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trollcatman
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15 Jul 2014, 2:35 pm

Laddo wrote:
L&D and Adult Autism Issues is rapidly turning into some sort of battleground where certain members attack other members for having a different opinion to theirs


As far a I know Love and Hating has always been like this.



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15 Jul 2014, 2:47 pm

starvingartist wrote:
Laddo wrote:
This is getting so out of hand. I think there's a huge case here of both sexes not quite understanding how the other's mind works and making assumptions based on past personal experience. It's not all that surprising considering most of us on this forum have some difficulty understanding other people in general. Before anyone of either gender flares up at me, I'm talking about both men and women here. That's why these "man vs woman" threads get anywhere: people get pissed off with each other, things escalate and by the end of it, no one even bothers trying to understand the other side because their judgement has become clouded. I still say that co-operation between the sexes would be a much better solution that all these borderline flame wars.


you have contributed to this, at least against me, by intentionally misquoting me in another thread and then being extremely rude and insulting and calling me a man-hater for using the word "dick" when i never did, and then not apologising when i pointed out to you that you were insulting me for something i never even said. take your own advice and stop projecting your own issues onto people that haven't even said the things you're getting so angry at them for.


Sigh... Actually you implied several times I was immature and need to grow up, which is pretty damn rude, whereas I only began to get rude after you repeatedly failed to read any of my comments and preferred instead to make assumptions. Also, I didn't call you a man-hater for using the word dick, so stop making assumptions. I explained several times that your post came across as putting the OP of that particular post down while simultaneously complaining about his less-than-flattering description of his girlfriend's vagina. I did contribute, yes, but I backed down as my mind was somewhat changed. You appear to be making yet more assumptions about me by presuming I'm projecting my own issues that I was apparently getting angry for. You should also notice that I have backed down from this man-vs-woman war because I think it's absolutely stupid and pointless and doesn't get anyone anywhere. Obviously you seem very keen to endlessly carry it on so I'm just going to not bother acknowledging anything you say from now on.


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15 Jul 2014, 2:55 pm

OP has an unsavory habit of lending undue pessimism to this board. Try not to blame yourselves.


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Last edited by cberg on 16 Jul 2014, 2:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jul 2014, 3:04 pm

Why the first name "Dick" even exists in America/UK, that always has boggled my mind, is it prounounced any differently from dick aka penis?



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15 Jul 2014, 3:06 pm

marshall wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
KB8CWB wrote:
Looking back, one of the main reasons I married (2x) was to "fit in" with my peers. Yes it can be nice having a partner to do things with but never really worked out that well for me. Seems between my poor communication skills, shyness, and being a bad judge of character led me into rather poor relationships. Both I had married had their issues, as well as I have issues. They fell apart mainly due to my poor communication skills, and hating the general social life. I kept getting drug off to family events and basically being shunned because I evidently come across as odd. After so long putting up with the looks, glances, and whispers I just stopped attending them and stayed at home. Made things even worse but I don't deal with crowds well and the noise and over stimulation that comes with them. To be honest, there were many other issues however they don't apply here at WP and probably nothing unusual about them anyway.

Initially both my partners and I got along well. I am a very thoughtful romantic and they loved the attention. I was a thoughtful lover as well making sure they were pleased. But to be honest, sex did NOTHING for me. No, I am not gay I am very hetro just the sex thing never did anything for me. I like shared activities, cuddling, sharing time together, etc. But after awhile they put 2 + 2 together and noticed I really didn't desire them in a sexual way. That put some real strains on the relationships as well. They took my lack of interest as something personal, not just due to my lack of desire for anyone. At the time I didn't realize there was a label as such for it however now I know I am an asexual hetro romantic. Also I was undiagnosed at the time so my seemingly odd behaviour just added fuel to the fire I suppose.

Am I opposed to another relationship? NO as long as knowing what I do now would be acceptable to the lady (doubtful). I plan on traveling extensively in the near future being what is called a full-timer bumming about the country in a motor home. Find a nice place and stay awhile until I became bored with it or the weather got such that I wanted a warmer clime. Then too, not many would put up with my hobbies and I don't plan on giving them up. I like my alone time to pursue what interests me and to be happy I require this alone time. When you start adding all of this up, it is pretty clear I am best being alone.

