I don't need a car as I live in the UK where I can get around using the extensive train system (the timetables of which I have memorised, of course, I say with a hollow laugh), and even travel a lot around Europe by train and air - and the walking I do as a consequence has kept me a lot thinner and in better shape than I otherwise would be and save money. So there is actually little practical reason for me to drive except the social kudos that would come with that and as you say the notion of being 'grown up' and a useful adult. If I did learn to drive it would be almost entirely for the purpose of trying to if not impress women, to at least be moderately acceptable to them... which is why I raise it, as it comes under the same category for me. But then I'm conflicted - is it a good idea to do it solely for this purpose or not, given the outcome is (to say the least) difficult to judge for certain? And it does feel like an awful long list of things I have to do before I am even considered, which then makes me wonder if it is even worth the effort. Although there are plenty of people willing to tell me, unless I do, my life will inevitably be horrible, I'd have a terrible old age, my life will be wasted etc.

I suppose in this case the real answer is moving to London, where no one drives, which is something I passed up recently.

Earthling
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03 Sep 2015, 1:49 pm

@thread
(First) impressions and logic.
The End.

kraftiekortie
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03 Sep 2015, 2:09 pm

It's always nice when other posters understand what you've posted.

trayder
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03 Sep 2015, 6:04 pm

Ferrus91 wrote:

OliveOilMom wrote:

Not an easy issue and one with no real resolution to be honest. However, one can but try.

Earthling
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04 Sep 2015, 4:22 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

It's always nice when other posters understand what you've posted.

I've realized that my post is BS. Please ignore it.

But this thread is a f*****g gold nugget. So interesting.

Catlover5
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05 Sep 2015, 11:45 am

314pe wrote:

Catlover5 wrote:

It's important to remember that every female is different. Everyone has their own "type". Yes, there are some women who just want a stinking rich sugar daddy or a wall-to-wall-muscles-washboard-abs hunk but those kinds of women are not good to be in relationships with because they don't love you as a person, they just want you for your "good bits". There are women who do like "beta males", but there's much more to loving someone than that, it's just another stupid "stereotype". No matter what, both people in a relationship should love the other person for who they are. If not, they shouldn't even bother with each other.

Yes, absolutely all men have exactly the same potential to succeed at dating.

I can't tell whether this is sarcasm or not, but either way that wasn't my point, because of course not all men have the same potential to succeed when it comes to dating. Men with e.g. bad hygiene, dirty clothes, body odour, bad breath and who don't take care of their appearance are unlikely to get dates because those are instant turn-offs for women. What I was saying was that I think all of the alpha and beta stuff is crap. Branding people based on their characteristics is stupid. It's all about the person on the inside. Relationships should be about loving the person, not just their beautiful parts.

JNathanK
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05 Sep 2015, 12:43 pm

I think good posture and smiling and confidence are all important things to work on, but I dont see any need to classify or categorize them into a type. Instead just work on that more.

auntblabby
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05 Sep 2015, 12:46 pm

JNathanK wrote:

I think good posture and smiling and confidence are all important things to work on, but I dont see any need to classify or categorize them into a type. Instead just work on that more.

but that is just a fragile façade unless one has something to back them up. :idea:

BeyondLogic
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06 Sep 2015, 2:30 am

The only guy I ever seriously dated was a beta and I found it to be problematic. There were a few times in our relationship when other males were being disrespectful towards me and sometimes being kind of predatory. My beta bf could not even stand up to these guys or help me out in these situations! It was very disappointing. A girl wants a guy that can protect her from other men and stand up for her if needed.

Also at the moment, there is a beta guy who is VERY interested in me. Something about his desperation and pushiness is a major turn off. It's some kind of natural instinct where I feel repulsed by desperate behavior(Not sure if all women are like this though). To go along with it, he's also very unkempt-looking and slightly overweight.

