aside from sperm, what good are men?

Post Reply New Topic

Yep...people do enjoy trolling...and don't care if anybody else enjoys their trolling.

In nature, while fewer male mammals may get to mate than females in promiscuous species like sheep and cattle that don't live in complex societies where the males nurture young, about half of the mammals born are still male. That's because the genetic diversity resulting from their being many more males than needed to keep the species alive is either good for the species, or not bad for it. For domesticated sheep and cattle, on the other hand, the human keepers maintain the survival of the (sub)species and genetic diversity is considered a negative because it makes the product less standardized. Therefore they keep as few non-castrated adult males around as is necessary to maintain the meat, milk, and/or wool productivity of the herd.

In some social mammal species, like wolves, great apes, and people, males serve far more than just a reproductive role. Although not all the post-pubescent males in the group reproduce, they help find food and keep the group safe, and in the particular social animals I've mentioned, they even get involved in raising the young, at least after they're weaned. If they don't reproduce themselves, they can at least keep their nieces, nephews, and cousins alive, protecting some of their genes.

So, being unlucky in love as a male human by no means implies that one is useless. The bad luck in love may be only a temporary state, and even if it's not, then, like a wolf or monkey who helps feed his kin, you can find something to contribute to your society and the next generation. Non-breeding wolves and apes may occasionally, when feeling strong, try to become breeders, but when their attempts fail, they don't dwell on it. They get on with their lives, finding and sharing food for their kin.

So you hear that lonley people on wp?

If you feel lonely, don't dwell on it -; just work and accept it like how mateless dogs and monkeys do.

Because complainig might bother some people here.

Sorry if it came out as quit your b**ching. I did not mean it that way. What I was trying to say with the wolf/monkey analogy is that people don't have to follow the literally sheep-like notion that mating is everything in life and the male who can't find a mate might as well not exist. Not that the person has no right to be upset, but that society in general should not make such a huge deal of mating in the first place.

I think there is some level of delusion to think hobbies are sufficient replacement for human relationships, you can accept that I suppose but it doesn't make it any less meaningless. We castrate or kill animals that no one wants or has no use often times considered a burden, I'm not sure it is a comparison I like to make that much.

I don't think that for the majority of people it is down to societal pressure. It's obviously different if you're ace, but generally we have an instinctive desire to pair up. We have attractions to other humans and we want to enjoy their company. No one told me to do that. It just happened.

I'm saying you can choose to be miserable or not lol. I haven't magically stopped wanting a relationship because I'm ace (I'm not aro lol), I develop romantic feelings very easily in fact and would love to find someone I'm compatible with, but I've come to accept that a number of things converging together (including being sex repulsed) lowers my chances for relationships, and that I can sit around being depressed because of it or I can accept it and find other things I enjoy. I chose the latter.

I know a lot of people (myself included at one point) who spend way too much time moping because they're single. I don't want to be like that. It's miserable and doesn't help anything. Focus on the good things is all I'm saying. Have fun and improve yourself along the way. Maybe you'll meet someone and maybe you won't. Sitting around being unhappy about it won't change anything in any capacity.

I never said hobbies replaced human interaction, but it's better to focus on doing things you like and that improve yourself than wallowing in misery. And even if it isn't the human interaction you want, most of us have other people in our lives and they care about us too.

It's been incredibly freeing for me personally. I spend like 1/20th of the time thinking about what I'm missing compared to what I used to. Lord, I used to be suicidal on occasion because of this. I'm sorry that you think it's delusional and meaningless, but I'd rather be delusional and doing meaningless things than be depressed and suicidal over something that I don't have much control over.