Worse yet, being a poor judge of character I doubt I would do any better today choosing a suitable partner as I did them. Don't get me wrong, the companionship would be nice I just don't see it happening. My best bet is just to get another dog I suppose as my last two passed 3+ years ago. And NO, I am not trying to compare a lady to a dog. Just in my case I think it would be a wiser choice.

Image



I envy you.
I am hetero certainly not asexual, chronically single, but I have always wondered about my desire of having it with someone. I am completely sexually functional but I have never had the urge to pay for it to an escort, like a lot of guys. I am not sure what's the exact label for that, if there's any.


You shouldn't be so envious. It sucks to be rejected for being asexual. A lot of women DO take it personally if you are not physically attracted, and that leads to ME taking it personally as well. From now on I refuse to ever date someone that isn't okay with me being sexually different right from the start. The internet and existence of asexual sites is making it easier, but it sucks that I've only figured this thing out now that I'm 34. Sexual attraction is pointless to me now that the only people I'm even vaguely attracted to physically are way too young for me. I'm not going to date 18-22 year old girls. I need someone more rather than less mature than me.


I got envious of him because he found his peace of mind by having a dog at the end after experiencing everything in relationships.



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15 Jul 2014, 3:11 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why the first name "Dick" even exists in America/UK, that always has boggled my mind, is it prounounced any differently from dick aka penis?


Perhaps because the term "Dick" is slang. It is also a name or a shortened version of Richard. Kind of like the name "Smith" also refers to one who works with metals like a Black Smith, etc. Perhaps the first person to be a "Dick" was a really screwed person. Just like Benedict is derogatory referring to Benedict Arnold who was an American general who defected to the British. Hence it is also a derogatory term now. Who knows? The English language is one of the most convoluted languages on the planet... :lol:



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15 Jul 2014, 3:42 pm

starvingartist wrote:
the ones who lash out with extreme violence, perhaps. what about all the guys on the street who hoot and holler at women and then call them a b***h for not responding positively to their attention? is every single one of those guys (and there are TONNES, take my word for it) "very unhinged"? or all the guys that try to start conversations with lone women on buses/the subway/etc only to react with name-calling, anger, jeering, and aggression, when their advances are rejected--those guys are all unhinged too? if what you're saying is true, then there are a LOT of seriously unhinged dudes in the world, or a small handful that really get around because every woman i know has dealt with this kind of backlash. it's not a small minority of "unhinged" men, or street harassment and the backlash that goes with it when the women subjected to it don't respond in the "right" way, would not be as epidemic as it is. and if you doubt that street harassment is epidemic, check this out:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/06/04/new-study-suggests-street-harassment-is-widespread/


I hear the same from other women. At first I didn't understand why so many women are afraid to out at night on their own, because as a man you don't really think of it. Generally men have little to fear from women physically, and because of that they don't understand why women would be afraid of them. A women told me she was going home, and a creepy dude slowed down his car so he kept next to her, and then started say things like "Hey, looking good, want to come home with me?" in de middle of the night. That must be terrifying for a lone women.

I read a study a while ago (I'll see if I can find it again later) where men admitted to rape, depending on how it was phrased. They did not call it rape in the study, but whether they forced women to have sex with them. When it was phrased that way they would admit they did that. The same guys also admitted to having sex with women who were passed out. These men were a minority, but they were repeat offenders, and these repeat offenders also admitted to acts of violence and some of them admitted to doing inappropriate things with children. The theme here is always the same: not respecting other people's boundaries.
This study was done with college men, so they are mostly fairly young, but there was even a category for people who admitted to between 9-50 rapes.

This overlap seems to suggest that there is a subset of men who don't give a s**t and just do to other people what they want. I think that it is a minority, but that minority consists of repeat offenders. I think this is also the case with the people who hoot and bother women. If only 1/10 men is like that, you will run into these on a regular basis, sadly. In the study I think it was 400/1800 men admitted to having sex with women without consent (of varying degrees). Much higher than I expected. I would call these 400 men unhinged. If I can dig up the study I'll start a new topic.



