Women asking guys out?

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RetroGamer87
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18 Mar 2018, 8:35 pm

sly279 wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

RetroGamer87 wrote:

We don't want to be with just any woman. We have standards. We just want more choice so we can choose the right woman.

My hypothesis is that for those who have standards, they should do things to attract the right people, not do things to simply attract more people. Attracting "more women" doesn't necessarily put the right woman in that mix.

Is it really "more choice" that you want, or is it the right woman that you want? What if you were able to attract her and only her? You have no choice in that scenario, just her, so is that a bad outcome?

I guess that's not a bad outcome but I'm not sure how to attract the right kind of woman. So far, all of my efforts at self-improvement have only served to increase the quantity of women I attract but not the quality.

Atleast you attract women. You’ve had quite a few gfs and mor dates. It’s unavoiad that you’ll eventually find one that stays for long term.

You may be right Sly. I've got a date with a pretty Chinese girl tonight so I might now have a chance at finding a long-term parter. Wish me luck.

But if a slob like me can get dates what's stopping you? You're much nicer and more caring than I am so it should be easier for you than it is for me.

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AngryAngryAngry
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19 Mar 2018, 3:12 am

FYI chinese move fast into serious relationships.

The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Mar 2018, 4:19 am

^ Most Eastern women do.

Something that I encounter a lot, especially among the Muslim community (I noticed Christians take much more time):

Girl : <Complaining about being single and not finding a good match>

Me: Oh, ok, I hope you'll find someone soon.

*I bumped into her after a month*

Girl: Guess what? I got engaged! *showing ring*

Me (! !): Oh...ok, congrats? When how?

Girl: He asked for my hand last weekend, he's an amazing and successful guy!

*After a month* --> *Receiving Wedding invitation card*

magz
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19 Mar 2018, 4:40 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Wow, that would be viewed as totally irresponsible of her where I live!
But I remember a Russian remarking that Poles "marry late and rarely divorce", so I might be living on the opposite end of the spectrum.

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sly279
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19 Mar 2018, 4:12 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

We both know what’s stopping me. I don’t have and can’t have my life together in societies view. My job and car status.
Niceness doesn’t matter as much as income status. If women won’t rven talk to me or agree to a date they never know I’m nice and caring or romantic or any of the good about me.

The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Mar 2018, 3:31 pm

magz wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You may be surprised, but from my observation.....these fast-paced semi-arranged* marriages work the best, I dunno why. This one for instance has two kids now and she seems to be very happy, the guy is a doctor.

One friend theorized that probably parents are more experienced in matchmaking and character judgement and know what their daughter needs to be happy, and would screen the guys harshly on economical/status/character ground rather than emotional.

*screened by parents / the woman has the last say whether it's yes or no - if approved by the parents first.

AngelRho
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20 Mar 2018, 4:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

magz wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I’m highly in favor of this kind of arrangement.

AngelRho
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20 Mar 2018, 4:08 pm

There was a woman in here from India once who wanted to know how to make her husband love her.

From what I could glean from the conversation, probably what happened was the boy’s parents were reasonably well-off with a disabled kid. Dad probably wanted him to at least have had sex, be a man, etc. etc. and put this couple together. She hadn’t seen him much before the wedding, but she was 100% agreeable and wanted to love the guy. He was super sweet and everything. And not long after the wedding night he left her and ran back home to his dad.

It sounds to me like they were really just hiring her as a prostitute, without actually buying a prostitute. The last I saw of her I was heavily encouraging her to work through their legal system. She didn’t want to do that, and that was that. Never saw her on WP again.

So...yes, I do think arranged marriages are best and I would enjoy working alongside my children and in-laws to make something happen. But this also assumes the best of everyone when reality has people much less honorably intentioned.

Aniihya
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20 Mar 2018, 4:21 pm

So far the only women who asked me out so far were creepy stalkers. I always get the weird ones.

The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Mar 2018, 4:22 pm

AngelRho wrote:

We can never know what happened in that night , if he really just wanted sex then why would he do it only once?

If he's disabled then most probably it was his first sexual experience and found out he is incapable to have sex, this probably broke this spirit. Or maybe she was disgusted by him.

AngelRho
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20 Mar 2018, 4:51 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

AngelRho wrote:

I don't think HE wanted it. I think it had more to do with his father, perhaps trying to "turn him into a man," and there might have been some kind of social expectations involved as well.

Yes, pure speculation, but just based on her story that's what I concluded. I think he had pressure to get married and punked out after the honeymoon. If I get a chance, I'll see if I can find that thread. It was interesting.

Spiderpig
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20 Mar 2018, 8:29 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:

Spiderpig wrote:

Your point being … that heterosexual men suck?

Not at all. My point was mostly tongue-in-cheek, but I do find it amusing how some men on here will go on and on about how frustrating, picky, and annoying women are, but immediately get the vapors when anyone dares suggest that men aren't necessarily a divine gift, either.

Maybe some will, but here I saw the very specific point of having a choice versus having no choice at all. I don’t think there can logically be any doubt that the former situation is strictly better than the latter, regardless of what may or may not come later. Unsurprisingly, I saw this point systematically ignored, but never refuted.

I don’t even claim to know “who has it better” at large, but refusing to accept such a simple truth doesn’t look like a good sign for any kind of debate to me.

XFilesGeek wrote:

Quote:

But it you don’t attract somebody in the first place, there’s no hell of a lot for you—you stay at square one. No progress, no experience, no learning. To me, this makes a hell of a lot of a difference.

