You can't win arguments with women?

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Pepe
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12 Mar 2021, 3:11 am

Rexi wrote:

Psychotherapists ask you if you actually want to work it out, before helping you in that direction and if they notice you don't because you changed your mind, no sense in forcing you to. One should not pretend and keep servicing their abuser thinking it will improve. An abuser will only change on their own volition and terms. She sounds like she's beyond repentance in terms of involvement with you. She knows what bothers you yet she does it especially to control you.

When there's no love and you logically know shes not the one for you and even emotionally start to see it, giving out of the emptiness of your soul will 1 not help her change, 2 encourage her foul behavior and 3 leave you torn with every gift you give. But maybe then youll be convinced to get out.

Then love is not enough. It takes two to tango and if only one does, it's not gonna convince the other by keeping that work up.

Just be real with her. If you don't want her, can't pretend you do.

You can only be in 'true' luv if both parties feel the same, otherwise, it is infatuation, limerence, or obsession.

r00tb33r
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12 Mar 2021, 3:18 am

...So is it this girl-become-woman?
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=320432&start=32#p7178939

RetroGamer87
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14 Mar 2021, 6:01 am

r00tb33r wrote:

...So is it this girl-become-woman?
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=320432&start=32#p7178939

No, that was a different girl.

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hurtloam
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14 Mar 2021, 6:59 am

How are you getting on? Have you thought about going for counseling for yourself to get some outside support? I know she won't go with you, but you're in a difficult situation and there's only so much support we can give here.

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14 Mar 2021, 8:19 am

hurtloam wrote:

She's been relatively peaceful for the last week. We've had arguments but no massive ones. She's been admitting that she has an anger problem. I told her that I think her anger comes from her anxiety and she agreed.

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hurtloam
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14 Mar 2021, 9:32 am

That's so good to hear.

Personally I respond better to advice if I feel like the other person has at least tried to understand where I'm coming from or how I'm feeling. Showing her that you understand she is feeling anxious may have helped her a bit.
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goldfish21
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14 Mar 2021, 1:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

It's moments like that when she's calm & rational that it may be a good idea to bring up the topic of some sort of couples counselling in order to better work through issues - best to talk about those sorts of things when no one is fired up and everyone is most receptive to that sort of constructive criticism.

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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

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15 Mar 2021, 4:39 am

goldfish21 wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Do you really believe they should be together?
He seems to me like a tired blue boy.

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Vito
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15 Mar 2021, 8:02 pm

Rexi wrote:

Do you really believe they should be together?
He seems to me like a tired blue boy.

When child is involved, it is a good idea to exhaust all reasonable options before going through a divorce. Marriage counselling sounds about right in that situation.

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RetroGamer87
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17 Mar 2021, 7:21 am

She's been a bit more reasonable but she's still done and said some bizzare and frustrating things. I'd drive myself crazy if I tried to list them all. I don't think this thread should just be a list of bad things she's done.

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kraftiekortie
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17 Mar 2021, 8:08 am

List the good things, then

goldfish21
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17 Mar 2021, 10:04 am

Vito wrote:

Rexi wrote:

Do you really believe they should be together?
He seems to me like a tired blue boy.

When child is involved, it is a good idea to exhaust all reasonable options before going through a divorce. Marriage counselling sounds about right in that situation.

Yep, agreed. And then IF it's determined that parting ways is the best and healthiest option for the child, then 100% for sure, make the split.

If there wasn't a child involved if I were retro I'd have already walked. But there is, so it complicates things. IF an improved relationship is possible And it's healthy for their daughter, ok cool. If not, well, splitsville it is.

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RetroGamer87
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18 Mar 2021, 6:54 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Well that was a stupid thing to say. It doesn't matter if she's being nice to me. What matters is that she keeps playing head games with me. I shouldn't have to deal with that.

I know some people here want me to dump her. Sure, it might be worth paying her back the $90,000 for the house. But that's not going to happen for a long time. She said she'd try to get the money from me after she bought her own house. She doesn't have an income and she's about to blow all her savings on buying a visa for her mother.

I feel like whether or not I separate from her makes no difference. Either way we'll be living in the same house. Either way we'll be sleeping in separate rooms. Every time I tell her I'm dumping her our lives go on exactly the same as they did before.

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RetroGamer87
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19 Mar 2021, 4:53 pm

She's driving me insane playing these awful children's songs on youtube music and spotify! She plays them every morning for baby. I wouldn't mind if it was some good children's music like songs from Disney movies bit it's the sort of music you get if you search for kids music on youtube.

I've tried to explain to her the difference between good quality children's music and poor quality children's music but she just doesn't get it. Now my daughter is going to grow up with poor taste in music.

Some people think they can make their kids into geniuses by exposing them to classical music from a very early age. I don't think that's actually true but at least I'd get some nice music to listen to. I'd rather wake up to Bach and Mozart than One Little Finger and Baby Shark.

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Rexi
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19 Mar 2021, 5:08 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

There's study music but it doesn't help for everyone. It just made me struggle more especially since i detest classical.

Contrary to belief, IQ isn't improved by music exposure. Some methods that could maybe used for babies is some mental interaction games and things that relax them and sensory experience, since meditation helps adults.

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RetroGamer87
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19 Mar 2021, 5:19 pm

Rexi wrote:

Contrary to belief, IQ isn't improved by music exposure.

She thinks IQ will be improved exposure to Baby Shark. I don't think she read those studies. Her argument is that exposure to music will raise the baby's IQ because "everyone knows that". She's uses that argument a lot. Every time she says some BS she says "It's true because everyone knows it".

That's not an argument! I'd rather argue with someone who uses actual arguments. She has no curiosity. She always fills in the gaps in her knowledge with assumption rather than trying to find out the answer to the question. This really makes me wonder why show chose a scientific field for her studies.

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