As a guy ~

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I feel people should be able to figure out if something is directed at them or not without direct quoting.

I feel people should be able to figure out if something is directed at them or not without direct quoting. Sure, it makes it less likely that I would recognize that I'm addressed, but then it also makes it easier to ignore things I don't want to respond to.

Foe that matter, how am I supposed to be more considerate in my expressions when all I get told is to shut up & go away?

I'm going to stay away from everyone until someone actually wants to see me. If you hate my style as much as the next person JUST TELL ME & I'll be sure to avoid you too.

If you want to communicate better then keep that in mind. If you don't care to communicate better then just keep complaining that you can't seem to get people to understand you. It's entirely up to you.

Yikes, don't look at a thread for a few days...

cberg -

Intelligence and passion about a subject, even when geeky has an attractiveness to it to certain people; genuinely. I do know of those you are talking about. I have a cousin that would agree with the statement I just made but if you were to try to engage her with that kind of conversation around her, you'd very quickly see her playing on her phone. There is a variety of different kinds of geeks, and I imagine those would be more receptive to other geeks even if it's not the same field. Geeks/ nerds are grand beings. They're the ones that make advances to our world in many categories, how is that not likeable?

I have no personal experience in whether women are generally ignoring the engineering world. It's male dominate but look at all the other works areas that use to be completely male driven, we've started to infiltrate but it takes time. The engineering field specifically may take more time as not only does it requires a certain kind of mind but also a personality from a female to be able to go into that world and be able to stand up to the sexism there. I will say that there does seem to be a lot of females that would prefer to just have a guy do something for her vs have him teach her how to do it. That won't be true of an independent type though.

As for fifasy's advice: if I was faced with a guy that did that I would inwardly groan and then RUN the other way. Especially if it were someone I just met. I can think of some people it might work on (like the cousin of mine I mentioned) but I don't think that's the type of people you're looking to make connections with. From what I've gathered it doesn't fit with your personality and I think trying to act as someone else would ultimately be detrimental for you.

If you've learned to be 'too shy' that means you can unlearn it you know. I'm not saying you're suddenly going to be able to make yourself into an extrovert though. Have you thought to try to interact with others with saying and acting how you might like someone to interact with you? I rarely know how to respond to people in person, so I found if I put myself in their shoes, I'm able to come up with something based upon how I'd want someone to react and talk with me. It doesn't always work but it's reduced my 'deer in headlights' moments.

cberg - Might I suggest you take some time to do something for yourself that makes you feel relaxed and happy/content and then try coming back to this? You appear to be pretty depressed right now, and depression can really mess with your head. Everything can seem worse, you're more apt to take things personally and that can make communicating that much more difficult.

Shyness is not learned. It's often part of being neurodiverse, and especially in the relationship area, NDs are supposed to be shy.

Also, ND women are just as shy as guys are, but it's less a problem for them since it is guys that are supposed to take initiative, and so we have all of these "advice" to guys that they should unlearn their shyness and become extrovert and comfortable with going up and talk to a woman they fancy. I'm not sure if this actually is good advice at all. First, many guys will not learn to do this in a way that looks natural, and so would be considered even weirder. Second, I suspect many compatible women don't like this "modus operandi" either, and so by learning it they reduce their chances of finding compatible partners.

8O Yeah. At least this time things lined up & it seems like a few friends & I all had a rough week at once.



Considering how many of these things I'm bound to get wrong, shouldn't I be concerned about misusing all this stuff in the first place? Can we start with my own misconceptions about whatever communication you may be referring to?

I mean honestly, considering some of the reactions I've been getting lately, my plan as it stands now is to get lost.

I wanted to use cost of living calculator to compare your city to mine so I can determine advice for you.

I think that other person was right that communicating with me is not a good idea. I just find you really hard to follow and the things you say are all vague and make little sense. I don't think I can help you at all, and honestly I don't think you really want help.

I'm not having a go Kara , this is just an observation.
You're are trying to educate someone about etiquette , basic politeness etc yet you use terms like "I think that other person was right". That can come across as rude if you were not aware.

And don't give up on talking to someone just because you think you can't help , just talking can help.

Shyness is not learned. It's often part of being neurodiverse, and especially in the relationship area, NDs are supposed to be shy.

Also, ND women are just as shy as guys are, but it's less a problem for them since it is guys that are supposed to take initiative, and so we have all of these "advice" to guys that they should unlearn their shyness and become extrovert and comfortable with going up and talk to a woman they fancy. I'm not sure if this actually is good advice at all. First, many guys will not learn to do this in a way that looks natural, and so would be considered even weirder. Second, I suspect many compatible women don't like this "modus operandi" either, and so by learning it they reduce their chances of finding compatible partners.

I guess I tend to forget my friends do at least know about this weird condition of mine. More than outright explanations of everything I do, I'd rather just make some parts of all this technology fun for people. Maybe it would help if I made that more of a 'choose your own adventure' format & contained it to some popular themes.

All I could think of to clear my head was work.

How is what I said rude? I didn't remember the name of the commenter who said that when I was making my comment, just that someone said that farther back in the thread, so that's how I referenced it when I was typing my response. What was wrong with how I said that that made it rude?