I don't really see it as a choice, I see it as a reflection of my situation and the only way to change that is to change my situation. Wallowing does nothing sure but getting to those dark places have really been the only thing to ever force me to change, the pain of the status quo finally outweighing whatever mental block I've put in front of myself. It's change or die. I've changed a lot over the last few years, I guess I am more miserable but I am a more complete person which I guess kind of highlights what you lack. If you can get fulfillment from some other source then I guess more power to you, I would say tho that it isn't just romantic relationships that I struggle with but basic human interaction so maybe I'm just the weirdo with too many issues. I'm trying and struggling every day to be a semi-functional person which is really hard on your own, humans are a social species and if it were 'the wild' I would of been long dead. It's really hard just being around people when you feel so disconnected, I feel like a freak.

Things can only be entertaining and distracting so long, things are only fun by yourself so long, it just isn't there anymore for me so I don't think I don't think I can just flip the switch and accept that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. That's a majorly depressing thought and the idea that I have another 50-60 years of this wherein all my family members would die makes me just want to hurl.

It can be a choice to some degree. I had to make that choice. I'm always going to be asexual and sex repulsed and that ultimately means that my chances of finding a fulfilling long term relationship are low. And the fact that I'm severely mentally ill and autism spectrum don't help my chances. I refuse to spend the rest of my life miserable because other people can't see what I have to offer past that. I can't change the fact that I'm ace, sex repulsed, neurodivergent, or mentally ill. I'm not saying don't go to those dark places, I did and that's what motivated me to realise i couldn't go on like that. I'm saying don't stay there when it's not changing anything. Many people stay there and are never going to take the initiative to change because change is hard and scary. Being depressed is obviously unpleasant but it's easy to do lol. Doesn't take any effort.

I do socialize so I get the human interaction i need mostly. I have my best friend, my sister, several less close friends, my family (a number of whom I speak with on the phone with every week), and I've started volunteering. I could always use more human interaction, but unfortunately part of being an adult is being busy, so everyone I know is busy. Most have jobs and significant others and hobbies and other friends and family. Some have children. But the people in my life fulfill me more than most of my relationships have.

Hobbies also aren't empty if you legitimately enjoy them. I get fulfillment out of my hobbies. Learning (through books, documentaries, and articles), watching bad movies, hiking/going on walks, and writing make me feel good. You can always improve at almost everything you do, so that gives you something to focus on as well.

Most of us would be long dead if we were in the wild. Even aspies who have lots of friends and successful relationships. Some of us adapt better, but if it were the wild we wouldn't have been given the time to adapt lol.

I've been down that path for years now, you could say since age 13.

There were times I was absolutely desperate for a relationship, but trying to be happy being alone does not equate to not looking.

Aside from a few short-bursts of a vibrant and satisfying social life, I've for the most part been secluded and dreadfully lonely.

I've found having good friendships can help me with my depression and loneliness, but as aspies we tend to struggle just with having friends as well.

I try to seek both simultaneously and have been since age 13, but aside from the 4 scattered friendships I have (good, strong quality friendships, but all now long distance due to constant moving) I have no social life whatsoever.

Also, I've found a relationship is simply more satisfying than friendship.

It would take at least 2-4 powerful friendships for me to feel as happy as I would if I had one happy relationship and zero friends.

But yeah, I’m doing everything I can right now. Hobbies, interests, volunteering (can’t work minimum part-time hours though so I’m applying for disability), health, etc.

I know I'm only young, but even at my age I'm a few years delayed behind the majority of my peers and regardless of effrot don't see this changing any time soon. While they are studying, working, living on their own/with friends, driving, etc. all I have to my name is a high school diploma.

So why waste a few years 'working on myself' if it just means more isolation, seclusion and awfully slow progress.

"Things can only be entertaining and distracting so long, things are only fun by yourself so long, it just isn't there anymore for me so I don't think I don't think I can just flip the switch and accept that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. That's a majorly depressing thought and the idea that I have another 50-60 years of this wherein all my family members would die makes me just want to hurl."

This sums up so well what I've always been trying to say - it's lonely at the top.

