More Thought on Incels.

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I didn't think it was such a mystery? everyone knew the familiar symptoms....no girlfriends, right wing beliefs, 4chan subscription - bam!
https://www.thestar.com/edmonton/2019/0 ... s-say.html

When you're young, everything feels like a big deal. Not only that, everything happening at that age feels like it's gonna stay that way forever. This means a woman rejecting you feels like the end of the world and a reflection on you as a person, and you will NEVER be attractive to women no matter what you do.

What most Incels (capitalized as a name of the movement they're in) don't realize is that it's possible to age into one's looks. That is, you keep the same overall look your genes gave you, but your face takes on a more weathered, aged appearance, thus becoming more attractive. And you start having an easier time meeting women. Not necessarily for one-night hookups, but women won't automatically reject you the minute they look at you. In other words, Incels' faces are ill-equipped for being young. But again, what Incels don't realize is that they'll actually age into their looks sometime.

I remember catching heat on here for sharing my "Casanova" stories from my cruises. Well, I wasn't [copulating] every woman on the ship! Much of it wasn't even French kissing; it was heavy flirting at most. Like when a new woman grabbed my hand to look at a scar she saw, and a woman I was hanging out with wrapped her arm around me and said "he's my friend; you can't do that". That was while we were all sitting in a hot tub; I felt like we were on an MTV reality show. At the same time, I'm well aware that none of this would have happened if I had taken the cruise 15 years prior as a butt-ugly 21-year-old. I had to age into my looks before most women felt comfortable even hugging me.

↑ Two takeaways:

• When it comes to dating, nothing is really as bad as it seems.

• Wait, your turn will come.

You're missing an extremely important part of the equation: a stop-gap measure. "Waiting for your turn to come" is all well and good, but there has to be SOMETHING to occupy your attention while waiting. Otherwise, you'll see Chads getting [vagina] every weekend, while you're left out in the cold, getting a dry, uninspiring hug at most, and that's if you're lucky. Over time, frustration will build up and destroy your mental health.

In my case, the element occupying my attention was ESCORTS. Man oh man, I had a blast with them! All ethnicities I'm attracted to, ages 20 thru 50, different body types---you name it, I've been with a woman of that demographic. I had sex on average with one escort a month, and also attended escort conventions (where no sex was permitted). It's an expensive pursuit, but I made enough money to afford it even early in my career.

When I got to 27 years or so, I felt like I aged into my looks, because women started paying attention to me. So the escort frequency declined to once every few months. Even so, other than a few "gap years" when I went though aversion to sex or was in relationships, I have sex with escorts to this day. Although now that my sex drive plummeted to near zero, I do it only occasionally, strictly as a necessary procedure for mental health reasons. Because literally NOTHING replaces a live sexual encounter.

Well, then...

• When it comes to dating, nothing is really as bad as it seems.

• Never give up; your turn will come.

• Pursue every opportunity, even those that are not ideal.

Maybe not quite traditional arranged marriages, but it's clear to me that many people do need an alternative to the current Western custom of potential partners approaching each other directly, out of nowhere.

I think traditional arranged marriages went out of fashion for good reasons. But I also think the West may have over-reacted against them. Somehow, a happy middle ground needs to be found.

I think the happy middle ground will need to be developed within various subcultures. I don't think it can happen at the level of mass culture.

The traditional "Matchmaker" (or marriage broker) seems to have gone out of fashion -- except maybe in Jewish communities -- and seems to have been largely replaced by dating apps and other technologies.

By the way, the correct term for a Jewish matchmaker not "Yenta" (a gossipy old woman), it is shadchanit for a woman, and shadchan for a man.

The biggest problem is that the Jewish matchmakers are seldom concerned about the woman's interests---and almost never concerned about the man's interests. They're far more concerned about their personal and religious beliefs and "what's good for society", which often clashes with today's reality. So the matches they produce end up living in lifelong quiet misery post-wedding.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 15 Jul 2021, 11:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sure, the shadchanit/shadchan is a product of her/his religious culture; but that is not something to hold against them.

What aspies need is someone like Richard Dawkins to act as matchmaker -- someone who makes the connection between two people without regard to religion (unless the people request it).

Funny how matchmaking is a lot like using a hiring/temp agency as a go-between for employers and employees.  There is the first date (the first interview), the connection (the hiring), the dating period (the probationary period), and the point of rejection or commitment (dismissal or "permanent" hiring).

^ I'm not a pimp, I just run a temp agency that specializes in companionship.

Why now I am being chased, I didn’t even get vaccinated yet.

Jeez where were they before the pandemic?

Well when it comes to incels approaches with women, what do they do wrong though, just mainly many kinds of social awkardness? If so, can this be practiced upon and fixed?

It would help if the Incels (with the capital I) would dispense with the Incel ideology.

I suppose of they call themselves Incel in social situations that doesn't help either. If you want to get laid, don't call yourself that to other people of course.

The traditional matchmaker had already been out of fashion (except among Orthodox Jews) long before the rise of dating apps. When I was young, most people met each other at school, or at their church/whatever youth fellowship, or in groups devoted to common hobbies/interests/whatever, or via personal ads in newspapers.

First, there's no such thing as a 4chan "subscription." Second, the article you posted said that people on 4chan speculated they were incel, didn't say anything about their own 4chan posting habbits. Others speculated they might have been far-right nazis. (An unrelated article suggests they were gay lovers).

What bothers me is the slippery-slope. Suppose both of them were Autistic. How many NTs such as yourself would say, "Makes perfect sense, weirdos without many social connections. Clearly Autistic! Those people are dangerous."

You might know better because of your daughter, but it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if they were accused of being on the spectrum. Whether they were or weren't doesn't speak for the majority, but Asperger's gets painted in a bad light. You're doing the same with the large umbrella term incel.