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15 Jul 2014, 4:10 pm

KB8CWB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why the first name "Dick" even exists in America/UK, that always has boggled my mind, is it prounounced any differently from dick aka penis?


Perhaps because the term "Dick" is slang. It is also a name or a shortened version of Richard. Kind of like the name "Smith" also refers to one who works with metals like a Black Smith, etc. Perhaps the first person to be a "Dick" was a really screwed person. Just like Benedict is derogatory referring to Benedict Arnold who was an American general who defected to the British. Hence it is also a derogatory term now. Who knows? The English language is one of the most convoluted languages on the planet... :lol:


Yes, I think the name Dick predates the slang term, I don't know of any cognates in other Germanic languages, unlike most other body parts. Perhaps it's just the silly idea of applying names to penises? Like Johnson, Willy, and probably a few others.



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15 Jul 2014, 4:28 pm

starvingartist wrote:
onewithstrange wrote:
Neither me nor the male gender as a whole is being given any credit, either by you or tarantella, for being able to correctly interpret body language or situations. You can spout off however many examples to the contrary, but making that sweeping statement against all males is sexism. It's sexism, and you're guilty of it. You, a feminist supposedly opposed to gender inequality. You may want to read a bit less about misogyny and start catching up on this thing called misandry.


you do remember that we're having this discussion on a forum for people on the autistic spectrum, who tend to sometimes have difficulty with things like non-verbal communication and reading body language, facial expressions, and other such things, right?

it's not about all males--it's about the fact that a lot of males here asking for advice have these issues of having trouble with non-verbal communication, and therefore i think it's a bad idea to present kissing before asking as a good idea. but if you want to keep on thinking i hate men and getting enraged about it, that is your prerogative.


do i need to make that clearer there, where i clearly acknowledged that i wasn't talking about all men, just the men on this forum who have difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication? i think it's pretty clear. does it need to be clearer? i could copy and paste it a couple times, or make it all caps or something, if that would make it easier to discern.



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15 Jul 2014, 4:29 pm

KB8CWB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why the first name "Dick" even exists in America/UK, that always has boggled my mind, is it prounounced any differently from dick aka penis?


The English language is one of the most convoluted languages on the planet... :lol:


Well, the English vocabulary is certainly large, 600k words? That's like 6x times than French. I don't know how many words there in Arabic but I've read something if including all "dialects" then it can reach to a million.

How different spoken English to written English? I can barely notice the differences, in French there are some little differences between "familiar French" and classic French such as "C'est chouette" (it looks good) versus "C'est joli" (Classic).



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15 Jul 2014, 4:51 pm

Laddo wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
Laddo, a quarter of women have been raped, in the US. Two-thirds have been sexually harassed. Some other proportion, probably somewhere inbetween, have been the victims of domestic violence at the hands of men. Men are generally larger and stronger than women.

If white men in the US experienced this much violence, this extreme, at the hands of 7' tall, powerfully built black men, you would be buried in abuse if you even suggested it was unreasonable that they should be wary enough to cross the street. What you'd really be hearing was calls for helicopter attacks and wall-building.


And how many men have been raped? By other men and by women? If a man says stop to a woman and she doesn't stop, or a woman pressures a man into say despite him saying no, that is rape. How many men have been murdered at the hands of women? Or been beaten with weapons? You still don't seem to see the other side. Instead you're taking it as me saying "women don't get abused" or something. I've said previously that more women do get abused at the hands of men. It doesn't mean that it is entirely one-sided, as you seem to be portraying.

