How to use OKCupid (from an actual success story.)

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Dating sites like OkCupid are part of the reason why love is nonexistent.

Love is not nonexistent, it's just hard to find.

Every girl I've ever chatted with on okc has very low opinion about guys on okcupid; thinking of them as weirdos and losers, well they often told me I am 'exception' or like some put it 'normal so far' - but seriously my very presence there is anti-impressive because of that, by default you're being associated with those guys.

Not read everything, just the first and last page, but wanted to add a suggestion.

Don't make the dates about the two people going on the date. If you want to take the pressure off, make the date entirely about what you're doing on the date.

Like, I love Indian food and I honestly couldn't go out to eat indian food enough.

If I ever get around to using a dating site that's what I'd do. I'd advertise for cinema buddies, Indian food buddies, buddies for other activities and I would make a point right from the start to make it about the activities.

If something came from it that's good, but otherwise it's nothing serious, it's something casual and I would get something I want from EVERY SINGLE DATE, regardless of what I thought of the person I went out with.

And tbh that attitude is an attitude that really helps. You want a relationship and youll never get it, but aim for something else and you'd be surprised by how effective an approach that can be.

^ I agree with this and would like to question how flexible one should be about their likes and dislikes?

Frinstance - I really dislike Indian food. I mean I can eat it but I don't like it and it always makes me ill. Also, I really hate football (soccer for the American friends). I hate the noise and craziness that goes with it and wouldn't really want to date someone who is into it. People constantly tell me I should be more flexible about these things and just go and see if I like the person. To me this seems pointless as we'd clash constantly on these important points even if we got along like a house fire with everything else. i guess my point is that maybe people on the spectrum are less able to be tolerant and flexible than NTs and this is not always appreciated in the dating context?

Dont understand about the food. So you are not forced to eat the same stuff together. My partner doesnt like japan and seafood. So we either go to multi-asia restaurant, that have as well chinese, thai, vietnam foods for him, or we simply order each at separate restaurants, then its for me japanese and for him normally a pizza ^^, and then bring it home with us, and have a nice evening together.

If he has smelly food, like Pasta that is overall covered with that stinking Pseudo-Parmesan powder, he must accept to be eating 2 meters away from me, with an open window separating us. XD

If you are hating a sound from the television, only because of the meaning of it, while you can tolerate lots of other sounds of the same volume, I do agree that this must be based on you and your own expectations, so that what you hate, has to be hated by others as well, for them to be appreciated by you.

Personally, I need to have shared interest with my partner, to enjoy spending time with each other. But I dont mind some hobbies, that dont bother me, simply because it gives me as well the opportunity to do the interests on my own, that I do not share with him,

I imagined a Smeegel voice there, 'It Are Eeeeevvvvviiiiil'

I used to share a house with someone who had grown up living next door to a football stadium. He was frequently racially abused. I'll never forget the apoplectic rage he went into when he walked in and I was watching football. It went beyond the actual game, and went beyond sanity. He'd argue that it was evvvviilllll to the max, and the plaything of the BNP.

Because that's what associations are. Like the biting - like anything - and it doesn't have to have anything to do with logic. But people tend to live by these associations and think it's who they are - it's not.

Haha - yes, I might get 'wider point' tattooed on my knuckles, just to remind myself.

Aspergers - Yes, it is predominantly that. People wear me out. Today, my bro is on a course until this evening. I'm glad, because I don't have the energy for him and his aaaaaaaagh ways (bless him) and after being out last night, and partaking in much mirth in some of the region's more 'cosmopolitan' establishments, hehe. I'm sat here with a duvet, feeling worn out and sensitive... It's not always because people irritate me - sometimes they do, especially so-called professionals in my job, and cruelty, and unkindness - but I'm not that bad, really. I'm quite adaptable to 'doing things', like hours with a female friend or partner shopping for women's clothes in huge retail centres - and actually enjoying it and contributing. How many men are flexible enough to do that? (Of course, there are some things I am pig-headedly inflexible over) The telling thing is, I'll come back and be exhausted. I occasionally have some communication issues, and have a very poor regard for 'authority' - not that anyone would notice, mind!

Do I know what a happy relationship entails? I've had happy ones, yeah. But living with someone all the time in a relationship context - that's a different one, especially given the paragraph above. And because I'm pretty adaptable, which helps with happiness, it's now a bit tiresome if someone can't move a bit towards me a bit. I did meet someone exactly like that once, and I ended it - because it felt too good to be true. DUH! Back to that question - knowing isn't enough, and the proof of the pudding is in the marrying and living happily ever after...or something a little less syrupy! I cant believe I just wrote that...hehe

Your posts make me feel sad - maybe I shouldn't, but I do. Do you want to change? Do you even think you should? I just can't see how you're going to be with a man in a good relationship - maybe a man's not worth it! It would probably break a man's heart getting close to you?