Not to say that this is how all betas are! My first bf was very tidy and pretty good-looking, but I'm just giving my own experience to help give other guys an idea of what turns me off being a woman. Not all women are the same of course.

auntblabby
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06 Sep 2015, 2:40 am

if I was still in the market for a mate, I'd want one fully capable of taking care of themselves without me having to protect them.

Spiderpig
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06 Sep 2015, 3:20 am

Spiderpig wrote:

I'm pretty sure a smart woman still prefers a partner who can beat the s**t out of a stranger coming to make trouble, to one who would instead get his ass handed to him.

Beatings speak louder than words.

voleregard wrote:

Holly (at dinner party celebrating her acceptance into grad school in Applied Psycho-Neurobiology): "Thank you so much for this lovely reception. I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Grog."

Grog: "Ungh."

Amber (Party host): "So Grog, what do you think about Holly's early findings that increasing endoribonuclease L expression in C2C12 myogenic cells during their multipotency phase favors their adipogenic potential?

Grog: "Ughh. Where beer?"

Amber: <points off to the left>
<affectionately watches Grog amble toward the beer, knocking lots of thin, intelligent-looking people out of his way with his shoulders.>
<whispers to Holly:> "He's so dreamy, Holly. I bet he's real handy in all those dive bars, pool halls, and back alleys where you like to hang out. I'd like one just like him, but I bet they're all taken."

Holly: "Yeah, he can really beat the sh*t out of criminals. When we talk about my research and he grunts his reply, I know it's like talking to a dog about nuclear medicine, but I know I'll be safe and our children will be strong dominators. What's important is that my children will fulfill my dreams for them of being able to play football really well and be able to beat up every other kid on the playground. Because we both know that survival is what means most to us women."

Amber: "You're so right, Holly." <looks back toward Grog. sighs in envy at Amber's great catch. walks off toward beer.> "Oh, Grog, I have another question for you…"

Straw men and jokes aside, here's y'all an example of what I meant:

BeyondLogic wrote:

_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.

x_amount_of_words
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06 Sep 2015, 3:22 am

I'm a beta women and I like beta men. I think women not liking beta men can probably be explained scientifically. Women go for the alpha male because it makes them the alpha female by association. Well, that's probably one reason. That's one thing I've noticed by observing people but I may just not know what I'm talking about.

Humans are dumb but they're just animals so I guess they can't help it :mrgreen:

Spiderpig
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06 Sep 2015, 3:34 am

trayder wrote:

I think it depends on the situation. I would rather my partner appreciated me for whom I am. As a rule, I will try and avoid trouble at any cost as force should be a last resort.

But if the situation requires that I use force to subdue someone Ill use it. Clubbing is my thing and I like my beer.I dont like force, I dont like using it randomly but then again in some situations you have no choice.

So, last resort or not, there's no question you'd better be able to physically overpower any other man who might approach your girlfriend or make her uncomfortable. Otherwise, they will subdue you.

I really wish I had been brought up with this simple fact of life in mind. It took me a lot of years to figure it out and now it's far too late to do much about it.

auntblabby
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06 Sep 2015, 3:36 am

I knew about that early on but never had the genes to be quick enough, strong enough, mean enough, clever enough.

Spiderpig
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06 Sep 2015, 3:42 am

x_amount_of_words wrote:

Humans are dumb but they're just animals so I guess they can't help it :mrgreen:

I used to make that kind of insulting remarks about people more powerful than me---presumably alphas---I didn't like when they couldn't hear me, even using it as a way to bond with other low-status people like me. Then I learned it's cowardly and you really should either not say it or think it at all, and act consistently with your thoughts, or say it to their faces so they can respond the way they see fit, which will usually involve using their high status and power to put you in your place---for example, beating you up.

BeyondLogic
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06 Sep 2015, 3:54 am

I think my previous post may have made it seem like I was completely dissing beta males. I'd like to point out that I'd be more than willing to date another beta male and by far the best trait that betas seem to have is intelligence, which I think is very important. In fact, the only reason why I was thinking that I might need an alpha male is for protection from other alpha males ha! Interesting.

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