FWB relationships - your opinion?

Post Reply New Topic

During the talk about stats, the thought occurred to me...


...because the divorce rate is so high and relationships just keep getting shorter and shorter, people dumping each other at the drop of a hat... it sounds like the generation younger than me have simply given up on the whole idea of pair-bonding completely. They figure it's doomed to fail, so why bother? Boink anything you want - there's no such thing as love.

In fact, a few old workmates flat-out told me that was their opinion. When I had an opposing view, he just scoffed and said, "dreamer" as he walked away with his nose in the air.

I feel sad for them... much of an entire generation who don't believe in love and either hook up for personal sexual gratification, or still get married purely for the immediate financial benefits as well as the divorce money (yeah, I know, can of worms there... but that's what some do.)


I wish they could understand what they were missing out on... love is real and it's so much bigger... but it also involves the work of maintaining a strong relationship, including forgiveness, tolerance, compromise, etc... too much to ask of someone who's narcissistic.

Oh, so if you no longer being loved by the other party in a relationship then it's just the end? You don't end up hurt just because it's a relationship? It gives that much immunity against being hurt while FWB doesn't?
:confused:

Bluemax, tell her.....

At least once they break up it prevents more hurt feelings and at least in relationships you are allowed to love the other person and perhaps grow old together if that's the concept of love to you. I take the choice where I can love my partner without worry of "ruining" a friendship if it were FWB. But just because I feel this way doesn't mean you should change my opinion. You don't have to understand me. This is simply what I feel. Let's leave it at that,now. I have many other people who feel the same as me including my current partner, so I am darn happy.

I am not trying to change your opinion, you're putting words in my mouth now.

I was asking, why a relationship would give you a immunity against being hurt while FWB doesn't.

All I am saying, that one might ends up hurt a lot in a relationship, it's not the same case as FWB but it might hurt even worse.

I'm saying that for ME it would hurt most, sorry if I forgot to put that it's a personal thing for me. I keep forgetting that you guys are implying that I'm talking about everyone when I'm talking about ME. That's YOU. But I'm ME. Get it?

Have YOU ever experienced a...rejection? A break up? being cheated on?

That's not always true. A lot of people who aren't wired for commitment or monogamy end up in "committed" relationships due to social or family pressure. Just because it's a so-called committed relationship does not mean that the expectations are clear or that both parties feel the same way. My theory explains why 50% of marriages end in divorce and 1/5 involve cheating. I also know many people who are unhappy but stuck in non-marriage committed relationships for a variety of reasons. FWB avoids the issue of getting stuck or getting entangled.

A high % of the population is not wired for monogamy. The facts of the real world do not lie.

Not everyone is wired for this. I think what's happening with the "younger generation" is that people are casting off social pressures that formerly forced people into committed relationships and marriages for which they were not wired.

Which is why, in your generation, you had rampant divorce, cheating, and domestic violence. In my generation--and especially among those who are a few years younger than me--kids just don't get married or committed -- which avoids a lot of these problems.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 15 May 2013, 2:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

BTW , I said it's for me. In MY relationships, the expectations are clearly understood. I would not enter one if that wasn't so. So being in a relationship is perfectly suited for me. I never said this applied to everyone. Remember, this is my opinion based on my experience.

Ok, that's fine. I was defending you, not planning to argue with you, until I saw this:



You made generalizations on what a "typical" FWB relationship is and why it's bad. Then, you cited a bunch of statistics to back up your claims.

If you were only referring to your own preferences, you would not be making generalizations about a "typical" FWB relationship or trying to quote statistics. Preferences are just that, preferences. You don't have to quote statistics to discuss your personal preferences. To do so is to implicitly judge others.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 15 May 2013, 2:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Why OFCOURSE I have. I have been trampled on a good amount of times and had my heart broken a lot. But how does this apply?

Yep, sometimes the other person lied about being faithful or tried to hurt me on purpose. It means those kind of people were probably not into being in a relationship that we both agreed to when it was decided to be a couple. But just because this happened doesn't mean I will give up on love or finding the right person to be in a loving relationship with. I know this world does have honest people in them who share the same values and ideas as me or the next person looking for a relationship. If this was a world were love didn't exist(but in my opinion it does), then there would be no purpse for intimacy(in my opinion). But let's not diverge further. You know my views and now I know yours.

Did it perhaps cross your mind that I already said it was based on my observations of the people around me? I cleared that up earlier by saying it was my mistake for saying "typical" without providing back-up and I offered at least some back up to show how there is a bit of a correlation with what I observed and in soime studies. And the research does show indeed that people do expereince issues with it in the majority percentage which is why I showed it. Back-up is still back-up and the research actually does show a correlation, so what's the problem? What if I believe in the statistics more than your opinion on the matter? Then there should be no discussion left over.

And even if both parties into monogamy, it doesn't guarantee that both parties would love each other and stay together forever...
One might suddenly stop loving the other for variety of reasons, love doesn't always conquer all.
(they love you in one day, they hate you in the next day - typically the woman does that, oh I am stereotyping here, God forbids).

I know two real life cases, my bro' friend got married with a Brazilian woman, he met her while he temporarily worked there, they were so in love and both have fought for 2 years their families so they can be together and live in Lebanon (because he has a good career here while she doesn't). They eventually got married on the previous May, she went back last Christmas to Brazil saying she wanna see her parents, she didn't come back ever since, it turned out she didn't like the country, missed her parents and she no longer loves him as she said, she already got a bf while issuing a divorce.
Two years of fighting for love yet it ends up like this and so fast?? She didn't even negotiate with him the possibility to live in Brazil!

Another case, a middle-aged man, a friend of mine and a work partner online (a bank branch manager) , he met a Romanian woman of same age, and exchanged tons emails and voice chat, he went like dozens of times to her country every time he takes a vacation, she was like so in love with him that she's ready "to live with him anywhere" - that was a clear term, a clear expectation of her.
They got married after struggling distance, she went back to her country after a ONE month of marriage because she didn't like the place here.

Ok, I understand that a third-world country might sucks big time, but don't tell me that expectation and terms are always true.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 May 2013, 2:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

What do you know about my views on love and long term? I didn't say anything about this yet. You only know my views on FWB.

So you are engaging in double-speak. You're saying "it's just my personal preference" but then slyly implying that your way is better. If you were only expressing your personal opinion, you would not see the need to cite "research." "Research" is irrelevant to personal opinion. The fact that you did so indicates you are doing more than expressing a personal preference. You are trying to argue that your way is superior without admitting to doing so. If anyone comes back with arguments against your "research," you simply say "Oh, it's just my personal preference."

That puts you in a win-win situation no matter what. It's actually quite brilliant, in my opinion.

It's a form of obfuscation. Trust me, I'm in law school. I know all the tricks.

When did I ever say that it guarantees they will both love each other? I never said that. I even gave you examples of how I was heartbroken and betrayed. So now, you baffle me. Of course it doesn't always work out, but so what? As long as I am in a committed and loving relationship(and as long as the other person agrees to this understanding) is all I care about. Anyhow I have already expressed my opinion about this all. You have expressed yours. I think we should let other people express their opinion on the matter now without judgement.