Uh-huh, but, as I've stated countless times before, if the "relationship" aspect never takes off, you're not in a much better position.

That’s a second “if”. If you attract someone in the first place, the relationship may or may not take off; if you don’t, you are certain to have no relationship at all. I don’t see any way the latter can be an improvement on the former.

XFilesGeek wrote:

And, as I continue to reiterate, be it through culture, biology, or both, men and women have different reproductive roles, and, therefore, want different things. You can give me 50 bowls of chocolate ice cream, but, seeing as how I hate chocolate ice cream, it's not going to make me "happy." Screaming at me that, "At least you got ice cream!" is a waste of time for both of us.

My "meta-point" is that the "who has it easier" debate is stupid, and I think certain individuals would do well to invest their time into more productive things than incessantly trying to "prove" how "easy" we chicks have it.

And the point still stands that you’re not getting anywhere as far as romantic relationships or sex are concerned if you never attain the first step of attracting someone. If you do attract someone, you’re at least one step ahead, and at best a lot better. Attracting someone is a necessary condition; there’s no way you can be better off by not meeting it.

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Spiderpig
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20 Mar 2018, 8:42 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:

There are some men in this forum who have indicated they would be happy with any woman, with any type of interest, etc. I get it, they want *something*. But for a man to say women are luckier to get this *something*, just because that man would be happy with it, makes little sense.

When you’re used to having zero options, you don’t learn to be picky—you learn you can’t afford any pickiness and, in fact, you don’t develop your potential standards, because you get no experience to base them on.

yellowtamarin wrote:

Is each individual getting their individual wants met - that is the more important thing to explore, IMO. (And of course, what might be the best solution for each individual, if they're not.)

The best solution for someone with no realistic hope of ever getting a chance, and who suddenly finds one, no matter how horrible, is to grab it at any price, since it’d be foolish to expect a second instance of such an unlikely event. The more options you have, the more leverage to get your way, and hence the better your best solution will be for you. At the opposite end of the scale, the best solution for you will still suck big time, and you need to be very grateful for it anyway, because any other would be even worse, by definition.

yellowtamarin
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20 Mar 2018, 9:02 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

I don't understand how grabbing something horrible can be a better solution than not grabbing something horrible.

If all you want or need at this point is "anyone / experience / a chance", then surely it's not horrible, else why would you want it?

You're suggesting having a horrible experience is better than not having that experience. I think I sort of get what you're saying, but I challenge the idea that you would pay "any price" to improve your situation. It's kind of an oxymoron. Would you make your life worse in order to make your life better? How is that even possible?

Spiderpig
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20 Mar 2018, 9:06 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:

A few years ago, I was in Las Vegas on a military training exercise.

A few of my buddies and I decided to go out on the strip, and we were joined by some other people from different squadrons. There was this one guy who kept kissing me, hanging on me, and throwing his arm around me. Me, not being very practiced at fending off male attention (a fact I suspect he sensed), just tried to stay away from him, but the more I attempted to avoid him, the more he continued. Finally, at the end of the night, I caught a cab back to my hotel room, and went to bed. About two hours later, I heard the door open, and my roommate's voice.

She brought the same guy back to our room. :evil:

She immediately leaves to go get ice, while leaving this idiot alone with me. I tried to go back to sleep, but he actually crawls into bed with me and started kissing me! I finally yelled at him to leave me the hell alone, which he found very funny, but, by that time, my roommate had returned, and he occupied himself with her for the rest of the night.

My point: the typical Wrong Planet guy would read my experience and reply, "So what? If a woman had done that to me, I'd feel FLATTERED and VALIDATED that she was paying attention to me! You girls have it SSOOO easy!"

The Logic being, of course, that since he, as a man, would've enjoyed it, I, as a woman, should've too. Unfortunately, at this point, I doubt there will ever being a shortage of men on here who are going to wag their finger in female's faces, and lecture us about our life experience as well as how we're supposed to feel about them.

As already pointed out, that’s a blatant straw man.

I fully accept harassment and rape must suck, and that it’s regrettable that most women have to undergo those experiences, but this is not what was being discussed here. The only logic here is that the guy’s behavior is evidence that he was sexually attracted to you, so it is certainly a validation that you aren’t completely devoid of attractiveness, like many of us seem to be. It’s not a matter of what you feel, let alone what you should feel; just a fact, which probably means nothing to you, but would mean an awful lot to someone like me, simply because I’ve never seen any evidence that I can attract anyone. I have no problem admitting I’d probably focus less on this if I were afraid of attracting someone who would physically harm me, but, in my case, it seems just about the most unfounded possible fear I could have, because all evidence suggests that the last thing anyone approaching me wants is anything sexual.

Spiderpig
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20 Mar 2018, 9:25 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:

Spiderpig wrote:

Yeah, anything can be made absurd by playing with the meanings of words. What you’re doing with the term horrible isn’t very far from the classic,

Quote:

A feather is light.
What is light can’t be dark.
Therefore, a feather can’t be dark.

Short answer – You know just because an option is horrible doesn’t mean the others can’t be even worse, don’t you?

I’m certainly willing to give up everything else in life and subject myself to the most horrible torment imaginable if in exchange I get to have children and give them a reasonable chance of succeeding in life, so I avoid the complete failure as a living being I seem hopelessly sentenced to, i.e., I get to perpetuate my genes, rather than letting them be weeded out. I don’t care about anything else at all.

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