FWB relationships - your opinion?

Post Reply New Topic

Used for prostitution, sometimes managed by father for a daughter.

Oh

I wouldnt agree with that. As said I had BMF partners myself and dont think anything bad about it, for me its simply sex with someone you can trust, which has a lot of advantages for me compared to One night stands with different partners you dont really know or doing an relationship with someone you dont really love.

But its not the past of the relationships or the future of relationships, its simply an addition to different kind of relationships. BMF is simply without emotional love. Sympathy, respect, ... yes as it is with normal friends, but simply no love, no desire to do an relationship with someone, to share your life with each other... (A good type for someone for BMF is simply a friend of yours, you really like, but where both of you simply know, that you have different goals in live. So as example when you are more the basic life type, and your friend is more into "...and after school I want to study, 1-2 years of it in a foreign country to have foreign experiences, then I want to work for an international company all over the world....Oh god no, please no children, I never want to have children...." you simply know, that there never will be a chance for a functioning relationship, so you can feel pretty safe, that there will not evolve anything from it, simply because both of you know, that you dont fit in no way as lifepartners. It doesnt mean that you think that these other life the friend wants is something bad for you, its simply no life that you want to join as a partner.)

But this feelings and emotions, the wish to share your life with a partner do exist, and also will exist in the future. I am happy now in my relationship, and like it the way it is, because my partner is the right man for me for a relationship. It fits.

But with others it didnt fit, and only because I wanted to have sex, I didnt want to have an relationship with someone, including all that expectations. Because if you dont love the guy, then you dont want to share your life with him, you dont want to spend every evening with him, you dont want to meet his parents, you dont want to meet his other friends you dont know yet, you dont want to live in the same flat with him ... So acting to have an relationship is simply work you dont want to do. This doesnt mean that this feelings do not exist, I have that feelings now with my partner. But I didnt have it with the ones before, and that did not only suck for myself, but also for my partner before, because if they expect you to feel in that way, and you dont, they are disappointed. And not loving them, doesnt mean you dont like them, and disappointing people you like, is also a sad thing.

So sure, you could say that if I didnt find that special person now, I could simply wait and have no sex and done with it, but my expectations was that I wouldnt find a relationship partner in my whole life, so I went to a technical school with ten times as much boys as girls, all of my friends were male friends, but noone ever showed and interest, because of me not fitting in social expectations of girls. I dont like to dress, I dont care for being beautiful and painting myself, ... And I was living in the 20iest century, condoms existed, additional contraceptive as well, and wanting to have sex with someone isnt hurting someone as long as you are truthful with it, so I wouldnt know why I shouldnt have done so. Until now, none of my FWB partners called me to blame me for abusing him, so everyone was happy with it the way it was, so as said I wouldnt have known, why I should not have done so. ^^

But its not the new relationship or an old one, its simply an additional kind of relationship between humans. As many others, that exist. There are 8 billion people with different needs, so a thing like "the one and only ultimate form of relationship" cannot exist. ^^ You need different kind of relationships to make all the different people happy.

4 weeks to go and I still need a wedding hairpiece... I am not anti marriage. I am only anti-wedding-celebration. ^^ (Too much to prepare to have a festivity to see people you dont wanna see. XD )

Last edited by Schneekugel on 15 May 2013, 6:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

The OP asked our opinion about this and I gave it. I said that I'm ok with two friends that want a FWB. it's just that I don't like when a man try to convince me manipulating me and trying to devaluate my self-esteem to get a FWB with me. I don't like it when one of those friends falls in love and it's unrequited. Not always you can control your feelings. It's a intimate relationship after all.

About FWB people not being anti-marriage... Everybody is different, I don't want a FWB and I'm not very interested in marriage.

And it's true some of them are interested in long term relationships. I met a FWB couple that are now a LTR.

Last edited by BanjoGirl on 15 May 2013, 6:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

I said this:-

"marriage will still continue to exist but other models of relationship/interaction have developed as alternatives"

which is more or less what you have reiterated here:-

"But its not the past of the relationships or the future of relationships, its simply an addition to different kind of relationships. "

So I'd say you've just repeated what I've said but also said you were disagreeing with me

I never said FWBs were a bad thing either, which you seem to imply here:-

"I wouldnt agree with that. As said I had BMF partners myself and dont think anything bad about it"

I don't think anything bad about FWBs so what are you disagreeing with me about?

Sorry, I am not origin english, I understood you wrong. I thought you were advertising FWB as "the" new form of relationship. Sorry for that.

It's ok, I just wasn't sure I'd explained what I meant clearly

FWB does seem to have come into fashion over the last few years as I wasn't aware of it's existence say 5 years ago but I wouldn't say it's likely to be any better than other types of relationship as it all depends on the people involved and what they are looking for

There's benefits to be had, too. Deep emotional attachment and love are pretty cool things but they don't come cheap.

Deeper emotions cut deeper scars when broken. Plus, an FWB is what it is, it is never a substitute for deep emotional longing. I am a few years younger, and I am going to get married someday. You are always forgetting the 50% percent of marriages that do work and last lifetimes. It is mostly due to cheating, fear of commitment, or domestic violence that divorces happen, not because of the ideology behind the actual marriage.

What it means is that 50% of the population may not be wired for monogamy or committed relationships. I am not saying the other 50% is not wired of these things. What I am saying is that you can't say that one way or the other way is "normal" because different people have different wiring.

For sure, not everyone is wired for deep emotional attachment or love. This is an autistic site, so the % here who are not so wired is probably much higher than among the general population.

I think people need to stop being so serious about this. It doesn't make for entertaining reading. Especially when you repeat the same arguments over and over.

I think you're entertaining reading.

I don't write a small article with every post.

I feel really bad for you.

Why?

Because you're so literal.