Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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I usually don't mean "all". Unfortunately, a combination of below-par communication skills and a despondent outlook on life in general hamper my ability to clearly say what I'm feeling. Part of it's that I have difficulty allowing myself to feel sad, so I convert it to anger a lot of the time. That's probably not part of the true me, as I wasn't like that as a young kid. I started putting on a façade in a feeble attempt to assimilate to the macho environment of working-class Queensland.

Anyway, when issues such as the topic of this thread, it takes a lot of effort to step back and look at it objectively, without being skewed by emotive gut reactions...

I am going to be me.. a bit more reserved but just me... I was too nice before and got walked over..... just going to have more respect for myself and will choose a bit better who I will be nice to and be more reserved...


I think of myself being overall a generally a nice guy, I usually have not much problems meeting women, just too many with attitudes and stuff... The same for guys out there.... I am not going to let that sort of thing deter me anyways.... It will just take finding that one person in spite of what is going on or how others are....

I loved my wife for going on 17 years like I loved no other.... she decides her boyfriend from her memories as a wild teenager is something more than us married for 17 years of being together... I lover her so much that I can let her go so she can be happy, in spite of me hurting... I will grow from this and move on.... I will eventually find another to love like no other, even better and moreso than the first time around with her....

In spite of what ever anyone says or does,,, it will take only meeting that one woman for me, in the meantime, I will become a better person because of circumstance...

Everyone else, whining about this or that.... that is not goign to do any good, need to learn from what you are currently experincing and do something about it...

I, in a general sense, love women. even if some of them iritate me, taken advantge of me, so on and so forth.... these sort of experiences I can use to learn from and become a better person...

Isn't it that we learn from our failures and shortcomings and not from our successes and strenghts?

I tend to go for the guy who isn't as self confident in general - I don't mix that well with overly confident people.

I don't mean I'm only attracted to people who wouldn't say boo to a goose - I just tend to find personally that people with high levels of self confidence 'think' they know you quickly - whereas people with slightly lower self confidence (like me!) take a while to get to know people properly. Perhaps huge generalisation there, but that is my personla findings, obviously other's may be different!

But yes, I know a couple of 'jerks' as the definition people have said on here I am very good friends with - but I'm not attracted to them.

Raikai

"But yes, I know a couple of 'jerks' as the definition people have said on here I am very good friends with"

someone mention me?

@ Tom -

No, of course not! Why would I say that on a forum you could see it? No, I keep that PM's to other people - muahahahahaha!

Nah, not really! I know people a lot 'jerkier' (if that's a word) than you - from what I know of you you don't seem that 'jerkish'.

I was kind of thinking about another couple of guys who are two of my very best friends - they are really cocky, really good fun, and I think they're really funny. But I don't facncy them - mainly because of their 'cockiness', or whatever.

Ehheh - I won't mention any names cause some of them might come on here for all I know, lol!



Raikai

I think nice guys should be respected at the very least.

Do you know what happens when you punish someone for being nice? You steer them directly into violence. And you didn't like that before, did you? Maybe it's time for a change.

Incidentally, there's a concept in Christianity (not that I'm a follower) called 'blasphemy against the Holy Spirit,' an unforgivable sin, and if I'm correct, the Holy Spirit is a manifestation of God's lovingkindness...

I was born without a sense of humor and I have some bad dealings in the past with so-called "nice guys" and "geeks" and "nerds" in general. So I'm not counting on getting a guy in this lifetime. They'll be attracted to me yes, but I won't be attracted to them.

just my two penneth..
i'm a guy & i would describe myself as "nice" as in good-intentioned, but not simple..
i'm currently not even in the race lol .. in places i'm over-confident but not too much i think.. & i can be charming i think.. charming in an honest way i can't BS people very well thankfully..
as mentioned i'm out of the race, no job, no gf, no friends & generally not a lot but i'm not hurting anyone except myself..
i've already lost my train of thought.. maybe nice guys finish last because they don't quite have the "will" to destroy the competition, or maybe they just don't mind where they finish..
i achieve very little atm but i want IT.. in my case to be able to play music regularly with a band & to be respected for doing so.. one day
edit yay i'm now a "Butterfly" how cool
also noticed the "Asperger's is not a disease" Damn straight!! it's the next step in evolution methinks

does anyone think that extreamly shy, "nice" guys are actualy better for/nicer to a woman once he has her? Cause that's not in my experience somthing i've seen.

Way I think about it, it's better to a basterd in the beginning, in order to get to a possition where you can be truley kind. Rather than assume kindness is rewarded and become a real basterd when it isn't.

I've definitely seen most women prefer jerks, or at least prefer an "exciting jerk" to "nice but boring." They only want the nice guy as a friend.
There was a perfect line in the animated Wonder Woman movie (when the pilot found out WW's mother had an affair with the god of war.)
"That's just like a woman. If there was a god of dependability she'd be like 'yeah, I just see you as a friend' but god of war it's like 'hey, you're cute."

i think nice guys are nice, or at the very least i think i'm nice & will always be.. i'm not nice to impress people. i try to be respectful &honourable in ALL that i do & for no other reason than i think it's the right thing to do.

Women love the sweet guys, true. But it's like anything: moderation is key. A woman won't stand for a guy being sensitive and wimpy all the time any more than she would stand for a macho a**hole all the time either.

In other words: be a full human being. Don't think binary.

That's not fair. Isn't pain bad?

Also,

Sensitive ≠ Wimpy.

I love women, but I'd lose a lot of respect for them if they actually rewarded men for being unkind (rather than 'taming' them at the very least). It would be utterly repulsive to me to see the same sex that nurses and coddles its young create villains to torture the less fortunate.

Not to be rude, but wouldn't you girls agree that rewarding men for being cruel is highly dangerous?

Women need a guy that can protect them, that is why they chose the guys that dont care, and seems strong. But when they have that protection they want the guys besides giving them a secure environment to share their feelings with them and to understand them. But if you have a good job and a nice house and don't feel scared in your everyday environment you will have protection traits in you.

Women tend to hit on me all the time when they already have security in their lives, so most of my friends girlfriends hit on me because I can understand them. But if they don't have boyfriends I will not look that attractive.

That is why girls will go for the good guys later in life when the good guys will have a good job and safe environment. Girls are not mean they are just really clever.

Did I just sense a total contradiction in terms?

Edit: Sorry, I might have responded a little too soon. I will say that power and cruelty are two different traits, not to be confused by the women I love. This is another mistake that Nietzsche appears to make, too: the false predication of being a 'bird of prey' upon merely being strong.

It makes perfect sense I am talking about men who don't care about what the people around them thinks of them and therefor fells safe and satisfied. And the women loves that kind of guys.

Go to a place with a lot of people where some women have never been before and look happy and calm and those women will be all over you. Because you offer them security.