You can wallow in pain and misery, distract yourself simply for escapism (e.g. video games/lots of hours on computers/chat forums, tv, generally useless tasks for quick and easy pleasure), or distract yourself by doing productive and ambitious endeavors that actually improve your life without friendships and relationships.

Productiveness is certainly the better path and makes one happier, but there is a certain skill cap that will be reached.

Once you max out the amount of happiness achievable in all areas (health, career, education, skills, knowledge, etc.) you may be overall happier, but 'social life' is one area that will remain unfulfilled and you'll remain unsatisifed in.

If I eat healthy and exercise, I may feel great when I reach my goal and feel overall happier due to better health 24/7, but once the initial dopamine wears-off, I'd realize since I've reached the goal, there's not really anything more to strive towards - just the tedious task of maintaining my healthy body and diet. What was originally a fun goal to work towards is now just another chore.

Just as achieving the degree and making the 5-figure income may feel great, but at the end of the day it's just another career, you still may not make anywhere near as much as you thought you would after taxes and bills, if the job is moderately stressful and challenging, again, that's just another chore/job.

If I become a world famous musician, no relationship, music wouldn't be fun anymore but a chore as well, I'd have to release music very frequently to maintain my fanbase or fall into obscurity once again, deal with all the complicated marketing, managers, contracts, etc. I'd have to meet a deadline, meet the prerequisites of the record label just to push my ideas out anymore.

Aside from the 0.0001% minority, most musicians don’t achieve fame but even some that do don’t make or have anywhere near as much money as society thinks they do. I know plenty of electronic musicians with chart-topping songs who still are studying at university and have a uni student income and still have to work a job just like everyone else (example: Wiwek).

It's lonely at the top and pursuing absolute success isn't worth it.

A happier life is one where you achieve 75% and have good friendships and happy relationships in your life, not 100% if it means you sacrificed time for a social life for success.

If you max out the amount of happiness possible in any given area, challenge is gone and life becomes boring

Happiness is the journey, not the destination.

If you're not enjoying the ride, and, typically it's those with a happy social life that do and those that don't have one that don't, then life is not worth living.

I agree that distractions have their limits, and if anything may only start or continue bad habits, e.g. if you've 100% complete every video game you own, you may waste good money on more you may not even like that much just for a distraction. Using videogames/internet/movies/what have you for excessive escapism can lead to addiction and a fear of leaving your comfort zone, and thus further isolate you from the world and only make things worse.

Sometimes you've actually got to make an effort to meet new people and have a social life, distractions are counter-productive and directly avoiding the issue.

"Most of us would be long dead if we were in the wild. Even aspies who have lots of friends and successful relationships. Some of us adapt better, but if it were the wild we wouldn't have been given the time to adapt lol."

Not really. There's some theories of Apserger's having a genetic basis, and if that's true, you could say we've lasted this long.

There's some theories we did exist in prehistoric times, but even if we didn't and Asperger's only entered the human gene pool, say, since medieval times, we've managed to survive the dark ages, along with the 16th-18th century (and in many ways in many places those were tough times for humanity, I'm talking about the European expansion and conquer of most nations, slavery, vast amounts of war between nations, genocides, women having no rights, etc.)

I think what's got to be taken into account is different people's and tribes have different social structures.

Not every ancient human tribe would have held a 'survival of the fittest, execute the weakest links' attitude, but I do believe such a thing would have existed.

Otherwise some have very Socialism/Communism-based structures (Australian Aboriginals, etc.) where every person served a role - even if aspies may have struggled to fit into these roles, e.g. men being hunters, I'm sure some sort of use would have been found for them.

Let's just not hope that use was exploiting them for personal gain.

There are some hunting tasks that are not co-operative but more individualistic so maybe some aspies split-off from the rest and did their own thing to meet back up with everyone else later.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 122849.htm

http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs-wm/43239.pdf

http://www.academia.edu/956384/Autistic ... tory_2011_

http://www.care2.com/causes/the-autism- ... hesis.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primitive_communism