Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

Post Reply New Topic

See...I don't believe either has a source. Not a material source, anyway. I think you choose your outlook on life. Maybe your perspective is colored by one or more experiences or some biological cause, but you can always be mindful of that and change how you look at thingd

I think this irks me because my Mum told me that my sister would get married before me because I'm deep and dark and men don't like that.

I've always been unlikable/unlikable. Even my own mother knows that. I seem to be genetically predisposed to be rubbish that no one wants.

Life Is a horrible thing filled with pain. I'm amazed that anyone could be happy really.

The sooner I get to shuffle off this mortal coil the better. I only stay alive for my sister. If she dies I'm done.

Still, I feel better when I'm in love. Life becomes worth living again. Those endorphins are good.

>.> no one, no one knows how the human brain works.
Look we have people who are born male but their brain is female. Yet you don't think people can have different ways of finding happiness.
It blows my mind how you acknowledge people are different in everything else but somehow the no eberyone shares the same way to happiness.
Sorry but nope. Some people get happiness from tinkering with computers or building model trains, while others get it from socially interacting with other humans. Much as I can't fathom how someone derived happiness from hobbies , I do acknowledge they have a different source of happiness then me. I could have billions of dollars, buy everything I'd dream of and I'd be no happier then I am today. I know this from experience hobbies and objects don't bring me lasting happiness, just brief excitement That's just not how I derive happiness, I get happy when spending time wth others, I'm a social happiness person. However I also shy and anxiety, so I need one person. I also need love and to share my love.

I really dislike being told by people who have a relationship to just be happy alone. Very very rarely do I hear that from single people.

Last edited by sly279 on 09 Aug 2017, 2:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's only for them, not for people like us apparently, we should just adopt to being happy without the chemical reaction that creates the feeling of happiness in our brain.
Next I'll turn iron into gold and grow wings and fly since we talking about impossible tasks.

Last edited by sly279 on 09 Aug 2017, 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

If you did that at my job site you'd be arrested.

My thoughts exactly. I can't stand it when people demand I be happy while single or while enduring any other undesired circumstance.

Sure I could just lie to the world and to myself and convince them and me that I'm happy but that would feel so phony.

I don't want to deny my negative feelings, they're a part of me. The only way to defeat them is by proving them wrong or eliminating the cause.

If your goal is to eliminate the sadness in your life than you must first acknowledge it, not deny it. No one ever won a war by pretending the enemy doesn't exist.

I like deep dark women. There's a pessimistic gloomy girl I was crushing on. Too bad she lives in Florida.

I can relate to people like that. We have a shared experience. When I talk to perpetually happy people it's like they're speaking some alien language. I can't relate to those people.

Depends on the enemy. Most often you really can ignore an opponent out of existence. It's your attention to them that gives them power, thus withdrawing it both emasculates them and infuriates them.

With war, if you find yourself in it, you have 3 choices. Absolute, crushing defeat. Attrition, and wait for the other guy to blink. And peace through surrender. First choice is preferable--end it in your own terms. Second choice is only a superficial victory in battle usually, a Pyrrhic victory that you lack the strength to repeat and thus end the conflict. Third choice means giving up. Peace on someone else's terms isn't much fun, you don't get what you want, but it's preferable to fighting on when you feel you can't win.

So...you can kick fear in the face, do what it takes to position yourself for a relationship, make any changes you need to make that happen. You can make NO changes at all, yet keep fighting a perpetual war that no one can win. Or you can admit you're not willing or able to do what it takes to get into a relationship, make peace with that, and put your energy into things that are more worthwhile for you.

I tend to use perpetual war/attrition interchangeably, but they aren't really the same thing. Perpetual war is really a fictional dystopian concept. The idea behind it is creating and maintaining a permanent underclass by using up resources rather than giving them to whoever actually needs them most, thus keeping one person or party in power with the underclass dependent on them for their survival. In our case, this means assigning blame to others for our lack of relational success (and thus our happiness). We can then justify our own misery and hopelessness because "they" did this to us. "They" are in control. "They" want me to change. I can do nothing but let the alpha male snatch up that one girl I'm crushing on.

Except... We don't live in the world of 1984. And this isn't Vietnam, either. There's no need to keep the war going. There's no enemy you really need to wear down. It's all a mind game. You make the choice to decisively end the war, to keep the war going, or to surrender. If surrender brings peace, it's not really a loss (think Weimar Republic before everything got screwed up. German leaders surrendered without any significant fighting on their homeland, sparing themselves the same destruction they'd inflicted on their enemies. They weren't so smart the 2nd time around, and look what happened to Berlin). We could have won Vietnam if we'd stayed the course, but at what cost? And if you go with perpetual war, does that solve your problems? No, but perpetual war gives
you a purpose, that being a reason to justify your own misery.

And those things are all in your mind. Change the mind game if you want different results.

For all you know, you still end up single for the rest of your life. The least you can do for yourself is give yourself more than one reason for living. Just a thought.

I guess I shouldn't go all total war. I don't want my life to be a warzone. I don't want my life to be 100% dedicated to any one cause because then I won't have time for anything else. Perhaps I should try to enjoy the journey rather than focus exclusively on the destination.

I've been chatting with a few girls on okcupid. Mostly 29 and 30 years. Girls my own age.

Is it normal that I'm most attracted to 20 year olds at my age?

20 year olds aren't attracted to me. I'm too old for them. That ship has sailed. Should have started dating when I was 20 or so.

20-23 old women have tended to be the only ones to message me. Women our age want real men who have good jobs and are career oriented or ambitious. But now I'm going be 30 soon
Also I've noticed most 18+ women want that stuff too now

It's totally normal. Leonardo dicaprio is close to 50, and I don't think he has ever dated a woman older than 25.

Do what you want buddy.

Having a stable job and my own place has made me a magnet for 30 year olds

Some of them are still pretty though.

Speaking of which, I've felt elated the whole day. Last night I asked out a charming Korean girl and she said yes. Who says girls can't make me happy

Awesome!