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Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

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funeralxempire
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29 Aug 2019, 12:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sly is not an Incel with a capital I.


Has anyone suggested that he is? He can speak for himself as to how he wishes to identify and label himself. If he hasn't claimed a label why assume it applies?


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29 Aug 2019, 12:45 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Sly is not an Incel with a capital I.


Has anyone suggested that he is? He can speak for himself as to how he wishes to identify and label himself. If he hasn't claimed a label why assume it applies?


Ugh, he's not. Just leave him alone.



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29 Aug 2019, 1:32 pm

One of my detractors has called both sly and I incels. He also accused me of wanting “margaritas” which is completely stupid and inaccurate. Fortunately, he has, in his own words, “disengaged” from the forums.



LookWhoItIs
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29 Aug 2019, 7:13 pm

hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).



I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.


This goes back to what I said in my very first post (which admittedly got overlooked) in this thread: most incels I know (or have known) can't even get a first date. How then can they convey their personality/social skills? If, on the other hand, a guy is able to get dates but can't get a girlfriend/sex, I agree he needs to start evaluating how he comes off rather than how he looks, but I haven't known of many incels who fall into this category. You have to pass the physical attractiveness test to get a first date, and many, if not most, incels can't.

A date is like a job interview...it's a chance to get something more permanent. Some people can't get interviews just like some people can't get dates.



hurtloam
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29 Aug 2019, 7:25 pm

LookWhoItIs wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).



I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.


This goes back to what I said in my very first post (which admittedly got overlooked) in this thread: most incels I know (or have known) can't even get a first date. How then can they convey their personality/social skills? If, on the other hand, a guy is able to get dates but can't get a girlfriend/sex, I agree he needs to start evaluating how he comes off rather than how he looks, but I haven't known of many incels who fall into this category. You have to pass the physical attractiveness test to get a first date, and many, if not most, incels can't.

A date is like a job interview...it's a chance to get something more permanent. Some people can't get interviews just like some people can't get dates.


Ah you must be talking solely about online dating, rather than dating people you know already?

I forgot no one on here interacts with other humans outside of their computer (That's a joke, a lot do. Some don't)

It's such a rubbish system. Just pages and pages of photos. However, there's usually text on those pages. What people write can convey weirdness, even if they look good.

So I stand by this idea that it's not just looks. You can't really know if the observer thought, "nah, too ugly" or "nah, too weird." You'd need a little tick box thing on profiles to find out.

Why did you say no to this profile? X, y or z reason. I wonder if that might be helpful or soul destroying.

<sarcasm>Better just say the problem is looks because that's arbitrary and genetic and I have no control over it. That's at least a little comforting and I can be reassured that I did nothing wrong or offputting<sarcasm>



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29 Aug 2019, 7:28 pm

Please stop punching easy targets, it does you no favours.



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29 Aug 2019, 8:10 pm

LookWhoItIs wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).



I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.


This goes back to what I said in my very first post (which admittedly got overlooked) in this thread: most incels I know (or have known) can't even get a first date. How then can they convey their personality/social skills? If, on the other hand, a guy is able to get dates but can't get a girlfriend/sex, I agree he needs to start evaluating how he comes off rather than how he looks, but I haven't known of many incels who fall into this category. You have to pass the physical attractiveness test to get a first date, and many, if not most, incels can't.

A date is like a job interview...it's a chance to get something more permanent. Some people can't get interviews just like some people can't get dates.


You don't necessarily have to convey your personality/social skills to her directly. IRL going to a place frequently and socializing with people can help with that. Going to stores, mall, parks, etc, and striking up conversations or doing your own thing(not inside your home of course) will do that. Even online social media can do that, WP, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, whatever you use, those can help as well. Eventually some girl(or boy) will take notice of you. Sitting and waiting for someone to interact with you barely works only the lucky few get that enjoyment and I know from experience.


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LookWhoItIs
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29 Aug 2019, 8:50 pm

hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).



I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.


This goes back to what I said in my very first post (which admittedly got overlooked) in this thread: most incels I know (or have known) can't even get a first date. How then can they convey their personality/social skills? If, on the other hand, a guy is able to get dates but can't get a girlfriend/sex, I agree he needs to start evaluating how he comes off rather than how he looks, but I haven't known of many incels who fall into this category. You have to pass the physical attractiveness test to get a first date, and many, if not most, incels can't.

A date is like a job interview...it's a chance to get something more permanent. Some people can't get interviews just like some people can't get dates.


Ah you must be talking solely about online dating, rather than dating people you know already?

I forgot no one on here interacts with other humans outside of their computer (That's a joke, a lot do. Some don't)

It's such a rubbish system. Just pages and pages of photos. However, there's usually text on those pages. What people write can convey weirdness, even if they look good.