This thread is now officially pure man hate. It's gone from saying we get too hung up on women, to we're all being portrayed as potential rapists to some bizarre tangent about babies. It's just becoming an excuse to slag men off


Blahblah, nonsense. Tell me, aren't you more likely to be afraid of men than of women? If you are alone in a dark street, what would be more intimidating, a group of men or a group of women?
It's just a fact that men are much more likely to harm or rape than women, they are also more likely to commit crimes against their fellow men too. I've also had women (and once even a man) cross the street, and then after they passed me cross the street to my side again. It's not fun but there's no reason to be all butthurt about it. If you saw someone walking towards you and you genuinely thought that person was a threat to you, why not cross the road?
Although in my case it's probably partly my own fault, on a bad day I look like I walked off the set of Vikings, too much hair and a big scar on my face.

If there were Hulk women harrassing and raping men, I would be crossing the road too if I saw a Hulk woman coming my way.



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15 Jul 2014, 5:07 pm

trollcatman wrote:
I hear the same from other women. At first I didn't understand why so many women are afraid to out at night on their own, because as a man you don't really think of it. Generally men have little to fear from women physically, and because of that they don't understand why women would be afraid of them. A women told me she was going home, and a creepy dude slowed down his car so he kept next to her, and then started say things like "Hey, looking good, want to come home with me?" in de middle of the night. That must be terrifying for a lone women.


THIS. Sometimes men make out that I'm being silly over it, and it really pisses me off. They don't even try to imagine, because they don't have to. I may as well say I don't like going out alone at night because I'm afraid of the dark.


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15 Jul 2014, 5:14 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
KB8CWB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why the first name "Dick" even exists in America/UK, that always has boggled my mind, is it prounounced any differently from dick aka penis?


The English language is one of the most convoluted languages on the planet... :lol:


Well, the English vocabulary is certainly large, 600k words? That's like 6x times than French. I don't know how many words there in Arabic but I've read something if including all "dialects" then it can reach to a million.

How different spoken English to written English? I can barely notice the differences, in French there are some little differences between "familiar French" and classic French such as "C'est chouette" (it looks good) versus "C'est joli" (Classic).


I don't speak Arabic, but from what I understand it is not really a single language. The situation is pretty similar to Romance languages I think (or maybe even Slavic or Germanic languages): There is Classical Arabic (a prestige language of education and religion, like Latin), and then there are many varieties of spoken Arabic. From what I hear many dialects of Arabic are not mutually intellegible. To me it seems more like Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese today.

I think the differences between written and spoken Arabic may be larger than for English or other European languages, since during the spread of Arabic they already had their own written language, Classical Arabic. Until modern times English people would usually write in Latin and not English. It was not until the 16th century (Reformation) that people would begin to write in their own language more than Latin, and by that time the languages were pretty fragmented. I live in the Netherlands and even today there are people from the south I can't understand at all, even though it is a very small country. Around 1200 years ago Old English and Old Dutch were mutually intelligible, today they are definately not.
I don't think there is that much difference between spoken and written English. One thing that bothered me when learning English: the spelling often has very little to do with pronunciation. French is almost as bad. French is probably one of the most ugly sounding languages too, but maybe I'm biased.

One thing I'm curious about, since you asked about the difference between spoken and written English: do English language tv programs and films in Lebanon get subtitles or are they dubbed? Here they are subtitled so most people have a fair idea of what English sounds like. In Germany they dub most things, it's pretty hilarious to watch James Bond or the The Simpsons in German.



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15 Jul 2014, 5:23 pm

"Dick" is a diminutive of Richard, just like "Rick" "Rich," and "Richie" are. It has become less commonly used because of its slang association. I don't think Richard Nixon minded being called "Dick" Nixon when he was younger. There were many "Dicks" up until the 1970s, when the penis association became ubiquitous.

"Mick" isn't common in America because it's also a derogatory term for an Irish person (in America). People usually use "Mickey" instead. In the UK, "Mick" is quite popular, though.

When I was a kid, "gay" meant happy. You'll find "gay=happy" in many songs even in the 1960s. In the 1970s, "gay=homosexual" became ubiquitous, and completely overwhelmed "gay=happy," to the point where, for all intents and purposes, it's not used any more.



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15 Jul 2014, 5:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
"Dick" is a diminutive of Richard, just like "Rick" "Rich," and "Richie" are. It has become less commonly used because of its slang association. I don't think Richard Nixon minded being called "Dick" Nixon when he was younger. There were many "Dicks" up until the 1970s, when the penis association became ubiquitous.