So I stand by this idea that it's not just looks. You can't really know if the observer thought, "nah, too ugly" or "nah, too weird." You'd need a little tick box thing on profiles to find out.

Why did you say no to this profile? X, y or z reason. I wonder if that might be helpful or soul destroying.

<sarcasm>Better just say the problem is looks because that's arbitrary and genetic and I have no control over it. That's at least a little comforting and I can be reassured that I did nothing wrong or offputting<sarcasm>


Whether it's on-line or real life is besides the point. I just find it hard to believe a woman would turn down a man she found physically attractive for something as simple and harmless as a date. Of course, she wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy whose personality she didn't like, but again, I'm just talking dates (interviews) here.

And I'm not sure if I'm being personally attacked or not, but I am not incel (have had a girlfriend for four years now), though I definitely went through an incel phase when younger.



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30 Aug 2019, 1:13 am

hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).




I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.



That's because you're not ugly so you don't know how it is like for the ugly people.


Why it is so hard for you people to get it.

- Looks is the first thing to pass (and the way of walking, posture...etc, appearance in general).
- Everything else comes after the first date is accepted.

This is life, no one is inventing something.



funeralxempire
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30 Aug 2019, 1:27 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).




I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.



That's because you're not ugly so you don't know how it is like for the ugly people.


Why it is so hard for you people to get it.

- Looks is the first thing to pass (and the way of walking, posture...etc, appearance in general).
- Everything else comes after the first date is accepted.

This is life, no one is inventing something.


If being ugly was a disqualifier by itself, why are there so many ugly people with partners? Why is it so hard for you people to get it? :lol:


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If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


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30 Aug 2019, 1:29 am

Marknis wrote:
One of my detractors has called both sly and I incels. He also accused me of wanting “margaritas” which is completely stupid and inaccurate. Fortunately, he has, in his own words, “disengaged” from the forums.


Is 'margarita' some sort of joke about what you prefer to drink, or is there another meaning I'm missing?


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The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


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30 Aug 2019, 1:36 am

LookWhoItIs wrote:
I just find it hard to believe a woman would turn down a man she found physically attractive for something as simple and harmless as a date.


Because people have lives to live, things to do. They don't have time to be dating people they're not really interested in. The date would still be spending time with someone you don't really even want to be friends with. Why would anyone do that? Why would they waste their time, when they could just go hang out with their friends who they do like?

Quote:
And I'm not sure if I'm being personally attacked or not.


You're not being personally attacked. An attack would be "you're a stupid idiot, you believe something stupid" etc.... I'm just being humourous about people who don't look further than their own nose.



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30 Aug 2019, 1:37 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).




I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.



That's because you're not ugly so you don't know how it is like for the ugly people.


Why it is so hard for you people to get it.

- Looks is the first thing to pass (and the way of walking, posture...etc, appearance in general).
- Everything else comes after the first date is accepted.

This is life, no one is inventing something.


You've just proven my point.

That a person can look good enough to get superficial interest, but have a personality so off putting that they can't even get a date. I've had 2 dates in the past 17 years.



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30 Aug 2019, 1:49 am

I have to agree with hurtloam on this one.
Why does anyone want a date? Most of us are looking for that emotional connection with another person.
Other reasons for wanting a date... are less attractive to me.



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30 Aug 2019, 1:50 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
LookWhoItIs wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

Simple, superficial people will seek to explain their failures in simple, superficial ways.


Or perhaps because the simplest explanation is usually the correct one?

Even if looks aren't the be-all end-all, I don't think rejecting a guy because he's socially awkward (which he can only help to a certain extent) is any less superficial than rejecting him for his looks (which he can also only help to a certain extent).




I disagree. If you are attracted to someone, but the conversation is like drawing teeth, it's not enjoyable to be around them. The relationship isn't sustainable.

I've been rejected for my lack of conversational skills. "You just don't talk enough", he said. That was 20 years ago, I've improved since then. The last date I went on I was the one doing all the talking and he hardly spoke.

Do you really want to be with someone who's personality doesn't interest you?

That's not superficial. It's a question of compatibility. This is a person that you're going to be spending A LOT of time with. You want to be with someone that is nice to be around, not someone who makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarassed for them.



That's because you're not ugly so you don't know how it is like for the ugly people.


Why it is so hard for you people to get it.

- Looks is the first thing to pass (and the way of walking, posture...etc, appearance in general).
- Everything else comes after the first date is accepted.

This is life, no one is inventing something.


You've just proven my point.

That a person can look good enough to get superficial interest, but have a personality so off putting that they can't even get a date. I've had 2 dates in the past 17 years.



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30 Aug 2019, 1:53 am

sorry, it ate my post and said I had prove I was not a robot or something.


I only said to hurtloam, what is wrong with being choosey.