"Mick" isn't common in America because it's also a derogatory term for an Irish person (in America). People usually use "Mickey" instead. In the UK, "Mick" is quite popular, though.

When I was a kid, "gay" meant happy. You'll find "gay=happy" in many songs even in the 1960s. In the 1970s, "gay=homosexual" became ubiquitous, and completely overwhelmed "gay=happy," to the point where, for all intents and purposes, it's not used any more.

"Tricky Dick" Nixon



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15 Jul 2014, 6:08 pm

trollcatman wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
the ones who lash out with extreme violence, perhaps. what about all the guys on the street who hoot and holler at women and then call them a b***h for not responding positively to their attention? is every single one of those guys (and there are TONNES, take my word for it) "very unhinged"? or all the guys that try to start conversations with lone women on buses/the subway/etc only to react with name-calling, anger, jeering, and aggression, when their advances are rejected--those guys are all unhinged too? if what you're saying is true, then there are a LOT of seriously unhinged dudes in the world, or a small handful that really get around because every woman i know has dealt with this kind of backlash. it's not a small minority of "unhinged" men, or street harassment and the backlash that goes with it when the women subjected to it don't respond in the "right" way, would not be as epidemic as it is. and if you doubt that street harassment is epidemic, check this out:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/06/04/new-study-suggests-street-harassment-is-widespread/


I hear the same from other women. At first I didn't understand why so many women are afraid to out at night on their own, because as a man you don't really think of it. Generally men have little to fear from women physically, and because of that they don't understand why women would be afraid of them. A women told me she was going home, and a creepy dude slowed down his car so he kept next to her, and then started say things like "Hey, looking good, want to come home with me?" in de middle of the night. That must be terrifying for a lone women.

I read a study a while ago (I'll see if I can find it again later) where men admitted to rape, depending on how it was phrased. They did not call it rape in the study, but whether they forced women to have sex with them. When it was phrased that way they would admit they did that. The same guys also admitted to having sex with women who were passed out. These men were a minority, but they were repeat offenders, and these repeat offenders also admitted to acts of violence and some of them admitted to doing inappropriate things with children. The theme here is always the same: not respecting other people's boundaries.
This study was done with college men, so they are mostly fairly young, but there was even a category for people who admitted to between 9-50 rapes.

This overlap seems to suggest that there is a subset of men who don't give a sh** and just do to other people what they want. I think that it is a minority, but that minority consists of repeat offenders. I think this is also the case with the people who hoot and bother women. If only 1/10 men is like that, you will run into these on a regular basis, sadly. In the study I think it was 400/1800 men admitted to having sex with women without consent (of varying degrees). Much higher than I expected. I would call these 400 men unhinged. If I can dig up the study I'll start a new topic.


Yeah, please do. I think you're right, that it's a minority of men, but a substantial minority. I think too that part of the problem's that the guys who aren't quite like that make up a bigger segment of the population, and they're looking over at these horrific creeps, and thinking, "He always gets what he wants, he doesn't let people push him around." And then every once in a while they'll do something awful to get what they want, and justify it as "I'm always so good, I deserve this one break" or "he gets more than me, why should I always suffer," or "at least I'm not like him, he's way worse." You get creep creep.

The rape and assault numbers shocked me, too, when I first started hearing them, and I thought they were insane, must have been made up. It took years for me to actually pay attention and notice -- oh hey! I'm in those stats! -- and that many of my friends were, as well, and that's when I realized...yeah, these numbers could actually make sense. It's just that when you're assaulted, you know, most people don't want to go around thinking of themselves as an assault or rape victim, or minimize it in their own lives, or find reasons to blame themselves or decide it wasn't *really* rape, especially if there isn't someone to talk to about it. Plus the pressure not to accuse a guy of sexual assault -- you know, did he really do anything so bad, can't you just drop it? It becomes very...ordinary. So I'm not surprised that so many young men felt that forcing themselves on a woman was just ordinary, too.